Sadly, my story is far from unique. A late life diagnosis of ADHD (predominantly inattentive type) at age 56. I'm just 6 months on from diagnosis and life for the very first time is starting to make sense to me. I remember feeling 'different' at pre-school and throughout my life but explained it away through various life events and traumas (bullied age 6/parent divorce age 11/growing up gay in 70s/80s/bad relationships yada, yada yada). Perhaps all of these things played a part? they certainly shape a personality but ultimately also bring strength/resilience and empathy. But my recent confirmation/diagnosis of ADHD had been quietly revolutionary and life changing in putting a life in context.
I've been treated for depression for 30 years and can remember feeling an underlying sadness or melancholic feelings, even as a small child. A constant low mood has followed me for most of my life, interspersed with more life affecting episodes of clinical depression. The list of anti-depressants long...Imipramine, Fluoxetine, Paroxetine, Venlafaxine, Mirtazapine, Amitriptyline, Bupropion, Reboxetine. Some more effective than others and some I could tolerate for only a day or two. Many came with unwanted side effects. The most effective was Reboxetine, a selective noradrenaline reuptake inhibitor (NARI) but it came with probably the worst side effects - but it worked! Reboxetine apparently is an ineffective anti-depressant in many but it has an almost instant effect on lifting my mood. After some research, I discovered that it is sometimes prescribed off label for ADHD. More research ensued into ADHD and the more I read, the more I realised that I fit the profile, which led to my consultations and ultimately diagnosis. I now honestly believe that I was misdiagnosed with depression and treated with some pretty powerful meds unnecessarily. The label 'depressive' never sat well with me - I couldn't understand how despite doing all of the work and dealing with my past that I still lived with a cloud of sadness. I now take Methylphenidate for my ADHD and have not been depressed since. it's not a panacea. but life is a whole lot more productive and much calmer!
It is now with relief and not regret that I can now recognise my ADHD and see a life in hindsight - the patterns, the missed opportunities for intervention, the chaos, the poor decisions but also the resilience, the work arounds, the lessons learned, and the growth that comes from messing up and having to find new ways and rebuild! I certainly don't see my ADHD as a disability or even recognise it as a 'developmental disorder'. It's a quirk that means my brain works differently to many others but often sees the bigger picture that others miss (if only it could stay focussed, motivated and on track I could have changed the world! - ha ha!).
Yes, life could have been different if only etc etc... but all we have is now and the new understanding that I have and now with the right medication can shape my particular future in a more positive way.
I realise that everyone deals with diagnosis in their own unique way. Our own experience of ADHD and where we sit on a spectrum varies greatly but I'm personally grateful for now having the missing piece of the jigsaw and re-focusing the lens on my life. Where previously I may have felt feelings of shame or failure, I now see someone quite different. A survivor, who despite the odds had come out the other end unscathed and in a pretty good place (with some interesting stories to tell - perhaps there's a book in there somewhere!).
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Brighton1974
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it’s great to read such a positive story of a late ADHD diagnosis. I was diagnosed nearly two years ago at the age of 52. It’s great to have a diagnosis, and learning more about ADHD, but it certainly still has its challenges.
Thank you. Any positivity has probably come from not living with a constant low mood and finally having some answers and the right medication. I'm sure there will be challenges ahead but knowing what lies behind them and not simply feeling 'broken', I hope will make them easier. For many years, I've heard in counselling or self-help about the concept of re-focusing life events and it always felt like just that - a concept or a theory, that I could never quite understand - but I feel I do now and can look back on life events with a bit more kindness and compassion. Good luck to you in your ongoing journey.
I was diagnosed at 71 and the diagnosis was liberating for me. It explained so much of my life. With treatment improving my life now, I see how I might have functioned like normal minds do for all those years.
There is a period of mourning for what might have been, had the condition been recognized and treated early on. The school system actually tried to figure out the reason for the gap between potential and outcomes, but in the late 1950s and early 1960s, inattentive ADHD in boys was unrecognized.
Hello, Yes I so agree about the diagnosis being liberating. It feels life changing but it such a subtle but profound way that it's hard to put into words. I feel like I have been 'acting' for most of my life (masking behaviours I guess) and finally it's OK to be me. We have a different way of thinking to so called 'normal' brains and that's OK. I don't know about you but I've always been incredibly perceptive of other people's behaviours, probably because we've been studying how others behave to understand and fit in? It's served me well in my job as I work in HR and reading people has become part of my skill set.
I haven't experienced any mourning element as yet but I know I'm early in my journey. If there was to be any, I think it would be around education because as you say, the system just wasn't geared up for us and although bright I certainly under-achieved and fell at the crucial moment of exam time. Even now, there appears to be a recognition of inattentive ADHD in girls but less so in boys.
I hope that you do not feel you have wasted 71 years as your user name suggests? Our experience can help make a difference in others and for all that 'could have been' in our lives, our journey's have got us thus far and probably made us richer in empathy for others and you can't put a price on that. I do wish you well for whatever lies ahead.
Learning about typical ADHD behaviors like masking, RSD, risk taking, and emotional outbursts explained so much.
Being fired from jobs while being told I was one of the best performers and very talented, but just not reliable - ADHD at its finest.
Dropped out of university to pursue fascinating activities and near term tasks.
Consumed multiple liters of caffeinated diet soda or many cups of coffee every day, in a clear case of subconscious self medication. I was famous for how much I drank every day.
I did accomplish quite a bit, in spite of ADHD, but know how much more I would have achieved if I had adequate executive functioning.
I took on the screen name back in the early days post diagnosis. Mourning gave way to wistfulness about choices I would have made differently and paths I would have walked, but my main focus in on success and good choices now and in the future.
Our journey's sound very similar! And I agree, having the context in hindsight and now with awareness of masking, RSD, emotional regulation etc - somehow it all seems so obvious. If only we didn't have to be our own detectives in piecing it all together!
I too have just been diagnosesd in my early 60's. My daughter's story is the same as yours. Misdiagnosed for years - depression, borderline personality disorder, bi poler - on meds for years that never worked. Finally 3 years ago diagnosed with ADHD and medicated for that. She is a different person - gone back to uni. She is the one who urged me to get tested as she recognised a lot of her traits in me. Also ADHD is genetic. Good luck in your ADHD journey.
Hello, Yes, I feel there are many, many like us out there and my wish is that others get the right support where they need it. Sadly the waiting list is long in the UK. So pleased to hear that your daughter is now thriving and I hope that you do too. Good luck and all the best to you both.
I have a similar story but was diagnosed bipolar. For over 15 years and just about every pill available, I have taken. I was prescribed stuff that never helped. I would tell the doctor and he offered up another and another. I had a panic attack and ended up in the hospital. I'm 58 and I had a breakthrough with that hospital visit. I ended up being diagnosed with ADHD. The doctors failed me and the system in place is a failure. Doctors like prescribing drugs and have no idea what they are prescribing. My life was in shambles and it was the misdiagnosed ADHD. I asked for help and got fucked. Pencil pushers made sure of it.I'm not better because of it. It will take the rest of my life to correct that misdiagnosed disorder. I lost my family because I couldn't be happy and normal for my wife.
I want to feel better and improve on it but I don't even know what normal is.
Sorry to hear that you've had to go through it to finally get the right diagnosis. Unfortunately, GPs seem to almost routinely hand out anti-depressants for anything akin to mental health. Although they can be great when used in the right circumstances (and if they find the right one for the individual), unfortunately in many cases all they do is mask and not treat the underlying symptoms. SSRI's seem to be the default nowadays but work on the wrong neuro-transmitter for someone with ADHD (Serotonin when we likely needed something that works on norepinephrine and dopamine). For me Methylphenidate works and I no longer feel depressed and able to now be more productive - but accessing it in the first place is problematic through the NHS as it can only be prescribed by a psychiatrist and only then through primary care. I agree with you that it is literally a bureaucratic nightmare in trying to access the right care in the first place and the current long waiting lists are appalling. I do hope you start to feel better soon. I'm sure that it will get better for you now that you know what you are dealing with. There are some great resources and support out there. The Additude website is a good place to start: additudemag.com/category/ad... I do wish you well.
Hi I have been diagnosed now but I am 67... still I do not know what this can means...I am happy for all the adaptations I made in my life, and I am happy that I can feel not inadequate or guilty but only different...I do not think there will be a change, I do not feel I need it, but probably the diagnosis can change my relationships because I now know that they cannot understand me 100%.
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