Frustrated

[Mommabear08]

Hi there so I have Bipolar PTSD ANXIETY INSOMNIA ADHD and Depression my son and I are temporarily staying in my mom's basement till I get us another apartment things here are very toxic they treat my son badly because they don't and never have liked the fact that he is biracial last month was the anniversary of his dad's passing and I've been super sensitive about things my mom aperantly is a doctor now and informs me that I have none of these conditions I only have seasonal depression and need to get over everything that happened the last thing I said. To my son's father was I hate your guts and hope you die never got to apologize never got to say I love you or good bye I'm sick of them treating my son different than they treat my niece GRRR

[Hopeful-Tinkerbell]

That is so horrible. If your picture is you and your son he is absolutely beautiful. Some older people were taught to hate at such a young age that it is hard for them to change. I believe hate can be a learned behavior. It is so wrong. Very very wrong. I am so sorry you have to deal with that and especially your precious child! Just continue to give him every ounce of love you have. I think the best thing you can do to honor his father is to raise his son to be a loving, successful and intelligent young man. I know with your illness how hard that must be. The only way to move forward is to let go of the past. Focus on your positive memories of love and teach your son how much he was loved by him. I know it’s so hard to let go. But choose what you want to hold on to. Forgive yourself and honor him. I would definitely have a serious talk with your parents about the hatred and prejudice they show him while your son is not home. Kids hear everything. Especially what we don’t want them to hear. I hate that for him. I hope you can try to get your apartment or something and limit his exposure to them until they can change. As a mom I can only imagine how that must feel. You just give him more love! I’m so sorry you are going through that. Maybe social services department can help you. In the meantime I would try your best to live in the basement as much as possible and limit your time around them. I would not care if my sons child was purple or green I would still love him. I guess I can’t picture it well. Hate is the worst problem in this world. Communicate your demands about how your child is to be treated and if not don’t let them see him! I’m here if you need to talk. It sounds like you have a full plate for sure!

[Mommabear08 in reply to Hopeful-Tinkerbell]

Thank you. It is us a little older one he's 9 now she wouldn't care if he was any other race just being half black is a big issue for her not even my grandparents are bothered by it when we had our own place we never really came around but now we're kinda here I know now that he's getting older he's feeling and understanding it more his dad's family all live in Houston so not close to us Utah I try to not let him see my emotions it's just hard

[Windy101]

Mommabear, my suggestion is to connect with as many social services as you can in your community to try to find mental health support and a new living space out of that basement. A good place to start is your local crisis hotline.

I wish I knew the answers, but I do know that giving your son extra love and cuddles to make up for how he is treated is important.

I also know that you never would have said what you did if you'd known those would have been your last words to your son's father. You were speaking your truth at the time. Maybe he needed to hear that and to reflect on it before he left this earth. Maybe he's in a place now where he's sorry for how he acted and understands why you said it. Please forgive yourself. You are only human and had your reasons for saying what you did.

When your mom doesn't acknowledge your suffering, you can just say, "Okay, I appreciate your feedback" and not keep the discussion going. Try to focus on loving yourself and your son and getting the heck out of there. You don't have to agree with her, but maybe you can diffuse her.

When bad things are said to your son, you can say, "I love him and think he's a great kid. I think it's best to keep a positive environment for children so would like your help in that." If she goes off, just keep saying it. If she won't stop, make sure your son is out of earshot and just say, "I understand your point of view and thank you for sharing it. I want to thank you for having us - it means a lot. I'm just trying to keep things calm and positive until we're out of your way. How was your day?"

It might take a real acting job and gritting your teeth,but there's no arguing with someone who's convinced they are right. Still, you don't have to sacrifice your dignity.

Love yourself. You are beautiful and worthwhile, and so is your wonderful boy. Your life won't always be like this. Better days are ahead, I know it.

Meanwhile, I applaud your great courage in getting through a tough time. You are smart, loving, and a survivor, and you can do this!

[Mommabear08 in reply to Windy101]

Thank you so much for your kind words my son is my world I let him know every day how much I love him and that there is nothing wrong with being who he is and he is perfect in every way