Isolated

[jewlz17]

Doesnt matter the amount of days that go by im just completely numb. ive been fighting it but just cant help shut down and close myself off. everything around me feels like a dream like im walking around in slow motion or so fast it a blur. my world been a roller coaster of emotions between work, my family, my health. i ended up blowing up and causing a rift within my family. i have come to term that when i stay shut about my feelings its bad but when i express myself it still bad but i just couldnt handle it anymore. im the youngest of 5 almost 30 years old and my brother tries to belittle me and i had enough and refuse to apologize or take back anything i said because he had lost his mind and put his hands on me if it wasnt for my father pulling him away i wouldve responded by hitting him back. fortunate for him i came to my senses and focused on my son who was there witnessing this madness. its been days of pain and isolating myself been sick to the point of missing work now that im back today im a little at peace in my own space but im on autopilot smiling when i have to greet people. when deep inside i want to cry. only good thing i look forward to is my son his the reason im fighting and trying to push pass this but it still hurts. ive been abused before by exes physically, emotionally, mentally. But when it family it just cuts so much deeper.

[km147]

I am so sorry you are going through this. It sucks that men think it's okay to abuse and belittle women. It's not right and happens so often. They need to feel superior and abusing the women around them makes them feel superior. Please don't let a man bring you down. Find happiness within yourself. Take yourself out of situations like that, it's not healthy. Women are stronger than men by a long shot because people like you can take abuse and walk away stronger.

[jewlz17 in reply to km147]

It does suck because he lives with us but as many times as I walked away or kept to myself I couldn’t this time. It was a two against one situation because the third party being someone he is no longer with had tried to intervene for his behalf and I felt closed in so I exploded and screamed at them both which caught even me off guard. I always try to keep myself level headed I know have a lot of built up anger but this time it was too much didn’t help much I haven’t been on my meds since I was sick. I had to stop them to take other meds I don’t like to mix. I warned my family that things would be bad with him around but no one listen to me.