Just too tired...

[ea06rodr]

I have been trying to write something for over a week now. Every time I look at the screen and the blank space, I get freaked out because I am scared that will this actually help me? Will a bunch of strangers actually help me when doctors and medication hasn't been able to?

I feel so lost. So scared. So tired. So hurt. I am at work and I can't even focus on it. Every time I try I just stare off and get an urge to either scream or cry. Practically had a panic attack as well. I feel like my life has just been an utter failure and I continue to ask what's the point anymore? I have no one and nothing. I am just so TIRED of feeling this way and trying and I am honestly scared that I am just plunging further and further into a dark hole.

[sweetiepye]

Well, you did it, you wrote something. Good for you, now try writing a little more. It's the way to get well also. Just a little at a time and it will add up. Don't try to do it all at once or even thing about all of it at once. It's way to overwhelming to do it that way. Do one thing a day that scares you. And be easy on yourself, beating yourself up won't help. Look for your successes . Pam

[ea06rodr in reply to sweetiepye]

Thank you so much Pam. I truly appreciate your extremely kind and insightful words of encouragement. I am trying to keep PMA (positive mental attitude), but sometimes i feel myself slowly slipping at times and that is what gets me. But thank you again!

[Hidden]

Hiya, and thanks for sharing. I'm very sorry for all you are enduring. It sounds like you really just need someone to listen to you and hear what you have to say. It's so hard to just feel overwhelmingly tired and like there won't be an end. Today can be your beginning. For me, I started thinking of future me and tried to write advice and encouragement to her. But I also have been better about opening up - I was afraid people would think I'm stupid or laugh at me. Having some friends again has helped me. Holding good thoughts for you - you are not alone.

[ea06rodr in reply to Hidden]

Thank you thank you thank you! If i could, i would continue with more thank you's. It honestly made me feel sooo good to see your response and to understand where I am coming from. And your right. I am probably one of the most closed off people. Not that i want to be. But just because I am so scared of being judged for how i am feeling or scared that. No one will understand. The few conversations that i've had with my immediate family were like that where they honestly did not understand what it truly means to suffer because of this, and it hurt. But you are right. I have to keep trying and pushing myself forward.

[Hidden in reply to ea06rodr]

So... sorta interesting but have talking with a group of women about healthy friendships. Think crockpot- as you share, it doesn't have to be your life story or give people to feel like you are a basket case. Be willing to get to know others - questions like / where are you going on vacation? I heard you're selling your house- how is that going? What's the best thing that happened today? Are your kids ready to go back to school? Then be willing to answer this same type of question. If you care for others, it will make you the sort of person others look to and admire and that you learn to trust. Of course this is all hypothetical cuz I'm still basket case and just have a few friends! 😊