Help please!

[Tanya-T]

Hi I'm new to this whole thing but I'd really like some help and advice. I'm 19 years old and suffering from depression. I've just broke up with my long term partner, he cheated on me several times which has made me suffer from emotional binge eating. I'm still so hurt over my relationship which is causing me to stay in bed all day and not care about my looks. I have not come to terms with the ending of the relationship and I stilll question what did I do to deserve it and was I not good enough. This causes me to binge eat more to cope with the pain. At this point in my life I eat so much to the point I'm overly full so I can fall asleep because I'd rather be asleep then dealing with the pain. I look in the mirror and I hate the person staring back at me because of my weight. I want to lose lots of weight but I have no motivation whatsoever. Can anybody help me?

[Tanya-T]

Thank you for your reply, I'll definitely give it a go 💖

[Candacent]

Oh man, Tanya-T. This really resonates with me; I went through a very difficult breakup when I was 20 and also struggled with binge eating and inactivity/oversleeping. I am so sorry to hear that you're too uncomfortable to get some rest.

Something that has helped me with inactivity is making plans that I cannot cancel (it also helps if the plans involve self-care). Once, I scheduled a yoga class for my usual depression nap time in the afternoon. I paid $15 ahead of time to register for the class and that made it feel like I had already committed (and if I didn't go then I would just be throwing $$ out the window). I thought of it like a small investment in myself and I made the stakes even lower by telling myself that if I didn't like it then I could just go home. I ended up staying for the duration of the class and since it interrupted my usual afternoon inactivity, it also helped me regulate my sleep schedule (I was genuinely tired that evening). On top of that, I was doing something that both quieted my mind and had some low-impact physical activity. It was truly a homerun in the process of my recovery.

I can understand wanting to shed some pounds in hopes of getting some self-esteem back, but it is also okay to take things step by step and day by day, without the added pressure to look or weigh a certain way. It may seem like there are dozens of ways that you'd like to change yourself right now, but you've got to start small or you'll get overwhelmed. A tiny thing that helped me with emotional eating was to smell my food before eating. It lets you engage with what you're going to consume in a way that makes you pause and regard your body's experience of the food (as opposed to the unfeeling type of eating that defines bingeing). Sounds silly, but its worth a try and it is very easy to do!

As for cheating: this type of behavior in a person never has anything to do with their partner, but has everything to do with the cheater. I've found that those who chronically cheat on their partners are deeply insecure and need attention and emotional validation from multiple sources (ergo: multiple partners). Don't blame yourself for your ex's behavior; that's on them.

And don't forget: there's an expiration date on the heartache of breakups. Judging by the way that you are able to articulate your struggles and how it makes you feel, I am confident that you've got the skills to move through this tough time.

I hope this helps!

[Justswimming]

Not.your fault he cheated....Halle Berry and Christie Brinkley got cheated on...its about the person doing the cheating feeling entitled to do what ever the heck they want...it hurts..but you should be angry at him because you deserve someone who doesn't cheat on you so start showing yourself some of the love you wasted on him