Am I Really Gonna Be Okay?

[powrrlesspotato]

Recently, I've lost a lot of people close to me. I just want to crawl into my shell and never come out. I'm on strong medication for both depression and anxiety, but it doesn't seem to keep me from wanting to commit suicide. Last night, I was so close to just picking up my razor blade or my scissors and stabbing it through my wrists. I wanted to cry, but the tears would not come. I don't know how to express such emotions to my remaining friends and I don't trust my family with my feelings anymore.

[copasedic]

Please call a helpline and talk to somebody

[powrrlesspotato in reply to copasedic]

I did. I was told to try this site out

[powrrlesspotato in reply to powrrlesspotato]

I did find it helpful for last nights sake.

[copasedic in reply to powrrlesspotato]

I find it hard to fathom that beds aren't available for someone so dire. I know it happens, it's just sad. If you had heart problems, they'd push you to the front of triage and get you right in.

[powrrlesspotato in reply to copasedic]

I know it is...

[copasedic]

Well, I care. Maybe you could go directly to the ER and push your own cause. Be your own best friend and advocate.

[powrrlesspotato in reply to copasedic]

They wouldn't take me. They would think I'd need an insane asylum

[copasedic in reply to powrrlesspotato]

Who calls it an "insane asylum" anymore?

Gheesh

[copasedic in reply to copasedic]

How about a hotel of hope?

[powrrlesspotato in reply to copasedic]

I'd love to get somewhere that I feel safe and am not judged for my depression

[Justswimming in reply to powrrlesspotato]

You mean a behavioral health unit that's what you need if someone called it an insane asylum you should report that to there boss and many hospitals have an emergency psych unit that sees people in your circumstances and they evaluate you and depending they put you on a unit that is locked down but its for you're own benefit so you can't get a razor or rope. Then you go to therapy and group therapy and given meds and you'll get meals etc they will take anything away from you that you could hurt yourself. Until the way your feeling passes and then you get referred to outside counseling so someone can monitor and get you back to feeling ok

[gogogirl]

Please call a crisis line and /or a counselor at once.

[powrrlesspotato in reply to gogogirl]

I did

[gogogirl in reply to powrrlesspotato]

Did it help you even temporarily? In the mean time, please reach out to family and friends even if you feel they would not understand. Have you tried 911?

[powrrlesspotato in reply to gogogirl]

Talking to the woman on the phone helped me put the blades down. So yes

[gogogirl in reply to powrrlesspotato]

Very good- she did well at her job. Perhaps you could talk to your doctor as well? You have been so much- I hope that you can now do something nice for yourself- that's what your loved ones would want for you including the ones who departed recently.

[powrrlesspotato in reply to gogogirl]

I have been in contact with my doctor

[gogogirl]

Very good- you are strong and have taken some important steps. Let me know how you are doing if that is okay.

[powrrlesspotato in reply to gogogirl]

Can we PM?

[gogogirl]

Yes at gogogirl.

[ejtlc]

I am so sorry you are in such a state and I have been there so I know what it's like. Perhaps you should be hospitalized to have your meds rechecked. It sounds like they aren't serving you very well right now. Work on that doctor, he/she needs to know what kind of pain you're in!

[Justswimming]

Hang in there. You need to talk to your friends and tell them. Talk to a therapist. You won't be in this much pain forever.