Anxiety and Depression Support
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Relationship Advice for the anxious over thinker

I have general anxiety disorder, and I tend to over think everything, including my relationships. I would like some advice from others on how to handle the situation I am in. I know without a doubt that I am over thinking the situation, and everything is probably fine and I just need to stop being so anxious, but that is extremely difficult for me.

I broke up with my ex boyfriend 9 months ago. We dated for 14 months total. I left him because he was cruel, verbally and physically abusive, and just not a nice person. I am proud of myself for working up the courage to leave him, as in the past I have stayed in toxic relationships for far too long out of fear of being alone. This time I forced myself to do it, reminding myself that it’s better to be alone than in a relationship with someone who hurts you and makes you feel awful about yourself.

So two months ago I made a profile on, and reached out to a man whose profile caught my eye. After a week of exchanging phone calls and text messages on a daily basis, we made plans for our first date, which went great. We have now been going on dates and hanging out at his house for two months now, and it’s going great. I really like him, and I can tell he likes me. My only problem is, how long is too long to wait for someone to commit to you? I worry that he may be using me for sex, or sees me as a temporary companion. I don’t know for sure if he sees me as a potential girlfriend, and I am too afraid to ask. I don’t want him to see me as needy or clingy, or for him to feel pressured. I don’t want to rush things, but I also don’t want to be in this awkward “gray” stage where we are more than friends, but not a couple, forever. I think about it on the days when I don’t see him and it bothers me and stresses me out.

Any advice on what I should do? I’m so afraid to bring it up to him.

4 Replies

I'd say wait a little longer, it's still too early to ask him that question. Just enjoy each others company, make the best out of every moment. After a while if you see it going no where then you can ask him what are his expectations when it comes to the two of you. Just make sure you choose the right time, like I said before to early is bad cus you don't want to scare him away. And about the using you for sex, do you guys go out or is it always going to his house and having sex and then you leave right after? Honestly no one can use you unless you allow it, and you came out of an abusive relationship so get to know if better before you commit.


I’d say it’s an equal mix of us going out on dates and staying in at his place. He lets me stay the night and then I leave in the morning at the same time he is leaving for work. I guess it’s just hard because we are already acting like a couple so I hate not knowing for sure if he even wants that with me when I am giving him all of my love.


Just give it a little more time. Go with the flow for now. Sometimes it's not good to get too attached to early because you are just getting to know him. So like I said before just enjoy his company. Don't try to label your situation with him so soon

1 like

I know you’re right. My anxiety causes me to overthink and I hate it. I really should just be patient. Thank you.


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