Addiction

[FindingPeace]

My fiancé is addicted to smoking weed. I know a lot of people see it as harmless, but it affects our relationship. He's not emotionally available at times and I feel like I can't take him places where he can't smoke because he gets agitated. Everyone in my life including myself has struggled with drugs and alcohol. I don't plan to leave him but I can't change him either. Part of me feels like this is as good as I deserve. I'm a bad person. People don't like me because I can be mean. I don't really mean it, but I just have so much hurt in my heart. I wonder if I'll ever be okay, happy and peaceful.

[Hidden]

You have to make some serious decisions to make. I'm not equipped to do much except wish you well, but you know the future doesn't look that way. You intend to marry a drug addicted man and you are in an atmosphere of addicted people.

You already can't go anywhere that your man might get "nervous" or craving dope. Perhaps you should think about postponing the wedding until you think and look for professional help for you. 50% of marriages fail in the US. If you still intend to marry this man and he has no intention of changing his habits, you are going to need a great deal of help to make the marriage work. My best to you. Your heart can sometimes over ride your brain.

[FindingPeace in reply to Hidden]

He claims he will stop, especially when we have kids. How do I know if he's serious?

[Hidden in reply to FindingPeace]

You don't.

[Shelfie9]

Please don't marry him. I too have alcoholics all over my family, I dated them, I married one, I lost myself in my codependence. I promise you the one thing you should focus on now is not getting married to him. If that means you break up then do it. Are you happy? You should be. I didn't know how to be, I have worked on that. You won't be able to if you marry him. All the energy you focus on coping can be spent learning to love yourself. I am still working to make sure I make good decisions for myself so I can be happy, you can do it too. Talking helps.