Right now I'm basically useless. I'm so depressed that I can't get up and walk two steps without being feeling exhausted and sick. I regularly think about suicide. I need to go to counseling, but I can't until the next semester of my university starts because then the price will be included in my tuition. It doesn't start until the 28th, and I thought I could do it, but I don't think I can wait. I have two jobs and I need to be able to get up and go to work, but it's so so difficult and draining. In a couple days, I leave for a family vacation, and being around my family brings out the worst in my depression and I'm afraid that I'll shut down completely and they'll know that something is wrong. They can't know because my parents get mad at me and make me feel worse. I currently see no reason to keep surviving.