control

[kw41716]

how does one get away from the control of a mother ?

[Hidden]

In what way is she controlling you? Here to help you!

[kw41716 in reply to Hidden]

controlling as in it’s her way or no way , i can’t go certain places , what’s to know where i’m at , texts/calls ever hour if i don’t answer she will text my fiancé until one of us answers , etc .

[Hidden in reply to kw41716]

First off I think you are old enough to live your life! Do you still live at home? At some point we as moms have to know we raised our children well and they will be fine!

[kw41716 in reply to Hidden]

i do , i was told as long as im in the house i will be controlled . i am 19 and have my own job and can do what i want but my dad left when i was younger simply because my mom was so controlling of everything and him

[Hidden in reply to kw41716]

Can you afford to get your own place?

[kw41716 in reply to Hidden]

not right at the moment , my fiancé is really wanting to get me out of the house . we are shoot for an apartment by summer hopefully ! it’s been to the point of me wanting to cut again cause she’s wanting me to put myself at her feet pretty much

[Hidden in reply to kw41716]

Well cutting is not going to do you any good! Maybe try to stay out of the house as much as possible! XXX

[kw41716 in reply to Hidden]

if shell let me out ...

[Hidden in reply to kw41716]

The only thing to say right now is I wish for you the best! XXX

[MommyBro in reply to kw41716]

Can you take a class or join a group or do some kind of volunteer work that she would approve of, to be out of the house more? Maybe you could invite her to do one of these with you?

[gogogirl in reply to kw41716]

You have a fiancee, so I imagine you will be moving out someday soon?

[gogogirl in reply to kw41716]

You're an adult- so I hope you can find out what her insecurities are, and set boundaries.

[hypercat54]

Hi I think your mum is terrified of you leaving as she will then be completely on her own. She is doing everything she can to stop you in desperation not realising (or maybe she does) that her behaviour is driving you away.

Can you have a chat with her in a calm and adult way? That seems to be the way forward to me. Not easy but if you can perhaps understand why she is behaving like this then you might be able to get on better. Just a thought. x

[Windy101]

If you have cut in the past, your mom might be going overboard worrying about you, especially if she has already lost your dad. Cutting again is only going to make things worse.

You cannot control her. All you can do is try to control what you do. Do you have a counselor you can talk to?

If you know you are leaving by summer, in the meantime you might want to try to fake it until you make it. In other words, be calm and nice to your mom. Don't text bad things about her or your living situation. Maybe even offer to help around home without being asked.

While you're stuck at home, if you change your behavior, it might change your mom's behavior. It's worth a try, anyway.

Either way, staying calm is good for your mental health and for your future with your fiance. There will be stressful times in marriage, just as stressful as they are right now. Learning to manage stress is so important in any relationship.

Take deep breaths, think CALM ... try not to escalate things within yourself. It is to your advantage in every way to be as peaceful as you possibly can. Enjoy your time out with your fiance and be proud of yourself for having a job. You're doing very well! Know that every day is one day closer to being with your fiance.

I had a very controlling dad, and oh boy, he could be really awful. I understand and wish you the best.