Hi community members,
I just want to get a feel for what I'm experiencing. I think I'm in the process of recovering from my third and most destructive bout of depression. This episode has lasted for over two years.
I've noticed that food tastes better (or rather tastes how it should again); colors seem to be less dull; my empathy I've noticed has returned, so that I'm able to feel sad at moments on TV or feel emotional hue of music--and music I love again. Even my music choices have shifted so I could appreciate slower, more rich sounds (I think). Today, I walked about 2 miles, up and down hills, listening to music, and felt moments of internal joy and relief pour out of me.
I feel such a sense of internal restlessness. And I don't feel heavy at all. After a year of essentially being confined to my bedroom, I just want to get back into the world. I actually want to get back to working hard again.
In regards to treatment, I had taken up MBST and MBCT, which are respectively Mindfulness-Based Stress Therapy and Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy. I also take just a pill of St. John's Wort, but that started just yesterday.
Of course, I have my bad days. For instance, yesterday was a bad day, but what used to send me into weeks of bedroom exile, I'm now able to brush off in a matter of a day.
I also think I had an epiphany that the only person who was gonna save me was myself (also there was some interesting coincidence where a guy with my name literally saved me from my broken down car that had stopped in front of a priest's house). So, I actually took matters in my own hands and decided to schedule appointments for a therapist to help me along to help me stay on course.
I feel optimistic about my life again, although my life currently is still in a state of dereliction (I lost all my money and marred my credit by my anxious, panic-stricken brain).
Does anyone else have a similar situation where you are cautiously optimistic? I literally felt such a sense of pure joy and relief I started to tear up this afternoon while appreciating nature.