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[Ah1232]

I struggle with depression and anxiety also. Some days are harder than others. Right now I have been experiencing flash backs of past trauma that have to go with being victimized. Usually from past relationships but mainly because I was scammed on the internet 4 years ago. I have noticed that trauma can make the depression and anxiety worse. I am about to try mdmr for the past trauma. I am tired of feeling stuck in fear.

[BonnieSue]

I'm sorry that you have this trauma that you can't forget and that comes back to bother you. I wish it had never happened. I would change it for you if I could. All I know is to help you from this moment onward. Is mdmr a type of therapy? I think I've had that in the past. It worked well for me.

I can see how you would have fear that's realistic based on past trauma. Yet you must go onward and have to face and live with your fear, which isn't an easy thing to do. Not at all. You're very brave. Every day you have to be brave and I admire that in you. But it must be exhausting, also. I can see that. You need a break. Every time Michael comes over it's a break for you so that's a good thing. And I'm there sometimes. We'll get through this.

[Ah1232 in reply to BonnieSue]

Thank you for saying that I am brave because sometimes I feel if I was brave I wouldn't be so scared. It is exhausting to wake up and always think about what I should be doing or where I should be in my life. The fear is exhausting. I just pray that God will see me through the doubts and lead me to a place of peace. Yes it is a type of therapy. I actually start next week. I want to learn to not let the trauma hold me back anymore. Thank you for being there.

[BonnieSue in reply to Ah1232]

I apologize for my mistake. I was falling asleep when I wrote about my son and I. I shouldn't have kept pushing myself and it's pretty strange how I wrote about us.

To me, bravery isn't present if you aren't afraid. I believe it takes bravery to get up and go out into the world and do what you believe you must do in spite of feeling fear. And THAT takes courage and that is bravery at it's finest.

[Ah1232 in reply to BonnieSue]

Thank you!

[gogogirl in reply to Ah1232]

Remember that being scammed is not a small matter, but it is not your fault. It is the person who scammed you. There are a lot of people out there like that, and unfortunately some are in high level positions who act pleasantly. Is there anything legally you can do? Believe me, in my case it was vague, but I sure did research it. Sometimes justice is the best therapy if it's at all possible. The other week, I heard about an IRS scam that is targeting older people. Sure enough, we got one of those calls ( which I did not answer) and I reported it to the police. They said they knew who it was, and thanked me for reporting the call. My scam from many years ago was not IRS. There are so many scams out there, it;s hard to keep up with them, and it;s a crying shame. Perhaps some day if you feel like it you can educate others about what happened to you- that's another form of justice. I also call members of congress as well, and speak to them ( or their office staff) about laws and protection. I was always political but this made me even more so. Remember, you were a victim of a scam but not a victim of society.

[Ah1232 in reply to gogogirl]

That really helps that I was not a victim of Society. There is a lot of needless shame and guilt attached to it. It has been 5 years but the scars will always be there. I have though about educating other women about this issue being that I have done my research since it happened. Have u heard of the Nigerian scams? At the time it happened to me I was completely unaware. They prey on Woman that are vulnerable. The know exactly what to say. There are many red flags to avoid being scammed by these predators. I would like to educate woman of these red flags. You are the first woman I have talked to that can truly understand. Thank you dearly for that.

[Ddorne]

ah1232, I also have depression and anxiety and OCD. My OCD causes intrusive thoughts which sometimes are very bad. Can you tell me what mdmr is? I wish you well. I am sorry for your trauma.LD

[Ah1232]

Thank you for replying. I really need support at this time. My son also had depression and anxiety and the anxiety is so bad he won't leave the house. So this morning I am taking him to a children's hospital in Austin TX. I feel like I am drowning helping him with myself needing help. It's a therapy for trauma. It's not easy to go back and talk about the past but it helps as I have heard. I stopped taking my medicine and need to get back on something. So that's what I am doing looking for a psychiatrist.

[gogogirl]

I went through a scam also many years ago, but not on the internet. This isn't the whole cause of anxiety and depression, but it definitely ups the ante. Plus it hit when I was vulnerable when there was family loss. Somehow, I put one foot in front of the other, but I am not the same. I finally found someone who went through something similar. I had anxiety/depression issues before, but afterwards they became more intense. Plus, I am an older person although I was not nearly as "old" as I am now. I still experience enjoyment in life, but I am more withdrawn. Still, it is a fight, but I am determined to win. Some days are better than others especially since I am ashamed that this happened. I try to let it go but I have serious regrets especially since I am usually on the ball. Please feel free to communicate. I am sorry that there are dishonest people out there, and it's made me a more cynical person. Unfortunately not all people in business are honest. One therapist I saw said," Don't let it happen again." That was some years back. No kidding! I see a different person now. I realize that I cannot go back and fix it or play it out differently, and perhaps that is part of the trauma- that I cannot fix this or somehow wish that it did not happen. I find that if I am around people or am doing something to give back to society ( besides work) like volunteering at the senior center, then I feel more purposeful besides living my personal life.

Looking forward to hearing from you.