Good Evening Guys and Gals,
I wanted to start this post off by saying keep going- you might think your life is falling apart, but the truth is.. as long as you have a roof over your head, a bite to eat, and a support group as awesome as this- we are all doing just fine! We all need some positivity in our lives and for me- that has been a very tough hurtle to jump over. I suffer from PTSD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and ADD. Every day is a constant struggle and because my anxiety is so bad, it is unfortunately leading me down the road of depression. I was diagnosed with GAD and ADD in 2012 and was diagnosed later that year with PTSD. I have gone through quite a few significant events which have led my anxiety to sky rocket. I had previously been getting anxiety attacks about once every 1-2 months, but it seems as though now they are coming more and more frequently.
Yesterday was one of the worst panic attacks of my life.
I couldn't breathe, I couldn't speak, the walls felt as if they were caving in around me. I felt so alone. My family knows I suffer from anxiety, but when they tell me I'm doing well- I don't believe them. I sat there completely alone in work, trying to just focus on the task at hand, but something was holding me back. I didn't know what it was, but I felt like I had hit a wall. My concentration was at a stand still, clouded by the thoughts of where I was going to move next? When was I going to have to move? Was my well going to let go when I wasn't home, leaving my entire basement apartment full of water? Was I going to come home to a dead guinea pig because I forgot to give her water? Where was I going in my life and how was I going to get there? Why am I so unhappy? Were these tears ever going to fall?
I sat there in my desk chair for what seemed like an eternity while I pondered every question I could possibly come up with about my life. I knew I should be happy, but my damn anxiety wouldn't leave me alone.
I have so much more to say, but I will continue tomorrow... as for today- I will leave you all with a quote my best friend taught me. "All days end."