Looking for answers

[Betbren47]

Since being diagnosed with ADHD, I notice that my husband triggers my senses to feel overwhelmed so it hit me that he may also have an issue as well. Because his thoughts run a mile a minute the words that come out of his mouth is not clear. Once he decides to do something he goes all in without stopping until he is done. Around people when he feels uncomfortable he starts to joke around in an annoying way. I'm embarrassed by it but I've just decided to accept him as he is. So is this related to autism or any other type of mental challenge? Looking for answers so I can direct him to help himself and help me along the way.

[STEM_Dad]

Have you looked at his behavior through the lens of the diagnosis criteria for ADHD and/or Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)? Don't just think about how he is now, but how he has been since you met him, and the stories of him from his youth.*Note: The key word at least for ADHD in each of the criteria is "often". (Be on guard against confirmation bias, which loved ones are prone to, which can tip the scale in the direction of what your opinion is.)

A formal assessment by a trained medical or mental health professional is always best, but some people have to be evaluated multiple times by different practitioners to receive a diagnosis. (Professionals can have their own biases.)

* ADHD is a lifelong condition, usually becoming noticeable but adolescence. If someone experiences behavioral changes later on, then the changes may be due to other social, psychological or even biological reasons. (One big example would be "midlife crisis", but another would be bodily changes like metabolic or hormonal changes.)

- If your husband has been through a unexplainable change for the worse in any way within the last 6 months or so, he ought to consider going to the doctor. Some changes are a natural result of aging or lifestyle changes, but others can be warning signs of health conditions.

[Mamamichl]

the racing thoughts is a typical symptom for ADHD. The right meds tend to quiet those racing thoughts, so we can pick which ones to follow and not hyperfocus on the wrong ones. For me, DBT has been helpful and a non stimulant (stratera) has been the most helpful because my thoughts are racing. This also tends to create the anxiety because my RSD is bad too.

For my partner, he tends to have more focus issues rather than racing thoughts, so a stimulant seems to work better for him. If you think it could be other conditions, request a neurological evaluation. It may take 6 months or longer to get it, but it may help. If you’re concerned of side effects (my daughter got tics and my partner got more aggressive), I would get a gene sight test.

Try asking him after a social event what goes on in his head or the feelings he gets in those situations. For many with adhf, they just blurt and don’t thing. It’s like an autopilot they can’t control. Meds and therapy together have helped me because the meds slow my brain and allow me to think about using my therapy strategies more. Know he’s not doing it on purpose.

If you want to learn how to be a good support group for him and how to understand his side a bit more, I recommend these 3 you tube channels and their corresponding books (read by the authors):

Holderness family (book ok is adhd is awesome)

Adhd_love (books are small talk and dirty laundry)

How to adhd (book by same name)

These have helped me tremendously as well since it helps me normalize my condition and hate it less.

[Pro-masker]

You may find reading about Maladaptive coping strategies...it sound like this is what he is doing due to masking...I am very much the same and struggle with this especially with emotional dysregulation and rejection sensitive dysphoria...ppl with adhd can, unfortunately, be very destructive and trying to mask something you don't know is happening can become a bit overwhelming and chaotic...once he has a diagnosis there in a lot of work to be done...support from family members is paramount to being able to live with this condition as it can really mess with home environments and relationships...be kind this could be a case of 'it's not his fault'...we have our qwerks and struggles...if he does get diagnosed also remember that he has been silently dealing with this condition since birth...genetics are the biggest factor from what I have researched.