Parenting an adult child with depression

[Tawalk]

My husband and I need resources and advice on how to help our son with his depression .

[km147]

I am not a parent. But as a sufferer of anxiety since my teens I have found somethings that I wish my parents had done and also something's I appreciate that they had done. I think the biggest thing that helped me was their patience and understanding. They of course did have moments of frustration. I wish they talked about depression and anxiety directly. I never actually understood that I had anxiety. I thought that it was because I was being bullied or my grades. Talk about anxiety and or depression. Ask him what triggers the depression. Investigate. Tell him that he has a problem but there is always a solution. try to make changes in his life that would benefit him. Hope this helps

[blackcat64013]

Hi Tawalk,

There is no super manual on how to support a person with a mental illness. Each person experiences depression in different ways.

I have put together a few steps based on the Livestrong website which are generally helpful. I have assumed your son is not living at home but most of these steps still apply

Step 1 Acknowledge that depression is an illness. Your child cannot "snap out of it." Do not offer such advice

Step 2 Keep the lines of communication open.

Listen to your son and offer your support. He is probably aware that he is depressed but also feeling isolated. Let him know that you care and encourage him to talk about his feelings. By letting him know that you're there to support him, he may become more willing to seek professional help and tell you what he needs.

Step 3

If you see that your son is severely depressed, don't wait for him to make an appointment with a mental health professional. He may be so depressed, he thinks seeing a professional will make no difference. Find a clinical psychologist or psychiatrist yourself. Make the appointment and show up at your son's door to drive him there. If your son starts talking about suicide or exhibits any warning signs, such as giving possessions to close friends, take immediate action, even if it means going against your child's wishes. Call 9-1-1 in the US or take him to the accident and emergency department of a hospital.

Step 4

Learn all you can about depression. If necessary, seek counseling yourself to get insight and advice and also to stay healthy and optimistic yourself. A professional may have ideas to help your son that you wouldn't have thought of yourself. A depressed child can cause a parent much anxiety, guilt and frustration. It's important that you take care of yourself while you are trying to take care of your son.

Step 5

Help your son with everyday tasks. Drive to his home as often as possible to help with cooking, shopping, laundry and other household tasks. Your son may well appreciate your company, as well as your help. Your son will benefit from getting some exercise. Encourage your son to get out and exercise every day by showing up for an afternoon walk. If you live too far from your son to be there, arrange for text message reminder.

Step 6

Encourage you son to participate. If you're working on a project, ask your son to help. If you're taking pilates or an exercise class, sign up your son, as well. Go together. Take him out for lunch or dinner afterward. Getting out of the house may be the last thing that your son wants to do, but that is exactly what he needs. Be prepared to be turned down a few times, but don’t let initial failure discourage you. Stop by to see how your son is doing even when he does not want to go anywhere.

Things You'll Need

Infinite wisdom and patience

List of mental health professionals in your son's area

Books and brochures about depression

List of domestic workers in your child’s area

Tip

You may not see any progress for a while, and even when you do, your son may not appreciate your efforts. This is why it is essential for your own well-being that you don’t neglect yourself. Take some time off from your supporting role and ask someone else to step in. See your friends, take up a new hobby. Recharge your batteries. You will be able to help your son much more after you have done this.

If you would like to share your location, forum users often know of local resources that you can tap into.

I can help you if your family is in Australia.

[Tawalk in reply to blackcat64013]

We r in Arizona

[blackcat64013 in reply to Tawalk]

Mental and Behavioral Health Information & Resources

As a free service, Marc Community Resources, Inc. provides mental and behavioral health information and resources.

Our Referral Coordinator enjoys helping navigate through the often confusing world of the Arizona mental health system, locating the professionals and organizations best able to assist the people that he serves.

No matter what your need is, he is committed to solve the problem or point you in the right direction!

Call our Information & Resources Coordinator

Andy Arnowitz

480-994-4407

Mon-Fri | 9 am – 4 pm | Follow up calls available

These and many other services are offered to the public. Anyone! Including those living with a mental illness, their family members, friends and professionals.

We can refer people to free community behavioral and mental health peer support groups (for adults 18+) throughout the Phoenix metropolitan area and Maricopa County (including Mesa, Goodyear, Scottsdale, Sun City West, Peoria, Glendale and Yarnell.) For peer support groups information visit Mental Health Arizona.

ASK US ABOUT:

•Mental Health Support Groups

•Prescription Assistance

•Crisis Lines

•Petitioning

(Involuntary Commitment)

•Mercy Maricopa

Integrated Care

•Mental Health

Power of Attorney

•Seriously Mentally Ill

•Psychiatric Hospitals

•AHCCCS (Medicaid)

•Social Security (SSD & SSI)

•Food Boxes

•Therapists

•Mental Health Lawyers

•AND MANY OTHER RESOURCES!

RELATED MENTAL HEALTH INFORMATION & RESOURCES LINKS

•NAMI Arizona Information & Resources

•Mental Health America of Arizona – Information & Referral

•NAMI Valley of the Sun – Community Resources

•Mercy Maricopa Integrated Care – Community guide

•Crisis Response Network – Resources

•Support Groups (Free)

marccr.com/arizona-mental-b...

[tofler]

Here's some info from a UK website which might help you:

mind.org.uk/information-sup...

[Windy101]

Here's a Web site for family members:

nami.org/Find-Support/Famil...

It's wonderful that you're asking and wanting to help. What has helped me most is genuine interest in my well-being, support that my family has faith in me, understanding the the illness is really an illness not a character flaw, and lack of judgment.

A lof depends on the age of your son, but love and compassion are so important regardless.

One of the key symptoms of depression is to feel worthless, so the reaction of others is important. Your loved one may also need some help at times just managing life stituations such as doctor's appointments, getting medication, and changes in treatment and lfiestyle if the depresssion worsens.

Dealing with a family ilness is draining. I encourage you to get support for yourselves as well. Focusing on the love you have for your son and a higher power if you have one can help, but don't hesitate to reach out to professionals for help if you feel overwhelmed. It's like that old saying about putting the oxygen mask on yourself first if the plane goes down.

Wishing peace and well being to you and your son So glad that you posted here.

[Struggling777]

Tawalk -- is this your son's first bout of anxiety and depression? It must be so difficult to see your own son going through this pain and I know how stressful it must've been for my parents when I had bouts of anxiety and depression from my first experience at 16 and again 18 months later and worse after a bad bout of flu.

I certainly appreciated their kindness and support (maybe not enough at the time) but on reflection think practical help in making a plan together of what I needed to do each day to get through and would've been better than having everything done for me. Depression can be very isolating and to feel that someone wants to help you keep things going is very comforting. Practical chores can become overwhelming. A friend helped me to get the house cleaned when I was really low recently and it was such a tonic. When somebody close to you is depressed, it is important to take time out for yourself and look after your own health.

Sometimes friends and family are trying to help and say things like "pull yourself together" "how can you be depressed when you've got everything to live for" "there are so many people so much worse off than you" "some people have to live with disability" "you look okay and you've got good friends so why are you depressed?" etc and they certainly don't help. I've had all of those things said to me but I realise they're said with the right intentions.

Wishing you good luck and hope you can get all the help and support to get you through this tough time.

[Findingme]

Your child is an adult. Do not forget this. Do not allow their depression to get you so anxious you stop treating them with respect and end up making them dependent on you again. So don't panic. Depression is bad but it is not the worst thing to have, even if it feels like it to them at the time. Not to say you should brush it off, or tell them to snap out of it, but your patience and respect now will pay dividends in the long run. Coming up with endless suggestion and pushing them to work through it quickly may backfire as they could interpret this as criticism they are not getting better fast enough.

Remember, depression is nothing to be ashamed of. Many succesful and famous people get depressed. In fact it can be down to having a high IQ and thinking to much about the state of the world, or taking on too much at work, or a trauma, or being a perfectionist and not being able to deal with the reality of life. It may be down to them losing a job, a relationship, or other lifestyle situation which they may feel they should have been able to keep, and if they are not able to process the loss it can turn into depression. It can be loneliness, too much time on their hands too. Could even be having voted for Donald Trump, and now regretting it In this case, reminding them you love them unconditionally is more useful than taking over. Just listening to them talk it through, and letting them find their own solutions can help. This stops them internalising it all and getting into ruminating endlessly. Avoid treating them like an invalid or a failure which can be embarrassing, and just deepen their depression as they start avoiding situations where they are the object of discussion.

At the end of the day sometimes just being there helps, and sometimes backing off when asked to helps too.