I'm feeling very hopeless and angry about the unfairness of life. My sales job is a giant trigger but right now I don't have the energy to start applying for other positions. I feel like a worthless failure. I just woke up for the day not long ago and already feel like crying.
Very Dark Place: I'm feeling very... - Anxiety and Depre...
Very Dark Place
Written by
mball
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33 Replies
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Now is the time to reach out to a therapist is you already have one. If you don't, then you need to before these feelings continue to overwhelm you. I'm guessing you came to this site because you have depression/anxiety or sense that you do. Feeling hopeless and worthless are symptoms of depression which can only worsen if not addressed immediately. The stress and "unfairness" of life will always be a factor but your perception and ability to cope can change. Depending on how we feel will dictate how we manage stress. Cry if you need to but don't isolate yourself and ignore these symptoms. Best wishes!
Thank you for taking the time to reply. I've been on medicine and been in therapy for decades. I have OCD, GAD, and depression. I sometimes get in these horrible dark places. I have the worst self esteem so all day every day I'm injured by comments or events. Just wishing I could have a mind transplant!!!
I doubt you are worthless and a failure. Everyone has value and you have talents and gifts you were born with. You are good at some things, maybe a lot of things. You're just in a bad space right now. I'm sorry that you're feeling so down because I know how it feels and it stinks. Everything looks hopeless and dark. And you just want to curl up in bed and hide there forever.
Do you know that you're clinically depressed? That it's treatable? You don't have to stay this way? You need a psychiatrist and a counselor. If I was you I'd ask around for recommendations for a good psychiatrist and a good counselor from any doctor I know or go to and my friends and family know or go to. Check online reviews, too. Make appointments asap. The psychiatrist excels in diagnosing and determining the right medicine and the counselor helps you deal with the illness and issues like your job and your depression and life in general. You truly need both to get well.
I've been through hell with anxiety and depression but I've also been happy again and functional for most of the last 29 years with counseling and a psychiatrist overseeing my meds. Sometimes a GP will prescribe the meds but they have limited training in this area which can be quite complicated and certainly quite painful when the meds aren't right. I wish you great success. Take these steps and you WILL get better!
Thank you so much for responding. I've been on medicine and have been in therapy for decades...that's the scary part. But I get in these horrifically dark, hopeless places. I have OCD, GAD, and depression. How about you?
The same! But my depression has recently changed from major depression to bipolar II. My OCD is not much OCD, not much of a challenge either. Can you tell at what age your GAD hit you hard? Both myself and 1 of my sons got hit hard at about 31-33 years old.
Hey, I just heard the suggestion of group the other day and am going to try to take the advice I was given. I have never been on meds. Have you heard of Lexapro?
That's great you're on medication and getting therapy. I totally understand where you are and it can be a dark lonely place. It gets frustrating to know that even when you are doing everything you can to avoid depression, it still happens, life still happens. It sucks that some of us are more "sensitive" to life events than others. I try to think about the positives of being so sensitive and that being that we have the capacity to be empathetic in a way others might lack. Our concern is genuine and authentic because it comes from pure emotion. I try to remember that it's the depression making me feel this way and that it will improve, it always does.
Thank you so much for responding. You know, that's a really good way of looking at it....identifying the bad feelings as depression and holding onto that mindset. I so easily forget that I don't have perspective at these dark times.
Do not let this darkness control you. You are alive, which means you've beat the darkness every time it came up in the days before. It hasn't beat you yet because it can't and it won't.
If you have someone in person to speak to, reach out to them. There are people that love you, that want you here. The fact that you posted this means you know this, you know you're so valuable that even strangers will reach out to you. All of us in this community are struggling, but we're here because it helps us be stronger than our demons.
If you need to cry, do it. I usually feel better after I cry. But roll that energy into something positive. You can do it, we're all doing it with you.
Thank you so much. I am touched by you reaching out. It helps immensely to talk to someone who knows how I feel. I'm surrounded by people who don't understand even a tiny bit. Yes, I agree that crying is cathartic...but its hard when I'm at work , or there aren't enough tears in the world to make a dent.
What a great post. I am going to internalize it as well.
I'm sorry for your pain. I think and cry way to much. Wish i could shut it off. I think Life will never be what I think is fair and I envy (but glad for them) those who are able to not worry about anything. They just carry on. Lucky them. I'm working on controlling my feelings.
• in reply to
I hope you will try as I am to look at the bright side of life, smile more and look at each situation as individual and move on from there. There are so many wonderful things in this world, we just need to open our senses and take them in. I will be thinking of you.
mball• in reply to
Thank you so much for reaching out to me. All of my feelings are intense. I had a psychiatrist once tell me half-jokingly that I was multi-polar, and I think he was dead on.
gogogirl• in reply to
Others may worry but may not talk about it. I sometimes think the way you do.
Mball, I know how tough it is. It may be time to consider a career change. You need resources: a therapist to help you get through these tough times and identify/diagnose any condition you may have. Also, seek out a career counselor to help you identify transferable skills and what industries/jobs need those skills. Consider retraining too via a Community College. Does your current employer have an Employee Assistance Program (EAP)? If so, use those resources to find a therapist.
Thank you so much. Yeah, my career is toxic when I'm in a sales slump and I'm in a pretty epic slump right about now. I have a therapist and psychiatrist currently. My employer micromanages and sends out reports like a million times a day that make me feel horrible. I am constantly compared to my coworkers and if you are struggling it is a nightmare for someone with a fragile ego, anxiety, and depression.
Might be a good time to find a new job or career. Micromanagement is why I left my last job. Even though I'm not working currently, I actually feel pretty good. This link may come in handy: careeronestop.org
I agree with the career counseling also. Is there a voc rehab in your area? A career one stop can be good also. I am an older person ( yeah in my sixties) and am going through something similar although mine is a lot more complicated. Mine is isolation and regrets and guilt that got all balled up. Life is too short to waste time on something that is eating you up inside. I recently attended a workshop at a career center. The instructor said that only 17% of working people were satisfied with their careers or were in the "right" one. Sometimes a career you had formerly also might not be the right fit right now.
Hey, I was told many years ago that the career I had chosen intitially was a poor fit. In fact I was told by an interviewer that I was a poor fit as a person ( not a worker a person) and was a loser. He said I had a weak personality. Ever since then I have had self doubt and actually left that career after hearing that a number of times. I began ( and still do) consider myself to be an oddball. A friend recently told me that I was odd or different- but we still see each other. My brother has also said that I was a weirdo. Embrace who you are. ( Yes, I tell myself that too). If your boss is doing that that might be the company's way of making people compete or produce- in other words it is not personal. If you were that bad, they would have fired you. The sales are not your fault- I will bet- we are in a slumpish economy.
I hear you, I feel the same way. EVERYDAY is a struggle. Keep going, it will get better. At least that's what I tell myself.
Hi
Looks like we're the closest distance wise. Where do you live? I'm looking for support as I'm sure you are, this is pretty new to me. Reach out and we can become support to each other. I hope you are well.
Jill
Can you take a couple of days off? The good news: you have a job( No, that is not a lecture). Stress can blanket everything. I hope that you can find some peace perhaps a nice place to walk or a yoga class et al.
Haven’t been on for some time. Sometimes I need to be alone and not share my misery. Sorry for that. How has this year been for you? Are you feeling better😊
mball• in reply to
Very interesting to revisit this post and the responses. I'm alright now but about 3 weeks ago I was in a bad depression. You?
• in reply tomball
Im still planning to perk up and trying to stay positive. Finally weening off RX. Yuk!! Lol The fog is lifting right now. Thank God. Severe depression is horrible as you know. My medical issues added to my sadness.
Believe it or not the treadmill seems to help lift my spirits and not sure why but it does. Also I’ve removed or limited the time I’m in the presence of mean, negative people. I’m having outpatient surgery this week and after that I’m going to try and spend more time outside in the sun. I’ve been so wrapped up and consumed with feeling bad, I’ve forgotten all the wonderful things in life. I hope you can too. It’s a tough rode, but someone’s got to enjoy the walk, why not us. 😊
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