Deciding what to say, Diagnosis after 15 years in mental health.

[carolinevictory1972]

I am 44 years old, U just don't know how glad I am to have stumbled upon this community. I am diagnosed disassociative dual personality disorder, seizure disorder, bi polar, anxiety with panic attacks, and severe depression. These were diagnosed in 2008 during a repeated 5 to 7 day say at a psychiatric hospital dual diagnosis unit. I was suicidal, and had been on opiate pain meds since 2000. I have only overcome the abuse of medication and learned a lot about being myself, but I need to understand how to have a productive life, I have withdrawn from college twice the last time I had a breakdown and my seizure disorder caused such confusion and I was so disoriented I couldn't find what work was done to turn it in or anything my gpa dropped from 3.8 which I had carried since I started to a 1.85 in one 5 week term I failed three classes and was dismissed. Devastated, I consider my disabilities challenges but I want to know how much I need and if I can get the necessary help to obtain the skills needed to work outside my home earn a living. Become independent. I became a shut in for 5 years when I started having seizures and lost my job. Medically I was unsafe to operate any machine. No one would hire me. I was then given this med to a dosage I couldn't function then another anti seizure drugs, most of them with side affects which I am suffering from now. However I lived alone with my two children who were on my side, but made sure I only took it as prescribed so we did our best. When I demanded to see the test or medical reports what ever they had they though gave them the right to keep me on these outrageous dosages of anti pharmaceuticals that for all they knew was destroying the brain I had left

They had never done any test to determine the seizures existence, levels of some of those meds are supposed to be monitored, they never were. I was unable to defend myself, I had no idea they didn't care or know what they were doing damage or benefit. My husband of 13 years now flat out told the Neurologist Junior, he was not seeing me take anything else, I was so unable to function now because of the medications they had me taking along with mental health, I couldn't do anything, and seizures were coming as soon as the medication had time to break down. I would have died or been destroyed by stroke or locked in the dark place and never found a way out. My husband, got me off a lot of the medications, and I continued to take mental health meds until 2006 I was a patient at Center stone treated for 15 years and never diagnosed with bi polar, or recognized the two completely different personalities I have, I have seen myself now and I had a hard time wrapping my head around it at first but, I was able to learn and understand how this happened to me and I don't know if Ill ever be independent because my husband has always took care of me and I never wanted to get better and be this helpless. I am better, I need my Ativan which stops my mind from racing, my psychiatrist is withholding it because I had a drug test and it was present. If I could do without it I wouldn't need him to prescribe it, I was manic for three days, I lost control, I will never forget the fear every breath was a fight. Sorry I have no one to talk to needed to express some of you may not care but, I just want to do what I did today, have a goal, work toward it, make my habits keep on going day after day. Get a routine. I understand that is helpful for bipolar

[sweetiepye]

Dear Caroline, I am so sorry for what you have gone through and how unkind and unprofessional some of your Dr.s have been. These people are the ones who should be on your side and taking your wishes into consideration. Thank God you have the husband and children you have. The only experience I've had that even comes close to this was a drug overdose. New drug higher dose and also took old drug. I had not slept for 4 nights. So my body went into convulsive like movements, I couldn't talk, I was out of my mind with fear. The Dr. in the ER decided I had tried to kill myself and kept asking who I was angry at. I told him so many times I wasn't angry but I was starting to feel that way toward him. So he left and they sent me to another hospital where they did nothing and sent me home the next morning. The convulsions stopped of their own accord but I continued to have them on occasion for a year or more. I also had color hallucinations which I continue to have. Bright colors outline some people and things. I know how crazy that sounds so I never tell anyone what color they are. Tell me what you would be able to do on a regular day for exercise, or fun, could you take an online class? I do this, several universities offer free for no credit toward a degree online classes, you can chat with other students, mostly older people, and they are from all over the world. I'm in America. I am interested in you and I hope you will become a regular here. There are some lovely people on this forum and they will welcome and support you. Pam

[BonnieSue]

Hello Caroline,

I'm so sorry to hear of what you've been through, it saddens me to know that this has happened to you. It also makes me angry. How can doctors be so careless? How do they justify such behavior? And why haven't we heard more from you in the last month?

I'd be happy to hear from you again and to support you in your mission to recover from this tragedy that has been your experience with the medical community. I don't know what to do but to write to you here and to hope that you reply right here. I'll know if you do. I'm hoping and praying you do reply one of these days. I'd like to learn how you're doing and I want to know that you're doing well. I can always hope can't I? Please come back and write to me asap. I'm waiting for you.