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No control over emotions because of grief

I'm new here. I've only felt like I've 'had' anxiety for the past 4 years, I'm 24. My mother died from cancer two months ago, and it's hitting me now harder than ever. Now I can't control my emotions. I'm mostly irritable/cynical/annoyed/angry, but i also get strong bouts of sadness, and anxiety especially in social situations. has anyone experienced a similar thing when grieving? i feel indifferent about everything and i'm doing the bare minimum with everything i do.

5 Replies

Hi cigandawaffle,

I lost my mom when I was 24 years old and my emotions were all over the place. This is still fresh for you and you need to give yourself time to grieve. I am now 46 and I still have good days and bad days. You may want to talk to a therapist or someone close to you that can give you good support. I also went to bereavement groups to try and ease my pain. Sometimes that helps. You're human and emotional, just give yourself time to grieve and heal.



Listening to acoustic/coffee shop music while doing chores had helped me get more things accomplished. For some reason listening to songs a bit more melancholy makes me feel more "normal." I recently left my job at an elementary school. I know if I hadn't done this my emotions would be a little under control because I wouldbe helping others. Being unemployed, moving, just having hernia surgery, insurance ending, and not knowing what job I will have had left me in a paralysis. My body wants to stay in bed which I did for a day and a half. I know I'm making some progress but I need to keep telling myself that. I'm stressed about everything in life but I know it will pass. I've felt this way before but it was ten years ago. I realized I needed to go back on meds. Seeing a therapist has helped because I can talk to her 100% openly. I only tell my friends half of what is going on. I suggest therapy and being easy on yourself. Things will get better we just have to be patient. Mind you I don't always take this advice but I know I need to. Good luck! I just joined this site today but am very excited to connect with people who feel similarly. Most people just can't understand and that's ok.

- Kaitlin

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I experienced something similar when my grandmother died. I was extremely close with her spiritually and emotionally. I remember thinking beforehand that I didn't know what I would do if she died. When cancer finally took her I was devastated. At first it was just shock but then I remember spiraling down into a really dark place. I had indifferent feelings for a long time. I didn't care about anything. Grades, work, eating healthy, getting out of bed. It just didn't matter. I was angry and hurt but mostly lost. There are some things that helped me to remember after she passed:

1. She is irreplaceable. Don't bother trying to find something to fill the hole in your heart. It won't work. I spent the longest time trying to fill the gap with anything else and it just never really fit.

2. It is okay to be angry. Cry, scream, let it out. But try and put that energy into something worth doing. Letting it bottle up into angry bursts and violence will destroy you. Try running, boxing, music, martial arts, drawing, something.

3. Write down your feelings. It sounds dumb, I know. I thought the same thing. But all of those negative thoughts are just stirring around in your head driving you insane. Talk to someone and vent, or get it out of your head and onto paper. This especially helped when I had my rage phase.

4. Only time is going to help. I am so so sorry about your mother. I can't even imagine losing my mother. You will heal but it will just take time. Even then, it will still hurt to think about every once and a while but that is okay. It is better to remember her and miss her than to try and shove all of your emotions away.

When you're sad, go for a walk or be with friends. I remember that when I was extremely sad my thoughts would get really negative and dark and the best way to stop that was to get outside and get fresh air.

You will get through this, you are not alone. :)


thanks travelinglump. i write in a journal on my laptop most days and that seems to help. i want to see a therapist but don't have adequate insurance and can't afford it.


So it sounds like your depressed and should see a therapist and a doctor I'm so sorry for your loss ...you will.always miss your mom but you will be better able to go on and enjoy your life which I'm certain your mother would want for you ...you carry the love she had for you around in your heart ..be gentle with yourself wish you the best


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