Serious Trust Issues

[Mikuuu]

Hey guys,

I can't trust anyone at all. If someone makes a decision for me or gives me advice, I feel they don't intend good for me.

In the past, I listened to advice and while I was young I was made to say yes to something's on the promise of 'things will get better'. Only problem ,they never did. Now whenever someone tells me to pick something, for example, choosing a life partner, I want everything to be established. Right now someone had sent forth a proposal but he isn't financially stable. Everyone wants me to ho ahead and give him a chance, that he is hardworking and will get somewhere. And I can't say yes. Its not the first time. I have given up a lot of proposals just because of this: leaving things up to the future improvement hopes. I don't know what to do. The only things , I have trust in is my own self. Other than that, I keep thinking negatively. And I know I will end up hating everyone involved. Help!!!!

[dmstodge]

I feel for you and your situation. It sounds like you have been routinely disappointed in giving yourself hope for the future. I have to ask, is it the actual trust in the people who give you the advice that has you feeling that they don't have good intentions or the possible negative outcome from trying and putting yourself out there? You obviously respect your friends or you wouldn't consider their opinions or advice. Don't get me wrong, I have major trust issues too. With that being said, choosing a life partner is a major decision and not to be taken lightly. Not to mention it is terrifying. What you do will affect your entire life. Such a step shouldn't be about what others think you should do but what you feel you should do. There is nothing wrong with wanting stability. Sometimes friends forget that what is right for one person is not right for another. But, in the end, everything rests on hope for the future. Everything you do, every decision you make in one sense or another is based on making a favorable future outcome. Nothing is certain. Especially, when human emotions, wants, and desires are involved. Not exactly areas in which you can accurately calculate an outcome. Positive or negative. Eventually, you will have to make a decision one way or the other who to gift your trust to. Just make the decision based on what you need and want in a partner. What will make you happy. I can only imagine how frustrated you are. You said you trust in yourself. Then trust in yourself. Simply tell your friends that you appreciate their thoughts and you will consider them but the decision is yours. It doesn't mean you don't trust or value them. I have a feeling you know what you are looking for and are waiting for the right time. That my friend is hope for the future.

[Mikuuu in reply to dmstodge]

Yes I know what I want, but everyone keeps telling me that I am wasting time.

Your response is helpful, seems like you know exactly what I am getting at. Thankyou

[Kobojunkie]

You claim you have trust in yourself yet you seem to care a lot about what others have to say to you and are here now stressing over your not wanting to go along with their advise for fear that it would turn out the way your trust in them happened in the past?🤔

I don't think you are even sure of yourself -- so i don't think you should be here trying to convince us the statement " I have trust in is my own self." Is even true.

Have you considered seeing a therapist to help you tackle the negative thoughts in your head and also help you with your self-esteem? If however it is the case that you have a mental illness, i suggest you please go see your psychiatrist and work with him/her to get on a treatment plan that helps you take full control of your life and the decisions you make, and the consequences thereof.