The worst part of all this is

[sadgurl]

I am my own enemy. No one can truly help when you have a mental disorder. I've heard the words "mental disorder" so many times, I'm so sick of the two words.

Never depend on someone else; you will feel more of a burden and they will begin to resent you. Trust me, I'm an expert at that. I cause issues out of nowhere with my boyfriend, and I know he is an angel. But the demons in my head manipulate my thoughts into thinking otherwise. They cause me to believe that I am not worth anything to this world, so I wonder why am I here?

Happiness is a choice, but why do I always choose to be negative? How do I control these thoughts?

[Vepald]

I'm going through the same exact thing. I actually had to leave work to try to regroup. My boyfriend and daughter are wonderful but I feel lost

[sadgurl in reply to Vepald]

it's chaos in my head, i hope it's less distructive in yours. maybe take time apart from your family and see a relative for a few days? i visit my sister sometimes & it helps at the moment. yet, sadly it doesn't cure the overall disorder. seeking serious therapy is my next move.

[Vepald in reply to sadgurl]

I see a counselor and that ha's helped but it stil is unbearable at times. I just wish I could turn off my thought's and regroup. Work is an escape but today it was just to hard. I came home for a few hours

[BlueJay08]

Happiness is not a choice but a feeling. It is a result produced from tools, not a tool to produce results! This is my description off the top of my head so it's not influenced from anything but facts and experience. It's not advice on what to do but it may help you think clearly to obtain information and that can help with anxiety, knowledge. It breaks down to this. If this post was offensive then you are not ready to handle this without professional help or some more time to mature to a certain level of mental involvement. If your first reaction to my post was, "that makes sense" then you may be able to treat yourself if you commit to learning what is going on up there. However, if it is severe than there is no choice but to see a psychiatrist or suffer until death from the disorder! That's it!

[sadgurl in reply to BlueJay08]

that does make sense. i'll take whatever advice i can get, so thank you

[BonnieSue]

I believe the opposite of Bluejay: happiness IS a choice. We can choose to be happy or miserable. It's up to us. Haven't you listened to the person who isn't happy about anything? Who complains about everything? I sure have. And there's no reason for it...their life is similar to other people's...they just choose to see it in a negative way. Being happy is our choice...it's how we choose to look at the facts in our lives. We can see things in a positive manner or a negative manner... It's all up to us. But how you feel physically will be influenced by how you think mentally. So be prepared.

[BlueJay08]

Let's try and meet in the middle. You are right about our mental state affecting us physically. It happens to me almost dynamically. Happiness could be considered a choice in a backwords way of relating I guess. It's your choice how you act, react and what you do. So if you're not happy as a result of decisions made then I could justify happiness as a choice. This is what I'm trying to get at. Okay, I want to be happy. I choose to be happy. I made this choice... okay so why don't I feel happy even though I just chose to be? Because happiness is a product that increases the harder you work for it. Wishing to be happy may hurt more in the long run when it doesn't happen for free.