Anxiety that causes Depression

[Aivah]

I've had continuing issues with anxiety/depression since I was 13years old. I had my first panic attack/meltdown at 11years old. I started getting on different medications that are supposed to help my issues at 18years old. They don't help at all like one would expect and I'm still on trial and error with meds. Different doctors too. I'm almost 22 now, still struggling with the same annoying issues. My anxiety causes the depression.

I have general anxiety, but I've noticed it's the worst in social situations. I'm also a lesbian which makes things great *sarcasm.* I'm biracial, which I've recently noticed has contributed to some of my anxiety. I've never had a group I fit into. Other mixed people I run into seem to cling to one identity and know who they are and where they belong/where they stand in life. I'm still trying to figure that out which makes me stick out in groups...even where I may supposedly be inclined to fit in. It's a lonely feeling being in a room full of people who like you but you don't feel connected to them, or literally can't because of your issues. A lot of times people have stopped liking me because I'm too awkward or just distant. I'm hungry for friends, and love, but I feel I have to be stable with myself before taking on other people.

I have a job, which is stressful because it's in customer service and I'm not that big of a people person. *sighs* The anxiety plays a big part in that. I would prefer a job where I work alone and never really have to deal with anyone. The horrible part about that though is that I do crave to be social....and it's pretty much required that one goes to school now in order to get a good paying job whether it's sociable or not. School's a pretty sociable place. But, I really would like to branch out of this vicious anxiety cycle because I know I could be doing way better things with my life and contribute more to the world than just, "great customer service." Not to knock down anyone who would feel accomplishment in doing that! I just feel like I want to become part of something with greater purpose and meaning behind it. Networking with people is a big part of doing that, or starting something like that up.

Knowing these annoying things about myself, then running into situations where I'm worried I won't be normal, and then sometimes when I do get into situations and I'm not normal (normal meaning just acting genuinely comfortable with myself being around people, especially new people, but everyone's included) makes me depressed and feel down, like I will never change or get better. Anyone who can relate, or can give good advice on how to manage this situation is welcome to leave commentary. Feel free to ask for more information about my predicament if it helps you better gauge what advice to give, or how to better relate.

[Kobojunkie]

From your post, I think you have it all the other way around.

I don't believe anxiety causes depression, neither do I believe depression causes anxiety. That said, I think your inner fears, guilt, shame, low self-esteem issues/low self-worth, are also fueling your anxiety and depression in many ways.

In your post, you mention that you are biracial as if you are not totally comfortable with it - kind of like that matters much, well at least to you, Then you follow that up by saying you never had a group you fit into, and you go ahead to mention other mixed people clinging to one identity or another, as if you have to do what others do too.

You say you are still trying to figure out what makes you stick out in groups, and I immediately think why? Then you talk about people liking you, and then later not like you.....

You blame anxiety the stress you experience at work even though you admit that you prefer to work in a place where you don't have to deal directly with people. You then follow that up by suggesting you want to be social and part of some greater purpose.

You should really consider that your anxiety may be as a result of your own fears, insecurities, shame, and possibly guilt. You don't seem to love who you are. That is a big open door for anxiety and depression to walk right in and make them a home in your mind.

I really hope you recognise it so you can begin working on healing yourself. Medication can only fix so much, it can't however, the emotional issues that continue to keep anxiety and depression coming back.

[drloonbird in reply to Kobojunkie]

Are you seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist? I have struggled with panic attacks my whole life and can even remember having them at age 10. It got worse in college and I developed agoraphobia on top of everything and couldn't even drive my car. I am 59 years old now and managed to get my PhD, so even when you're crazy, life can go on somehow. I take Effexor, Neurontin, Latuda, Xanax (max dose), and ambien and they generally work pretty well. Unfortunately one builds up a tolerance for Xanax and they won't give me any higher script. It gets scary. Occasionally I go inpatient to the hospital just to get some rest and feel safe--I know that sounds weird but it's true. It allows you to "not think" and have everything done for you and scheduled. Sad, but it can help. I feel for you. I believe that anxiety CAN lead to depression because of the frustration of feeling a panic you can't control and then you feel powerless and depressed so I disagree with the above answer personally. There are tons of us out here who feel your pain, trust me. xo

[drloonbird in reply to drloonbird]

ps I am a lesbian too!

[EdanaBrietta]

I agree with drloonbird. I believe anxiety can fuel depression. My anxiety is all future based and if I allow myself to believe that what CAN happen, WILL happen, I become depressed and hopeless about the future. This depression causes me to want to cry and stay home all the time, which can make anxiety worse because there is nothing to distract me from my anxious thoughts, which then contributes to my depression...you see my point.

I also agree with Kobojunkie. Have you tried getting to the root of your anxiety and depression? Mine comes from a genetic predisposition to anxiety and depression, coupled with childhood trauma that leads me to fear being helpless and out of control, and then dreading any situation in which I might feel this (rollercoasters are horrible for me). Trying to find the root cause for your anxiety is one of the first steps, in my opinion, for finding ways to cope. Others say the cause doesn't matter, so long as you learn to cope. But I believe it's important to identify the root cause so that you can begin to heal your anxiety at its "source".