I'm a 19 year-old college music major who has really been struggling lately with anxiety and depression within the last month (perhaps parts of OCD too, but I really can't say for sure). To be honest, it sucks sometimes because I feel as though I could have avoided this all. I became head-over-heels for a Christian woman at my college and I basically adopted her religion subconsciously because I liked her. I then gained two different understandings of the world, and I became super conflicted and that's when the anxiety started (during Thanksgiving week). When I went to school for three more weeks, I was okay for the most part. Then I went back home, and that's when it started all over again.
I remember having a lot of anxiety at first and just trying to manage it, which I believe mainly came from thinking about things that made me really queezy, usually about this particular college girl. That lasted for about a week. Then I caught myself thinking about automatic bodily processes, and now my consciousness of them is really pooping on me right now. I've had suicidal thoughts this past month. I feel as if I really fucked myself over, and I hope to get therapy soon, and I know that life is long. At least now that Christmas is over, I can finally start making appointments.
Since the beginning of the school year, I've found that listening to the soundtrack to RENT has been helpful, especially keeping these lyrics in mind:
The heart may freeze, or it can burn.
The pain will ease if I can learn
There is no future. There is no past
I live this moment as my last.
There's only us. There's only this.
Forget regret or life is yours to miss.
No other road; no other way.
No day but today.
God help us all lol.