Feeling helpless.

[StereotypicalPisces]

Hey guys,

I've suffered with depression on and off for years since my freshman year of high school when I was sexually assaulted and also from an abusive relationship. Only as of 2-3 weeks ago have I been having panic attacks with seemingly increasing frequency and I have no idea what to do.

The anxiety started when I was shopping with my mother at Walmart with nothing particularly stressful on my mind and I started feeling like I was overhearing and I was sweating all over and was warm to the touch when my mother was feeling perfectly fine. When I went to the back of the store to get my online order I started feeling lightheaded, dizzy and nauseated and like my legs wanted to give out. I felt like I couldn't even walk to get back to the car so my mom sat in the store with me and buy me a cold drink and flip flops because my shoes were way too hot at the time. We sat there, my heart racing and after a while she had to help me to the car and finish shopping.

After that happened we went to urgent care and the doctor told me I have all the signs of hyperthyroidism and that she doesn't think I truly have anxiety since they share a lot of symptoms, another doctor says she doubts it's my thyroid even though it is enlarged and is probably underlying anxiety. My blood tests from both doctors are also inconclusive but they found that there is a cyst on my thyroid.

I've been trying to get in with both an endocrinologist and a psychiatrist but both are booked until months from now and my symptoms have become unbearable. I ended up at the emergency room last week in my first full blown panic attack but they said there's not much they can do to help me. I was trying to sleep earlier that night but my heart started racing and I had shortness of breath and weakness and an overwhelming sense of nausea even though I was fine all day.

Ever since I was at the ER my anxiety has been through the roof to the point where I can't leave the house without an attack. I haven't been able to eat or even do basic hygiene without freaking out inside. I can't grocery shop or go to work because I know I won't be able to handle it. It seems like not much helps me prevent it. Just thinking of leaving the house causes an attack. It's gotten so severe in such a short amount of time and I have no clue if it's true anxiety or an underlying health issue. It's debilitating and crippling. It seems like anything could trigger me from trying to eat to hearing loud noises.

I can see my family and boyfriend are disappointed that they can't comfort me during these times, I can see that they're trying so hard for a and I have to push them away for the time being and it makes me feel awful buy luckily they're understanding. Sometimes I also get lonely from having to be alone or in a room I feel most comfortable in while everyone else is hanging out. I'm confined to the house and sometimes just my room or the couch and it's become depressing even though just a month ago I was in great shape, exercising and excited for the future and now I need help with every little thing. I'm so tired and frustrated with the constant irrational fears, diarrhea, nausea, sweating and freaking out. I feel like nothing helps. Even sometimes on xanax my fear still comes through. I've tried breathing, exercising, stretching/yoga, distracting myself but it doesn't help for long. Every second until the meds kick in is torture, I'm even anxious about my anxiety. I had to cancel a vacation I had planned out for weeks.

I wanted to know what it's like to see a psychiatrist and also ways to keep myself calm and comfortable. Because I feel like a lost cause. I don't know how much is my mind and if my thyroid is having anything to do with it even though my two blood tests are conflicting. In the weeks before the trip to Walmart that started it all I did notice that I would get winded doing the simplest things and wasn't able to work out as hard as I usually could but I was still able to go out and work. I love being independent and going out and working but now I'm scared to walk down the hallway in my house in just mere weeks and it's only been getting worse. I just wish I knew how to feel better enough to just be able to eat or go on a date or grocery shop and work again. I cry about it every day.

Do you think it's a thyroid or other medical condition or just my mind overreacting?

**im so sorry this is so long and if this is all over this place, I'm writing this as I'm coming down from an attack. Thanks for reading.

[tamka38]

Best thing to is get check out by your doctor to rule out any medical problems and if everything is good wait to see a psychiatrist. Anxiety cause alot of problems for many people. Sorry u having a tough time hugs to u💞 hope u feel better soon.

[melbrown]

I wish I had answers for you.... I wod definitely talk to a doctor & make it clear what your concerns are. As someone who also suffered sexual abuse & can tell sometimes the pain, depression comes out of left field.... it can be hard to know what triggers it. I encourage you (if you haven't) to get help with it. Finding a good survivor group online might be a good idea.... I know how hard it is to discuss both abuse.... but your story needs to get out. You aren't alone.... 💛 &🕊

[Sandia]

I'm not sure if it is your thyroid. But I do relate to your anxiety and panic attacks. I have been battling this on and off for years and when I first started with these symptoms I also went to the ER many times because I thought I was having a heart attack and dying. I eventually realized that I needed help because I also was having problems working and leaving the house. I got a psychiatrist and therapist, I also found support groups on my area and started reading self help books on anxiety to help me understand what was going on. I also used deep breathing and meditation. I since have learned many coping skills and try to think positive everyday no matter how hard it is, I know it can seem like you will never get better but you will, it will just take some time and some work on your part.