I posted 5 months ago under the heading, "Gleason 9 (5+4) 10+ years ago - widely metastatic cancer and running out of options!" After 10 years of ADT, brachytherapy, IMRT, HDK, Xtandi, Zytiga, Xofigo, etc., my husband, Bob, passed away on Monday evening, November 6. He was able to go to Duke in late August and was approved for Keytruda under Merck's open access program. However, that was his last trip; he wasn't able to do the treatment because it required travel to Duke every three weeks. He started home hospice the day after returning from Duke and passed away peacefully at home with me at his side. Ten and one-half years of continuous treatment with perhaps a four-month remission eventually took its toll. I felt a sense of calm the day after he left us. No matter how hard it may seem now, it's nothing compared to how difficult his last year was -- especially his last two months. He was always so strong in front of others that many people were surprised when he died! He never complained and for many years he simply told people he was living with cancer. The first five years were filled with travel for treatments, scans, and tests. He had fatigue from the treatments but was able to enjoy life during that time. However, he truly" battled" cancer for the past 5 years. I miss my husband, my friend. He was only 68. Now I'm learning that there's more to life than researching everything about prostate cancer. Changing the mind-set will be a process, but our children, family, and friends have been so helpful. I'm strong, I'll be fine, although I'm sure there will be some grief counseling for me in the near future. I'll continue to monitor your posts and I hope for all of you that the promising new treatments on the horizon will be available to you when you need them. I wish my best for all of you and your caretakers! Cindy
Ten year battle is over.: I posted... - Advanced Prostate...
Ten year battle is over.
I'm so very sorry Cindy, my heart bleeds for you, your family and all of the people who knew your husband Bob. Let the healing hands of time favor you.
Cindy,
So sad to hear the news about Bob. But his story was inspiring. And you are so very strong.
Best wishes to you and your family this holiday season! I hope that 2018 will be a year of great joy for you. And I hope you can take comfort in knowing that Bob has gone to a better place - where he is no longer in pain. You will see him there one day!
James
Cindy, I am so sorry for your loss. It makes me sad to hear this news. I know you fought this battle side by side with your Husband. May he Rest in Peace.
Dan
So sorry Cindy. There are no words I can give to you to take away the pain. You both fought as hard as you could. Bob was the embodiment of a cancer warrior. That goes double for you. I am amazed at the strength of caregivers. God Bless all caregivers, especially ones that are in your situation.
Please know that you are not alone. You will always be part of our family. You and Bob will both be forever in our prayers.
strength of caregivers.
God bless you and may Bob’s memory be eternal!
Dear Cindy,
I'm so sorry to hear of Bob's passing. My sincerest condolences for you and your family. Another brother succumbs - but he had 10 years with a GL 9 and that is an accomplishment. Rest in Peace and suffer no more Bob
God bless your for all you did to help Bob.
Cindy, there are no words that can help you. But many people who know your story have you in their hearts. Your husband was a true fighter. I am sure he always had a strong woman by his side. You have a lot of strength and power, Sure the last 10 years were the hardest, but you will always cherish the best moments of being together. God Bless you and Bob’s soul. Obie’s wife.
We are sorry to hear about your husband. We hope all goes good for you.
Cindy,
You have my respect and love. I’m sorry to learn of Bob’s death. My own father died at age 68 nerely nine years ago. It’s still hard on my mom, of course, but like you expect, she has found fulfilling things in her life. My thoughts and good wishes are with you.
Yost
Hi Cindy
I share in your lost of your life.
It is often difficult and tiresome attending to a sick person but the eventual is what we will face.
So be strong and heal knowing that you have done your best.
I am only 2 months since diagnosed and I am coping well. I am embarking on a different journey and what ever happens will happen.
Until then I will march on and live.
Best wishes again.
Roland
My condolences to u and ur famiky. May I ask how did he die? From what? I know he had prostrate cancer but did it attack an organ and it started to fail? I ask because a lot of people say that men most likely won’t die from Prostrate cancer but from another disease. I’m sorry if I’m getting too personal my dad has it and we have been on this journey for 3 years and its a journey!!! I need to know what to expect? Thank you an
Cindy, please accept this groups deepest condolences for Bobs passing.
May God bless and keep you both.
Olman
When one of a group passes, the whole of the group loses parts of itself, the painful parts, the funny parts, the serious parts, and the good parts, but we do not feel it as wholly as you did Cindy, I am sorry for that. It is now your time, please live it well.
Your strength is inspiring, as was his. My sympathy to you and your family, and may the future bring you some peace and renewed strength and energy.
Dear Cindy,
My heart feels for you. I'm sorry for the loss of your husband.
My husband of 21 years has been fighting for 7 years.
I will have you and your family in my prayers.
I send you a big hug.
My condolences and love.
God bless you
My sincere condolences to you and your family for Bob's passing. You can have no regrets because sounds like you gave him the best care a wife can ever give a husband.
So sorry to hear about your husband's passing. What a wonderfully written post. You should be proud of the effort that you made as part of his team. I loved your reference to "he was my friend".
A fitting tribute. You will certainly be able to conquer the lonely times that are now in front of you.
Once again a beautifully written tribute.
My deepest sympathies to you and your family on Bob's demise. May he rest in peace! You deserve our love and respect being such a devoted and caring wife. Thank you very much for your inspiring post.
Sisira
Dear Cindy,
Your post about Bob’s long and difficult journey brought tears to my eyes and also feelings of anger. Though I try to be optimistic regarding advancements in PCa treatments, I can’t help being saddened when I hear about warriors such as Bob succumbing to this nasty disease. In the 80 plus years that researchers have been diligently trying to find a cure, or at least come up with something that ‘controls’ the disease while maintaining a reasonable QOL (e.g., HIV meds that allow a person to live a full, normal life), in my opinion, we haven’t accomplished a whole lot. I know that some of the procedures like RPs that my grandfather, dad and uncles endured have vastly improved; however, I don’t see tremendous reductions in side effects of modern ADT drugs or significant increases in overall survival statistics. As I have previously mentioned, my gf, dad and uncles all had RPs, were on DES ADT, and lived into their 80s. Incontinence appeared to be the major problem; however, I seldom heard them complaining about other side effects. Because of my significant family history, I am quite concerned about my 37 year old son…I am already making him get PSAs. I belong to an Expat’s group here and I occasionally give PCa presentations with the hopes of saving at least one life by stressing early screening. Over the years I have modified my presentations to dispute some of the traditional ‘schools of thought’ such as, "PCa is very slow growing, it’s an old man’s disease, and don’t be concerned if your PSA is <4.0”. I am advocating that men must be proactive. Cindy, my condolences and hopes that time may assist with some of the healing process…we are all affected by Bob’s untimely passing. My best to you, Ron
Ron, your anger is justified. There is enough scientific research but the force is lacking and seldom it moves from the bench to the bedside mainly due to the indifference on the part of the majority of oncologists. They are still treating patients with a terminal decease, with no curative intent. Their attitude needs a big paradigm shift!
Today I read an interesting post in our site titled "Internet Doctor" telling their mindset is nothing but undue arrogance.
Sisira
You Sir, have said a mouth full .Treatments are in my opinion archaic and symptoms for most are barbaric. That said, we have few options of treatment.Hopefully some break through comes. But as you stated ADT is basic care. I didn’t feel like an old man before Dx at53 now at 57 I sometimes I feel like I’m 90 .Besides That , I’m happy to be alive and I know that many have it worse.
Cindy, I am so sorry for your loss. Hope you find peace and understanding!
Thank you Cindy for sharing your sad news. He was a brave man fortified by a strong woman and family. Your words hit me very hard as I enter my eighth year of PCa and am already 71! Sometimes I am sure we don't just forget our age we deliberately ignore it knowing what moves ever closer. My love to you and your family. I am celebrating this Christmas with a rising PSA, diabetic complications caused by Zoladex and a chest infection! Not my favourite combination but it's all I could find! Please stay in touch. You have many invaluable insights of benefit to all of us,. God bless. David, Twickenham, England.
May God bless you there in Twickenham.rid that infection and a quick recovery to you.
Sorry to hear of your loss. You wrote a beautiful tribute to your husband who I’m sure felt incredible support from you over the years. I hope you can enjoy your memories of a lovely life together and move forward surrounded by the love of your family, it’s your turn to get the support and love you need for a while.
So very sorry Cindy! Thank you for posting this as I lost my best friend/hubby Dec 6 and hope one day soon I will be able to write about it. Peace and comfort to you! Lonni
Peace and comfort to you....
Lonni, Bob passed away on November 6 and, I too, live in South Carolina. Perhaps we can meet some day soon.
Cindy - Where inSC are you? The closest “big” city near me is Greenville. That’s where my husband was in the hospital when he passed away. Lonni
I'm in Lexington and I teach part-time at Newberry College. Greenville is about an hour from Newberry. Depending on where you live, we could meet in Clinton or Greenville.
Cindy, so sorry, brings back memories of my Dad who had similar final years with travel and no complaining. May Bob's 10+ years and strength and determination give you positive memories to comfort you.
I'm now 1 1/2 years into treatment and "hoping" for 9 more years with the strength, perseverance and graciousness of your Bob and my Dad.
Bless you, Doug
It is caregivers like you that make the journey bearable. I'm sure your husband lived longer than he otherwise would have because of your love and willingness to go the extra mile for hm. You are an exemplar of the vow, "til death do us part."
Very sorry to hear of your loss Cindy. He leaves behind a legacy of strength, hope and perseverance in the face of adversity that will be remembered by all. Best wishes.
-Shayan
Sorry for your loss. Thanks for sharing his last days with us. May the force be with you both into the future.
I’m so deeply sorry Cindy. I know Bob is smiling down on all of us. Bless you, and your whole family.♥️
God bless you. You are a wonderful partner to a courageous man.
Dear Cindy,
I am sorry to learn that your husband has passed away. Everyone here has been touched by PC in some way or other, but we are so much more than this disease.
I would love it if you could share your favorite story about Bob with us, so we can learn a little bit about the kind of person he was and how he moved through the world.
We are each others stories, after all!
My heart is breaking for you. My deepest sympathy.
Im so sorry .my husband too died at 67 last Oct....till death do us part was not long enough .support group helps .a book called understand your grief was a major help for me .this journey you are on is not easy .my husband fought hard for 9 years and the last years were a struggle .he tried all options too but they depleted his blood levels and we turned to hospice ..talk about him often ..the love of our lives..its difficult without them ..
Peace to you!
Thank you for your post. Your husband was a model warrior and each day lived gives all of us encouragement. Peace to you and your family.
to Cindy:
The Greeks have a saying "Η ζωή στους ζωντανούς" which means Life to the Living. I know that Bob would want you to live life to the fullest but to always remember his courageous battle fighting this terrible disease. He was a true warrior married to a terrific Lady.
God Bless Him and God Bless you and your family.
j-o-h-n Monday (Christmas morning) 12/25/2017 11:58 AM EST
So sorry, no more pain no more anguish for Bob. Continue to be strong cindy knowing that you walked, carried and shared the load with him. I am sure he now has a smile on his face as he watches you enjoying a "different kind of research" on the amazing Web, enjoy your new found but "unwanted" freedom, enjoy your family and treasure all the great memories you shared with Bob.
Remember the Lord, I will pray for you as the Lord reminds me and Certainly on this Christmas day.
In Jesus love. John
May God bless you and yours!
Cindy, our condolences. We hope 2018 will bring you strength and Joy
M & K
Cindy, it was you and your husband who successfully fought the “beast” for the last 10 years. You are now alone, the battle is over but you still have lots of life to live. I’m wishing you well in your time of grief and hope that you find joy to at least partially fill the hole in your broken heart. Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas. Art
Please accept my sincere condolences. So very sorry for your loss.
Dear Cindy. Sending condolences on your loss, and wishes for comfort in your memories of your husband and your happier times together. Hope that you have people around you who can take care of some of life’s little things while you find your new way ahead. Best wishes.
He made an angel out of you. God bless your love ,unconditional love.
Cindy my heart goes out to you in this time of loss. I will pray for you and your family. Remember a good cry is ok .
Dennis
My Condolences to you Cindy and your Family. Amen.
My warmest wishes for you Cindy and your whole family - and your late husband Bob - truly sorry - a fellow cancer brother.
George
I’m sitting here on the couch with my wife crying while reading your post. Your Sounds like you had great love and respect for each other..I admire you, and him for those ten years..I’m 3yr in . Realistically we with #4 Gleason 9 are all on the same path. My prayer for you is (WITH time) ) to be able to forget the bad and just remember the great times!!! You are a wonderful women ..You are like my beautiful wife here by my side.Thats why I got hit hard by your words. Because I see my love in your position sometime in the future. I feel terrible to drag anyone thru this APC nightmare. Sticking by someone with APC is true love.. May God grant you and family peace!!!!!!
So deeply saddened that Bob left the earth. May you find peace in time 
Thank you for loving him.
Most sincere,
Jackie
Sorry for your loss and the journey you shared with Bob the Worse rather than the Better. I definitely think therapy is important when you lose your Other Half!
Cindy ..this post just came up again today .just thinking of you .grief counseling has helped me .life is surely not the same .my husbands course was so similar to your husbands .i usually don’t read any blogs any more .too painful .i wish you the best. There is no time limit to grief .
My condolences to you and you're family
Thank you. Life is so different - I think that after dealing with aggressive treatments, side effects, and then the loss of your loved one is not unlike PTSD. Each day is certainly better, but there are so many reminders. I'm now at the point where the reminders bring a smile to my face. I remember Bob's love, kindness, strength, and sense of humor.
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