I was recently (in past 3 months) been diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 40. I did feel content in finding out something wasn't right. However, I haven't been able to shake the sadness and regret of not finding out sooner. I can't stop reliving my past thinking of those feelings of low self-esteem that have shaped my life as it is now. Wondering if anyone has any advice? I'm on stimulant medication and it's helped with some of my symptoms. However this feeling of sadness and regret keeps me up at night. I've been consuming everything ADHD on YouTube, Spotify, and internet. I think I'm trying to disprove I have it.
Tried therapy didn't gel with first person. Trying someone else soon.
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Burgersnfries130
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Hello, yes I agree its difficult! I was diagnosed this year at 56 and a year later I am still getting my head round things. One thing I am more relaxed about is looking back on why I didn't do so well. I always felt work in particular was a struggle but other people could do things so I kept pushing myself more. Now I can look back and say knowing what I know now I did well.
I also used to set lots of goals and push myself to meet them. Nowadays I plan less things and focus on the day in hand which is all you can change or influence.
Have a look at the stuff Mel Robbins posts .. she is also late diagnosed.
melrobbins.com/ personally I prefer her on tiktok as they have to be short
Hi, I was diagnosed ASD in my mid forties and went through similar feelings. Over time I have reflected on those things that I have achieved boths In my personal life and professionally, I am consider the good fortune I have I had. Ultimately I think finding gratitude for past experiences is important as this helped me move forward and accepted my past, both good and bad. Go easy on yourself and take things one day at a time, you will find a way through with ups and downs along the way but this is the same for everyone whether neuro diverse or not. Take care
i think i was 39 when diagnosed and i went thru the same exact thing. roller coaster of relief bc everything started to make sense but then i was PISSED off about late diagnosis. i went to weekly therapy for a year. not to learn ADHD life hacks, bc i had been unknowingly doing life hacks 39 yrs- i used therapy to help me to not hate everyone in the world. strong mixed emotions after late diagnosis is very common!
definitely try a new counselor/therapist. I had the worst luck with them for 15 years, then someone (here I think actually), told me that all therapists have to have a synopsis of their philosophy and what they specialize in. I found one that took my insurance that also specialized in all of my conditions (PTSD, ADHD and anxiety). Luckily my therapist also had adhd.
oh… also, I was diagnosed 2 years ago at 38. I wasn’t diagnosed ptsd until then as well. I think finding ways to take charge of my current life helps.
I finally told cops about my mother abusing me and even if nothing comes of it, it’s at least documented if something happens or she stalks my kids who are now the age my mom started grooming me. It also helped to cut all contact with my parents and start working towards my pst goal of becoming a teacher again, since I was denied twice due to my disabilities. I am in a different state and I can now make sure other kids feel sanctuary at school as I did.
Some people use journals, but I process better verbally, hence counseling. Another thing that’s making me ok with not knowing it sooner is that I was put in unsafe situations and just trying to survive. It was the professionals jobs to raise awareness of my conditions, not mine.
All I could have done is to tell more people about my issues and not keep things secret as I did. What I do about that now is I open up to my kids and tell them that I won’t be mad at them as long as they talk with me. I respect their boundaries like I was never given. I accept my past self for not knowing, but now that I do know, I can be honest and open about myself and take steps forward. When we know better, we do better.
Hello Burgersnfries! Welcome to the " How the hell did no one else tell me this earlier!!?" Club. You have come to the right place. When I first signed in here, I had the perception that late diagnosis wasnt that common and getting a diagnosis at 44, was "old"! How wrong was I🙄 Most of the people I was reading post from were diagnosed from 50's onwards, a little perspective is a great thing. Firstly, well done you for seeking out and pursueing your diagnosis🫵🤟 Thats an awsome thing to achieve, be proud of yourself 🤩 The more you learn about how our "difference" effects and has effected our lives, the more it all seems to make sense! Theres "relief". No, your are not an inadequate human, a failure, stupid, or ANY of the other things your "inner critic" (or in my case "perpetual internal monologue for over 40 years"!) has been telling you you are (The LYING little F@#£%r!) OR that the wider world has been making you feel by "rigging the odds" against you. Great! Now what???Now comes grief, in all its stages. You have been made to feel a MASSIVE loss (perhaps even a trauma!) denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance, in no particular order and varying intensities. I am nearly 2 years into this bit, and it still has the ability to knock me on my ass some days, though fortunately far less often now ( a Meds shortage of none for 4 months didnt help!!😵💫).
Learning to "kill the critic" and practicing self compassion, is truely changing my life, and my children's. But it is hard and exhausting. There is so much work to do (or Undo as the case may be)and there are days still, where it just overwhelms me. But its worth it, and I wont quit (already fallen down that pit and crawled back out). So one thing I am learning, that realy helps, is to revisit things I never tried or was "no good at" from a different perspective. All those channels/choices that were shut down, that I chose against or were "chosen for me" as pointless. I took up painting, I am no artist, but it is very relaxing and therapeutic (at school, "enjoyment" was never promoted for those who didnt "have any talent" in anything! My art teachers have alot to answer for, as do my sports teachers and ALL those who damned my emotional sensetivity, handwriting and organisation!!). My perspective is more what I have spent a LIFETIME trying to learn and achieve. "The beginners mindset". Im starting anew in life, with the knowledge that I have always been "different", and as much knowledge of what that actualy means for me as I can get my hands on. But like a recovering addict, its very challenging, takes immense drive, discipline and willpower I dont always have and needs to be done "one day at a time, one foot in front of the other". I am very forunate to have 2 beautiful children, who inspire me to "be better" and carry on (one is ADHD and the other will probably get her diagnosis too🙄). I need to understand as much as possible and get it right, so they dont have to learn "the hard way". I felt like I was sat in a high performance sports car, rammed full of "learn to drive" manuals, I had spent a lifetime collecting and could still not even turn on the ignition! (And I still cant drive 🤣😆). Now,I am not only able to read and understand them, I am starting to be able to actualy DO the things each one suggests. No single one "works", but the more I re-read them all, the more "OOOH! NOW I get that bit😃" moments occurr. I am ADHD, I want all the answers NOW and in short, digestable snippets with immediate practical applicability. And that just aint how it rolls. So sometimes, its hard. REALLY hard. But the "goal" is moment by moment, and doesnt stop changing. So I need to acknowledge and accept every win (a whole new thing in my life!!) Allow for failure (again, new) and forgive myself each time, so I can NOT carry every single thing I have "done wrong, failed at, missed out on or just generaly messed up" as a searing molten anvil on my soul.
Try to be kind to yourself, be forgiving of yourself, be compassionate
You have lived a life in "survival mode" without knowing why, now you know there is no "lion" or "axe murderer", you were lied to.
I wish you the very best in your new journey, you have found a good place to talk here.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for posting this. It so timely for me as I go through this realisation at 50 years old. The part about wanting all the answers now makes so much sense. I am still working out how my damned brain works but posts like yours give me hope and the permission I need to take things one day at a time.
I am crawling out of the pit as we speak. Determined not to succumb to the darkness but it is a lonely old place at times.
I’m saving your post to come back to when I’m in struggle street. Thank you 🙏
And thankyou for sharing this with me ScruffyBuzzer, hearing that anything I put here is of use is a real boost to me and helps no end with my own struggles. Your validation has made my day 😍, may you have a wonderful festive season, 🥳Best wishes )
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