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[Mguss]

Hi community members,

I just want to get a feel for what I'm experiencing. I think I'm in the process of recovering from my third and most destructive bout of depression. This episode has lasted for over two years.

I've noticed that food tastes better (or rather tastes how it should again); colors seem to be less dull; my empathy I've noticed has returned, so that I'm able to feel sad at moments on TV or feel emotional hue of music--and music I love again. Even my music choices have shifted so I could appreciate slower, more rich sounds (I think). Today, I walked about 2 miles, up and down hills, listening to music, and felt moments of internal joy and relief pour out of me.

I feel such a sense of internal restlessness. And I don't feel heavy at all. After a year of essentially being confined to my bedroom, I just want to get back into the world. I actually want to get back to working hard again.

In regards to treatment, I had taken up MBST and MBCT, which are respectively Mindfulness-Based Stress Therapy and Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy. I also take just a pill of St. John's Wort, but that started just yesterday.

Of course, I have my bad days. For instance, yesterday was a bad day, but what used to send me into weeks of bedroom exile, I'm now able to brush off in a matter of a day.

I also think I had an epiphany that the only person who was gonna save me was myself (also there was some interesting coincidence where a guy with my name literally saved me from my broken down car that had stopped in front of a priest's house). So, I actually took matters in my own hands and decided to schedule appointments for a therapist to help me along to help me stay on course.

I feel optimistic about my life again, although my life currently is still in a state of dereliction (I lost all my money and marred my credit by my anxious, panic-stricken brain).

Does anyone else have a similar situation where you are cautiously optimistic? I literally felt such a sense of pure joy and relief I started to tear up this afternoon while appreciating nature.

[EduardoHors3]

I just went through what seemed like a near death experience. 2 weeks home with sternum inflammation, panic attacks, and insomnia. My Fibromyalgia was all time high. As of yesterday I've been feeling so much better. I feel so alive. Yes food tastes great. The smallest things like the sun and the sky feel so good. Just walking out of my gloomy room feels great. Yeah music. It feels like music again. I guess you don't know how to appreciate things until they're almost gone.

[Mguss in reply to EduardoHors3]

I think so. I think being confined to my bed/ house for so long, losing the trappings of my old life, and going through such a dark night of the soul made me realize that life is a gift and that there are such joys in simply walking outside.

[Sprinkle1]

Hello all 3 of you, I am so happy for you, I hope it continues, I think I just might be coming out of (lost count of how many) a bad depression with severe anxiety - it was awful. Lets all keep on going on this lovely road. Take your med's and do what ever it takes to keep you feeling better. Here's to you, sending love and continued peace. Sprinkle 1

[Jld0010]

Hello Mguss, always good to hear about people feeling better. Your story sounds a lot like mine. I have suffered mildly from anxiety and depression through out my life with some moments where it really hit hard. I have been in one of those times for over 12 months now. The first few months were terrible but with therapy, meds, meditation and writing down my thoughts, I’ve found that I’m slowly climbing out. I’m married and have two kids but two weekends ago I took a long drive by myself. It was a beautiful cool day, I was in a convertible and I actually started playing the classic rock music I like. Lately all I’ve listen to has been smooth jazz or some other relaxing type music. Anyway, I enjoyed the drive very much. I can’t explain it but during the drive I slowly started to feel more confident in myself and started to acknowledge that I CAN control the way I react to my negative thinking. I actually got mad at myself for letting this get to me and said F__k it to everyone and everything that has held me back from getting my life back. I’m still climbing but moments like that make me realize there is a light at the end.