The Lone Wolf

[WorrySmalls]

My circle of immediate family began dwindling in 2000, with the lost of my mother. Around 2002 my great grandmother died. A few years later my father died. Then 2010 rolls in like a tornado. My ex-husband, my only child's father, was murdered and four months later my then boyfriend died suddenly due to his own doing. It's like everyone that I loved was taken away from me.

I really feel the lost of my mother and ex-husband caused my anxiety and depression. I had plans of growing old with my mother and my ex-husband and I fussing over future grandbabies. But none of those dreams will ever come true. I'm left with an empty spot heart and soul and the lone wolf emerged.

[Tillyray]

I am so sorry that you have had so much loss. Loosing those that you have loved will have been very hard for you, I know. It feels so unbearably painful and you have my sympathy...Three years ago I lost my ex, my childs father. He died suddenly from an unexpected heart problem.We'd had a connection for 30+ years, since our school days, and I always expected that we would have. At the time of his passing I was already coping with my youngest Childs illness and depression, and I was finding it an upsetting struggle, with little help being made available. The following year my lovely dog died. My own health condition began to get worse in the year after, causing disability. Then I suffered with a year of the worst depression for the first time..I can relate to your Lone wolf, my son and I are very much alone in our struggles with our hereditary health conditions, and I feel alone and lost for myself. I do have few other family members but rarely see them. They find it difficult to understand me and how I feel so I guess because of it, I am reluctant to connect with them...I know after suffering loss of a loved one, life seems/ feels different, and I know it is unfortunately all part of life. I tell myself I should try to make the most of the life inside of me because I am here, and I hope I will. But for now I am still healing physically, emotionally, and finding my way through. I am managing things that need managing and taking care of priorities.But I do hope to find the courage to live again..I hope you will heal, it doesn't matter how long it takes.Then, when you're stronger, I hope you can find a new path to try,where you will feel joy again and be able to smile at the wonderful memories you were lucky enough to share with your loved ones.. I wish you peace xx

[WorrySmalls in reply to Tillyray]

Thank you so much and what you wrote made me smile. I'm ready to let it go, I've carried this as far as it can go. I can't talk to my grandmother about this because her only response is go to church and she struggled also. Things are not the same 70 years ago and she's stuck in her ways. So I usually keep things bottled in and I stay to myself. I can now see that is no good because I think the worst of any situation.

I made the first step and made an appointment to speak with someone. It's time for me to stop being the lone wolf and turn back into a social butterfly.

I wish you peace, happiness and blessings.

[Tillyray in reply to WorrySmalls]

Thank you. It fills my heart with admiration for you, and I am hopeful for myself.. I absolutely agree with the decision you have made to move forward. We all must do it, its what living is all about. With your courage and determination, the future can be special and fulfilling.. You are an inspiration and I wish you all the very best xx