Parent with add?

[writeitalldown]

Hi, new here. My mom likely has add. She works in the mental health field herself and has herself said she likely has add. However, she refuses to seek a diagnosis, or help of any kind. She is on meds for anxiety and depression already and claims she is 'feeling better', but it's done nothing for her life/lifestyle and my dad and I are at a loss. She mostly lives on the couch, watching TV and scrolling social media on her phone or taking the dog to go get coffee and do 'errands'. She has zero sense of time and is often late for appointments, events, etc. And we're trying to get the house cleaned up, and while the majority of the mess is hers (she loves to shop, but then never does anything with what she buys. She has a 'craft room' piled chest high with things she HAD to have, but never uses. She has agreed to clean up, but spends 3 hrs a weekend moving stuff around and that's it. She gets 100% defensive if you remind her to get in the shower 'because we're leaving in 45 min' or remind her of the mess she's made covering the entire office desk that needs to be cleaned up so that xyz can happen -- and then deflects with 'what about that hair tie you left on the counter' We're at a loss. My own anxiety goes through the roof when I have to wait for her, often making me late and she throws a fit if I suggest driving separate (because it's a waste to pay for parking twice). I've talked to her about it, and she apologizes, though it doesn't seem genuine, says it's not her intention and then it happens again. Rinse. Repeat.

She is ruining relationships left and right and it doesn't seem to bother her one bit. She was 30 minutes late to a friends so they could carpool for a weekend away and then afterward complained that her friend was in a bad mood and snippy the whole drive.

Are there things I can suggest that don't include meds?

Help

[Artaddict]

Sorry to hear about this.. it is hard to accept that you have a "disorder".. I have also been recently diagnosed as having ADHD and I fought it tooth and nail till I realized wait... all of that does sound like me lol! So far I am med free though and working on less stress and better nutrition. For your mom I would say try to be patient. Maybe help her where you see her struggling. Be supportive and understand that some people do not want a label etc.. not sure any of this will work to help your household.. my dad is as stubborn as it gets as well!! I live with guilt myself.. for all the missed time with my family as I obsess and hyperfocus on each new passion I acquire.

Sode note, I managed to finish something!!! A small book.

I would love if even 1 person would read my book I just posted on amazon...No hits yet Called it,

ADHD and Maybe Me by Amber Scott.

It's about being a parent with ADHD. Its 2 bucks.. any comment would be appreciated!Thank you! Xo

[Testarossa1975]

Have you heard of Russ Barkley's Book "When an Adult You Love Has ADHD"? Here's a short description I found:

"[Barkley] shows how to guide your loved one toward the right treatment and, using real-life examples, answers questions such as:

What health risks does ADHD impose on those who have it?

Why am I feeling resentful toward my loved one with ADHD?

What can I do to help my loved one at home, at work, and in other areas of life?

How can I avoid wasting time and money on sham treatments?

What if my loved one doesn't want help?

Adults with ADHD can achieve their goals and live out big dreams — and you can help.

In this book you will learn practical steps for helping your loved one accept and manage his or her disorder, and pursue unique, often nontraditional pathways to success."

[writeitalldown in reply to Testarossa1975]

I have not heard of it - i will check it out. Thank you.

[Hidden]

Since a psychiatrist said to me he thinks I have adhd, I started looking at my family, and it's so abundantly clear that it's running in our blood, my mum whose 65 has more energy than a 5 yr old, has the attention span of an ant, gets so angry and frustrated it's unsociable. My daughter whose 25 is the mini version of me, loses things 10 times a day, always late, talks the behind off a donkey and my grandson flies from sofa to sofa, strangles you without realising it and can't keep still for a second, anything he has he forgot where he put it, you tell him to do something he will get distracted along the way, then say he forgot, it's like an absolute merry go round of forgetfulness, hyper focusing, agitated,hyper active mess.

I was pretty angry when the psychiatrist said he thinks I have ADHD because I couldn't work out how the depression came in, it took months for me to come to terms with what he said and when I took the report to the GP they sent me to a CMHT for ADHD or personality disorder ? They were basing my sleep deprived behaviour as a part of my condition, when in reality the go just needed to give me sleeping pills to regulate my sleep

I need to go back to a private psychiatrist at some point, I don't want my daughter ending up making terrible rash decisions like I did, she is high functioning and has way too much to lose. I think only a life coach will be able to help me because I won't be comfortable to take the meds due to seizures in the past, hopefully a life coach can teach me better organisational skills and agreement with a GP to prescribe me sleeping tablets for when my hyper focus starts, because it's that that ruins my life.

Hopefully getting a confirmed diagnosis and learning how to live with it, I can get my daughter and grandson on the same path.

Never did I ever think when I used to look at my daughter and grandson and wonder why they are so much like me did I ever consider ADHD.

Someone mentioned my grandsons hyper activity about 2 years ago and suggested he may be ADHD and am was having none of it.

I think for my daughter she functioned so well because I gave her a lot more support, whereas my mum didn't tend to support me in studies or goals, so I kind of drifted along, I just hope my daughter will do the same for my grandson, because it definitely takes a lot of effort to give that extra support, when things aren't going well.

I'm making it my goal next month to get the diagnosis confirmed once and for all.

The time keeping I used to be very bad for, now it's my daughter, her time keeping is awful

It's almost like ticking of the list and being like yes, yes yes yes !

I hope you get your mum the help she needs, I don't think anyone could imagine just how destructive ADHD can actually be

[Hidden]

I can't stop laughing at what you wrote about her being late to her friend's, the selfishness is so real and the ignorance is bliss... I don't have them traits (I started people pleasing after domestic violence ) but my daughter does, she won't acknowledge that she has really annoyed someone, she will think their being funny for no reason.

My ex used to call her the pretty little pig (not to her face) but as a joke because she is beautiful but the most self centred person walking the earth lol

If I had a pound for everytime someone said she is selfish or self centred, am would be rich. She doesn't even realise how selfish she is, it's her way or the high way, she wouldn't care if she had you standing in the freezing cold for an hour, she would still be at home taking her own time.... I sympathize, I really do