New to the community

[Aburrows]

Hello my name is April. I'm 34 years old and I have been suffering from depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem because of it. I have a hard time keeping a job because I get so bad that Im scared to leave my house. I have 4 boys to take care of and that seems to make my illness worst.

[Hidden]

Hi I emphasise as it's very hard working with depression and to have 4 children as well must make it very difficult.

You don't say whether you are having any treatment? Have you seen the doctor? Are you on any meds or having any counselling? Do you feel able to tell us more please?

[BonnieSue in reply to Hidden]

Hi April,

Nice to see you here!

I agree with lilaclil and have the same questions.

[Aburrows in reply to BonnieSue]

I will answer any questions u may have so feel free to ask thanks

[Aburrows in reply to Hidden]

Hello thank u for replying. Im on Celexa and klonopin. They seem to help some but don't take it all away. I have had therapy in the past and was diagnosed with a ADD and social anxiety General anxiety and clinical depression. Sometimes I think I might have bipolar bc I have these times were I get so angry for no reason. I get so worried about how to survive a in working bc I need to. I have all my family on me about it and I try to explain to them how this effects me but they really don't understand.

[Hidden in reply to Aburrows]

Hi anger can be a big part of depression. Bi-polar is more about changeable moods, either very fast ie a dozen times a day or the classic highs and lows which can last for weeks each.

Unfortunately those closest to us often don't understand. It doesn't mean they don't love us but many just don't get it. If others lack of understanding is causing you stress or anger then it's probably best to only talk to those who do understand. It saves us feeling bad about ourselves even more than we do anyway.

[BonnieSue]

You have a tremendous amount of responsibility on your shoulders and you know it, thus you feel the weight of it and the pressure it puts you under. I can only imagine what this is like and I respect you for it. This responsibility is surely a big part of your depression and anxiety.

First I would like to see you report to your prescribing doctor that your meds do not cover all of your anxiety and depression. Be very specific about the symptoms you still have so your doctor can adjust your meds to better help you. It's a process that's imperfect but keep it up and call if necessary between appointments so you can keep on making adjustments to get your meds at their most helpful. With each change ask your doctor how long should you wait through the new change before calling his/her office about how you're doing. And even if everything is fine for a year or 2, things can change and you need to go ahead and call in at these times too and report the change.

Don't expect your family to understand you because chances are they can't. Would you have understood years ago before you ever knew about these kind of problems? Come here for understanding or join a local group meeting and do resume counseling because you still very much need that support. You have multiple reasons to join a group and get one-on-one counseling. Just ADD, GAD, social anxiety or depression alone are all excellent needs for counseling. Add to that your anger of unknown origin. You need a counselor yesterday!!!

Your anger could be due to the way you were treated as a child growing up with ADD, but who knows? Children with ADD require tons of patience and often are considered disobedient and undisciplined at best. Their ADD often goes undiagnosed. Teachers have a hard time dealing with their lack of attention span without becoming impatient and prejudiced against the ADD child. The parents often have similar problems, including punishing for not paying attention and related rule breaking. You, on your own, can spend some time in meditation to see if this is the reason for your anger, but doing this with a counselor may be necessary in the end to get to the truth.

Your idea about being bipolar may have merit but you need to bring that up with your psychiatrist and counselor (when you get one). Together you can talk about symptoms and figure this out. This may also solve the problem why your meds aren't completely working for you. But it doesn't quite fit, but people don't fit in nice neat categories all the time.

If you have a religious faith, it would help you tremendously to put your trust in God and to let go of some of the responsibility that you are carrying around. Your burden would be so much lighter.