Trying to change

[SabrinaBanks1]

Hi guys,

I'm new here and I don't really know where to start. I found this app today as I am on a mission to change myself for the better. I have just said to myself for the first time that I have depression. Im going off my own judgement because I don't have insurance so I can't go get a health evaluation. I have come to realize that I have been putting myself down ever since last year when I decided to be a dumb ass and have an affair with a man who once hurt me in the past. Why I did it I'm still unsure about but when my husband found out he left me. It took a lot of talking and changing to be where I am today and I am so lucky to have him by my side but this guilt is something I still live with and the worst part is after it all my husband put in a good word about my writing and got me a writing job at his job and I managed to mess that up like I mess everything up. Instead of working hard I chose to copy and past my old work and if you don't know about google rankings it drove the company into a downward spiral of which I didn't even understand why or how it could happen. I never copied from other sources just my own work to save myself 30mins-1hour of writing. I have come to realize after I got fired that I'm lazy and I can't do anything right. I did however try and move on and got a new job doing the same thing except this time I won't mess things up, I will work hard and be proud of my achievements however it feels so strange and I feel doubt in my husbands heart because he is so hurt by last year and the shit I pulled my the job with him putting in a good word. He blames himself because he knew I didn't want to work there and I didn't enjoy it as I should've but it's not his fault at all. I feel bad because the company is trying to fix all the mistakes I have made and I feel bad the company barely has money and gave my husband a cut due to the lack of traffic coming in. I feel like I can change but then I think about all I have done and feel like I will never change. I would appreciate anyone's words or advice at this moment I feel down and confused

[Hidden]

Hey Love don't despair! You can learn from the bad choices you've made. It is when we screw up the most that we learn the most important lessons. You are very lucky to have a man that is willing to stand by you. I've made HUGE mistakes in my 3 failed marriages O_O The important thing is to learn from them & never repeat the mistakes of the past. Changing yourself IS POSSIBLE! It requires ALL OF YOUR STRENGTH & WILLPOWER. But if you start with letting go of the guilt of the past, you can move forward. Start today by writing down every character flaw you don't want to have anymore. Then each day, DON'T DO THAT THING ANYMORE! LOL! Best of luck!

[SabrinaBanks1 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much! I'm going to make a list now I appreciate your words!!! 😊

[Hidden in reply to SabrinaBanks1]

I'm here for you anytime Love! ❤

[Windy101]

You're taking the first (and probably most important) step to change, and that is being honest with yourself. It sounds like you've got good values and that your choices in the past don't feel good to you. One thing that helped me was to start asking myself, Is this going to make me respect myself? If the answer was no, I didn't do it. You are on the right track now, so just keep remembering to live by your real values ... the next step will be to work on forgiving yourself. You ARE changing!