Hello, I'm new here. I did a fast search after having yet another panic attack. I have been having them recurrently for a long time, but I just recently discovered the name. I was always the one who had everything together according to everyone else, but felt like my whole world was always falling apart. I'm having a bad week. Probably one of the worst I've ever had. I'm depressed and struggling, and so scared. I have a gap year out of college now, no way to pass interviews, and just struggling to keep my head above water. Its sucks cause I'm good at what I do.... but with the fog of depression and panic its hard to show it off. Feels like I'll never get into a position, like I've wasted the last four years of my life. I'm scared to put it simply.

8 Replies

  • Hi Hadara!

    I'm a graduate student with generalized anxiety. I relate to what you write about that you were the together one. Me too, in the sense that I am on track to get a phd and I'm busy, busy, busy etc..... but I am struggeling to keep up and now a year behind....I was told this is called 'high functioning'....as in doing a lot of 'together'-things but inside you're crying. For me therapy and medication helped and I am now slowly getting back on track.

    I went to the university mental health service just to see if they could help in any way and they were very understanding and made it clear to me that i had a disorder and that I could be helped. They also sent me to a psychiatrist. The medication cleared my head, it felt like a miracle and it made all the difference.

  • That's really encouraging to here! I am beginning the process for medication, but my first attempt with the psychiatrist was for propranolol which made my heart rate too low. I'm nervous that the other anti-anxiety medications won't let me be clear-headed enough to think well during interviews and work. Thanks for replying! Really gives me some hope!

  • Hi!

    Are you being treated for your anxiety and depression? IMHO you need to see a psychiatrist and a counselor asap. You can get these problems under your control with treatment. That means medication and counseling. I've functioned quite well with major depression, bipolar II disorder and GAD---generalized anxiety disorder---due to meds and counseling. I am also a person who has tremendous accomplishments but couldn't have done them without the medical help I get. You can feel fine and get your degree and work but you do need the right drugs and counseling for you. So please act asap to get your life back on track. Best wishes!

  • HI!

    Thank you! I am working with psychiatrist and counselor now. In fact, I have my second meeting with the psychiatrist tomorrow to re-adjust meds. The whole process is rather overwhelming, and I was having a horrible day yesterday. Thank you so much for your encouraging note!

  • I feel scared frequently as well...

    And often it seems about stuff other people don't worry about.

    Yoga does help overall ( like anyone could do yoga during an attack), journaling often (sometimes I've discovered things I didn't know were bothering me)

    Cutting caffeine to a minimum also helps...

    But in the end therapy and meds are the most effective for me....

    Take a deep breath and know you aren't alone... There are a lot of us... Even if it looks from the outside like we have it all together

  • Hi Hadara,

    I recently joined the community as well. I'm sorry to say I feel like I know what you're going through. The one who "always had it together" struck a chord with me. I was an over achiever who stayed busy to drown out what I was masking. And one day, it went completely in the opposite direction. I hope you find support here and know that you're not alone in all this.

  • Thank you, that really means a lot to me. I too have always kept busy, but I haven't had a job since college so this last year I haven't had anything to distract me. Sometimes it feels overwhelming, and I know I push myself too hard that I should still "have it all together", whatever that means. It really is helping to see that I'm not alone.

  • It's really hard not having that distraction. It leaves a lot of time to think and fester in the negative thoughts. I always felt like my job was my identity, so without it I seem lost and without value. Which lead to a collapsed self esteem, which made it really hard to socialize sans confidence. At least we can socialize here with people who understand.

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