New to community MorticiaBlue

[MorticiaBlue]

I'm new here. I have a big problem with holidays. I get overwhelmed and frustrated to the point that since my family has had negative experiences with family members who are diagnosed but don't use their meds. I've neen put in the same category. My moods are so unpredictable during the holidays and i don't do very well with holiday guests. My cousin who i live with now told me that she doesn't want to speak to me and i need to move

[Hidden]

Did you do anything to upset her?

[MorticiaBlue in reply to Hidden]

I wrote a post on Facebook this morning stating i need to distance myself from my toxic family because they will never accept me for who i am. Not 10 minutes later she responded via text that I'm stressing her out and causing her too much anxiety. It's been a hard week. I hate the holidays especially when her exhusband comes over because he's bipolar and still uses drugs. He has angry outbursts that triggers me. He blamed me for the toilet overflowing once again. She had him to leave but by that time i was very overwhelmed. She told me that she's done too much for me and I'm always miserable. That there's something wrong with me every other day and she has a lot of anxiety because of it and i need to move. She slammed thedoor to her bedroom and told me don't speak to her for a week. I've appreciate everything she's done for me but holidays I'm usually overwhelmed and I'm unpredictable. I've been taking classes thru the mental health association but it takes time and I'm not going to change overnight. She says she's giving me solitude as a gift. I feel as if it's a punishment. I feel bad for using the word toxic. Maybe i should have used another word. She says she realizes our family is dysfunctional but as long as her grown daughters are happy she's ok and i should work on my relationships with my daughters. My daughters understand me to a point but they've only seen the bad side of untreated or self medicating mental illness. I'm actually taking my meds and I've been in recovery for27 years. But i still habe mental scars. Abusive relationships. Feeling unloved. I don't like myself. I feel like I'm always the villian.

[Hidden in reply to MorticiaBlue]

Sometimes we have to think twice on how you word things and sometimes you really have to be careful with what you post on Facebook because you can never take it back once you hit that post button

[MorticiaBlue in reply to Hidden]

I need to think more. I need to talk things out or journal more. I really meant what i said but i shouldn't have used the word toxic. I'm not a good roommate. I'm better off alone. That way i can take ppl in small doses and leave. I always put my foot in my mouth. And i can't explain after i said it. I'm very uncomfortable right now. She's been like a sister to me and once again I've burned a bridge.

[Hidden]

Journaling your anger and anxiety is a good method. Give her a few days and then have a talk with her start by giving her a sencere apology and letting her know how much she means to you Even if you are still moving. Don't loose your cousin and friend. And maybe stay away from Facebook when it comes to venting your personal problems. I for one don't like to put personal business on social media.

[MorticiaBlue in reply to Hidden]

I will. I think I'll just take a break from Facebook period. When i feel like this i tend to post the wrong thing. Thank you for your help💚