Satans Dust

[AllisonO]

I cannot believe the day I've had today. My boyfriend and I, have a great relationship and have lived together for quite some time now. As recovered addicts, we support each other and have a deep understanding for the difficulties addiction can bring and are 9 times out of 10 able to confide in each other.

Unfortunately, a week ago, my boyfriend relapsed and when I got home from work late he was under the influence and I knew from the second I walked in the door. From the pinned out pupils, the bloodshot eyes, and heightened sex drive/confidence levels I knew something was wrong. After doing a no-no and snooping through my mans phone, what I had thought was true had been confirmed and he had used drugs. Hurt because he had lied to my face, and worried for his future, I have been being eaten alive by the anxiety this situation provoked.

Last night, I think he used again. So, I bought an at home drug test with a 12 panel screening and will endure the moment of truth when I arrive home from work. The stress of loving an addict is so immense, and the stress of the drugs being around is life threatening.

After previous events, the anxiety is debilitating. I have found my boyfriend unconscious, covered in vomit, and unfortunately even clinically dead. I have had to give him cpr, purchase narcan to keep in case of emergency, and pray to God he doesn't die when I leave the house again.

Please God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change

The courage to change the things I can

And the Wisdom to know the difference.

[Agora1]

Amen AllisonO One of my favorite prayers to keep things in prospective as to how much we can change things. You sound like an amazing girlfriend, knowing how to do all the right things in keeping him alive. But as the prayer states, accept the things we cannot change and that part needs to come from your boyfriend and him using. I wish you strength and courage. xx

[AllisonO in reply to Agora1]

Thank you very much that means a lot. I appreciate your kind words and encouragement. Hopefully a boost in the right direction is all it will take to get him back on track this time.

[melbrown]

Wishing you strength to help you remind sober & get through this tough time. Remember to take care of yourself as you try to care for him.💛

[AllisonO in reply to melbrown]

Thank you melbrown I will care for myself the best that I can, I appreciate your positive words and reminders.