Struggle with following through

[mobius171]

29dx , male, medicated

I've been in therapy 5yrs and medicated for years, I've been given the tools from therapists and my partner. With all this info and help there's no consistent follow through. I know it's because of my memory, and impulsiveness, as well as emotional regulation and getting angry when I don't understand something.

It heavily affects my partner when I'm upset all the time. She's felt devalued and neglected. Its really hard for her when she's trying to communicate with me, having poor communication and emotional intelligence. With that I get so angry I lash out with my words. I don't know if that's a cry for help or just pure overstimulation but it comes out as spirally and tantrums, then stonewalling from my end. Exec dysfunction doesn't help either. On top of that, she's expressed I'm avoidant when I'm constantly going to the bathroom, or getting up at random to do something. I don't mean it but it's heartbreaking for her to feel unheard, and alone.

I'm trying new balance of meds now, however with every combination I've tried there's little change seen. The executive dysfunction is so poor she had to guide me using a mop and bucket properly.

The situation is seeming hopeless, and while I want to do better and fix things I'm only doing worse.

Note: she's Extremely understanding, however there comes a point where she can only do so much before she experiences burnout and that much heartbreaking.

I'm trying to find more help that will increase productivity further. I'm in DBT and CBT. It's really hard to progress when these concepts (when doing them) becomes alien to me, or when people try to express things to me.

[Tormented555]

I feel your pain. Got no advice, I just know it ain't easy. Best of luck to you

[wtfadhd]

hello mobius171

u clearly expressed some of your personal struggles n deficits. you do not lack self awareness, you perfectly expressed where you are currently at with managing your adhd.

i think the bigger issue is for your partner to explore what makes them stay in this relationship that falls so short of what they desire in a romantic relationship. is your partner in love with your “ potential” ? does your partner think that with the correct amount if empathy, instruction, tolerance therapy meds n tools that you will morph into this person they want to be with? yikes!

your shame n disappointment with yourself seems to be causing you to accept that your partner is a selfless martyred person who painstakingly endures your bad behavior because they believe in your full potential.

thats toxic.

your partner may be a super sweet person but they currently lack boundaries in the relationship and maybe its unintentional but they are scapegoating you. unmanaged adhd leaves you a wide open easy target, the easily identified “ problem”

im not saying your unmanaged adhd isnt maddening to those around you. our adhd can be insufferable to others, lol.

but other people get to decide who they want in their life as romantic partners. if your unmanaged adhd doesnt fit what your partner needs right now, the healthy thing for your partner to do is to end the romantic relationship with you.

its healthy to ACCEPT a person as is.

its healthy to leave a person if we cant not accept them as is

its super unhealthy to NOT accept a person as is, AND continue to stay in relationship with that person n demand or beg for the person to “ fix” themselves. also, thats ineffective n never created a happy n content n strong relationship.