I'm new to this

[Cassidythomp94]

I'm not one to open up about things but I have depression, ptsd, and anxiety it's a battle all in itself on a daily basis. Not only that but I have epilepsy and got told I have aspergers those are just 2 other stressors in my life.... I got diagnosed with ptsd after my mom died and a rough patch with a guy anxiety because everything I felt like was going against me.. college, not having my mom and the list goes on and eventually depression. Another thing I wasn't expecting to hear but "you could've had it for years you're just good at wearing masks" my doctor said. With everything I have wrong I feel like a burden because I get anxiety over nonsense or I'm fine then just out of nowhere get upset or even just flashbacks... my friends didn't sign up for this neither did my family I just feel worthless and annoying

[BonnieSue]

You need to let go of what you think you are doing to your family or friends. Please look at what YOU need and forget about any inconvenience you are to others. You are important and you are ill. You didn't choose to be ill, but you are. It's just the way things are and your family and friends need to accept that. You need to accept that. You have value and are certainly worthwhile!! You are worth my time right now!! ...and in future answers and writing. Don't you dare think otherwise because I don't!

Was the doctor you saw going to help you or do you need to find one? Are you on any medication for your depression, anxiety and PTSD? These answers anybody here will want to know as part of helping you out. Can you get back to us with these answers please?

I'm so sorry that you lost your mom, that's a tough thing. Our moms are very important to us, I know. You'll probably miss her for a very long time, the rest of your life, really. I also regret that you had such a hard time with a guy and with everything going wrong for you in your life. That's a really difficult situation! A tough thing to get through. You've had some very tough times, my friend. It's no wonder you're feeling down right now. But you can get better like so many others have, like myself. Write back, okay?

[Cassidythomp94 in reply to BonnieSue]

I have all 2 people who accept me for me if that makes any sense? My friend always says "Your diseases/conditions don't define you".... She's told me that multiple times until I believed it as much as she did because I felt so different having all these things wrong with me. My own sister doesn't even accept it she says I'm weird or different for having all that wrong. I'm on an anxiety and a depression pill. And honestly that rough patch with the guy is my ex boyfriend he raped me a month before my mom died so it's just a difficult thing to deal with! I just feel like everything's going against me

[BonnieSue in reply to Cassidythomp94]

Now you've added the revelation of a rape to the insults you are bearing!! EGAD!! You're a tough one!! You are an overcomer, Woman!!! You need a good counselor who's on your side to take you through these tough, tough times. Wrap yourself in love and tenderness, warm yourself at the fire of self love and compassion. You deserve it and need it for now. Let the "friends" that can't understand fall away to the side of the road for now, keep only those who accept you as you are right now. Because that's who you need in this season of your life in order to heal effectively and wholly.

Make no great demands on yourself while you're healing and don't allow anyone else to do so either. New relationships tend to do this so avoid them if possible, with the exception of acquiring a counselor. Come here for understanding and kudos when you need them. Someone is always here! Take care!

[Cassidythomp94 in reply to BonnieSue]

And what I don't get... I lost one of my closest friends to suicide little did I know she was suffering from depression. Should've caught it and I feel so bad I didn't do anything to try to help her! she tweeted: "I refuse to live in a society of forced happiness so that's that" it was so out of character for her She was always so happy and positive she became friends with everyone literally she came up to me and we became friends instantly... We got told were so much alike all the time basically became 2 peas and a pod! Now that she's gone, I lost my other half so to speak and people say "You're so much like her, stay strong we don't want to lose you too" do they think I'm gonna end up doing the same thing?! But then I told my friend she said "They're right you do remind me of her, but you're still here fighting."

[BonnieSue in reply to Cassidythomp94]

Well...you can seem to be like her in many ways without being exactly like her. You don't have to feel obligated to imitate her right up to putting yourself to death!!! That would be going too far, don't you think?

Is there any good reason to imitate her exactly? Aren't you down deep your own person with your own personal history? You have things that have happened and gifts that are uniquely yours and not hers, don't you? There just aren't 2 of you exactly the same just as there aren't 2 of me. Even though I was constantly neck and neck with grades and competition in grade school with another Susan. We were still different people in other ways. Thank God!

[Cassidythomp94 in reply to BonnieSue]

I don't have intentions towards suicide I'm just frustrated as to why people say "you're so much like her we don't want to lose you too" do they think I'm not entirely ok? I mean I'm ill or whatever but "you're so much like her" ok compliment because we were 2 peas in a pod adding "we don't want to lose you too" just makes me doubt myself to a certain extent.... I partly think it's my fault she posted: "I refuse to live in a society or forced happiness and that's that" I knew it was out of character for her but a lot of teens were tweeting stuff like that at the time so I thought nothing of it... The next thing I know I found out she's gone and I should've done something maybe I could've helped her...!

[BonnieSue in reply to Cassidythomp94]

So you feel somewhat responsible for her death. I don't think any human being can carry that load. You need to let yourself be free of that responsibility. Just let... it...go. She made her own decision and it's not likely you could have talked her out of it.

[Cassidythomp94]

Honestly I found reasons for why I could be at fault for things that have happened in life.... My mom dying from cancer a sophomore in highschool at the time my reasoning "if I wouldn't have been a bitch and treated her like crap she'd still be around" I was only 16 I didn't know how to deal with it I got into the wrong crowd and made stupid decisions wasn't around much.... Why I got raped I could've done more to stop it but I froze because I thought I did all I could do, her death I could've tried to help her and be there when she needed it most... pay attention to her tweet and take it seriously instead of blowing it off