Struggling student tempted to give up

[its_Gi_again]

I'm in my last year of college, and I want to drop out.

Last semester, I had to leave due to my mental health. I was in treatment and recovery for depression and anxiety at home all summer and still have yet to finish what was left incomplete from those classes. But as I've come back to school for my last year - leaving home, family, friends, and a lot of my treatment - I've struggled so much to be a student again. I can't find balance between anything anymore. I'm constantly behind in my classes now and I've been on a self-destructive path every weekend by going out and just saying "f*** it".

I've always been a good student. I've always done everything right. When do I ever get a break? My professors are all so understanding and helpful, giving me chances that I just don't fully take advantage of. I feel like such a failure and just so ashamed. But I can't/don't want to stop going out and doing drugs and being as self destructive as possible. It's like an escape, because I honestly have fun and ignore all my problems, but it's also my way to see if I can just get worst.

I wish I could just leave again, I had never been so happy and at peace like I was this summer. Now, it's just like a struggle every day to find the will to not want to do something horrible.

[Windy101]

Leaving college is a tricky thing. I left with one semester to go, due to my depression. My boyfriend was moving and I wanted to go with him, because being together helped me feel better.

One thing to consider is how you're going to feel. I also thought it would be a relief, but I still had to get a job and do something. I had a resume that showed I'd left college in my last year. I watched other people graduate and get better jobs. That made me feel depressed again. I ended up going back, finishing, and graduating, but by then my best friends weren't around college anymore and it was a lonelier experience.

I don't know what would have happened if I'd tried to push through. Back then, it was not as easy to find a therapist, and medications were so strong and took so long to work that you could hardly function waiting to see if they'd help or fail.

I do know that doing drugs is not going to make your depression better. It's going to make it worse. I don't know what drugs you're doing. I smoked a lot of weed during that time, and it didn't help in the long run. It made me tired, confused and paranoid after the fun was over.

The bottom line is, you are dealing with a serious illness. If you had effective treatment at home (and were not doing drugs there), the answer might be to finish out the semester the best you can and then go home to focus on your health. If you feel you are in serious crisis right now, the answer might be to go home now and back to treatment.

Your life and your health will have to be your biggest priorities. What is going to be the best thing for your mental health? Weigh it out. You can always call your therapist and get his/her advice. I'm sure your school has a mental health program. You can talk to someone there.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. It's not fair to have these problems right now, when all you want to do is be your usual good-student self and have a "normal" life. You didn't ask to have depression. But please, pleaset don't give up. You are still an important, valuable part of this world, and you never know what's just around the corner. Stop doing drugs, take charge, and put your health first. Things will get better, I promise.

A hug and best wishes to you!