58 Male - Just diagnosed and confused and stressing

[Old_Owl]

So earlier this week I was diagnosed with ADHD (when I was 5 I was diagnosed as hyperactive and placed on Ritalin but I started falling asleep in class so she took me off)

I came to this diagnosis with the help of a therapist helping me with severe depression. On this journey I began trying mindfulness and happened on something on ADHD and depression, it sounded so familiar. My therapist set me up with an evaluation. I came out with with a diagnosis of severe ADHD. There was a flood of sadness and euphoria, maybe I'm not the lazy, interrupting, slob.

But the doubts- do I really have it? Did I game the test so I can use it as a crutch? To get meds? Attention? I don't think that's true, but the doubts are killing me. Is it worth it to get a second opinion?

[Tayash9194]

Hi there. I was diagnosed two years ago at 55. I'd been diagnosed with what they called 'endogenous depression' when I was 18. I spent the next 35 years in and out of therapy trying to figure myself out. Finally , I realised that although I no longer felt depressed I was still unable to function in the world like other people. My daughter got diagnosed and then the penny dropped. I'm relieved to finally have an answer. I think you just know that it's real when you finally get diagnosed. I didn't need a second opinion. I do however think that society has no idea just how hard it is for those of us with this affliction. Unless you have good, patient understanding people around you prepared to help you organise your life you can definitely fall through the cracks. I just knew there was always something wrong with me but would have never suspected Adhd. I kept my life small because I knew I couldn't manage children and a career. I have two great kids but one has been through her own hell because of undiagnosed Adhd. Now ,I have no idea how I will ever afford to retire as I am on my own after walking away from an asset poor marraige. I'm hoping the meds might help me get clear and figure things out so I can make a better future for myself. .

[Old_Owl in reply to Tayash9194]

Thanks for the reply. Decided to ride this out and see where it goes.

[Jozlynn]

Hi Old_Owl! Does it feel right in your gut? When I read the descriptors for ADHD, my jaw hit the wood floor. I had a completely pre-conceived idea of what ADHD looks like previously, but after looking into it more thoroughly I realized it was absolutely describing me.

One thing I will point out is that it's actually not easy to get a diagnosis. I think because the abuse of the drugs, you can't just easily be diagnosed ADHD. Doctor's are being pretty conservative when it comes to handing out an official diagnosis. I say all this because I think you can rest easy that it wasn't some accidental misdiagnosis.

I think you'll know if the diagnosis is wrong if you spend some time learning about ADHD. Plus, if you get put on meds - you'll COMPLETELY know the difference. Particularly if it's a stimulant. For example - give me a prescription pain pill and I will talk your ear off and clean my house. My husband will fall asleep. Give me my stimulant meds and I can stay seated for hours on end, whereas it would give my husband energy and he'd be busy cleaning the house. Stimulants don't stimulate us the same way they do neurotypicals. They allow us to focus and concentrate as opposed to getting us all hyped up. If you take the meds and get hyped up, I would reach out to your doctor.

Otherwise, I would simply try to learn more about ADHD so you can either really know it's not an accurate diagnosis, or that it's actually a perfect diagnosis for you.

Wishing you all the best!

[Old_Owl in reply to Jozlynn]

Thank you, I really appreciate your reply- still working to figure this out. When I got the diagnosis, I felt this might explain a lot of what I have been going through my whole life- especially my inner struggles and sense of self worth.

When I shared the diagnosis with my partner, who loves me and has my best interest in mind, she was skeptical expressing that there was nothing wrong with me that everyone has my symptoms and I just needed to work on my self esteem. This started my self doubts and second guessing. And while I know there are no silver bullets, I worry this might just be another disappointment and it won't work. (kind of a normal for me if I reflect on it.)

I've decided I need to ride this out, learn more about it and take the meds (when they come in). Figure I don't have anything to lose, if they don't work, I can try something else.

Just trying to breath through the anxiety and see where it goes at this point.

Again, I appreciate your words and thoughts.

[Flip-Turn]

It sounds like talk with your partner got you on the wrong track. You need to learn more about ADHD, its impacts and how it shows up in your life. This will take time and I believe, help your self esteem.

[Old_Owl in reply to Flip-Turn]

Thanks. Going forward. Picked up my meds today and plan to start Monday. I've got a lot to learn yet. Kind of odd that I was diagnosed, given a prescription and a follow-up date before I really started to process what was going on. So yeah, feels like I am way behind on a lot of things I should know by now. Still trying to figure out where to start.

And again, I appreciate you response, thanks

[NYCmom2]

Have you heard of ADHD coaches? You might like the experience of working with one. Having someone to check in with regularly, set goals and ask questions while you get your footing.

2 Podcasts and relevant episodes for you to check out:

Overcoming Distractions The Podcast with Dave Greenwood. Episode November 7, “Have You Been Diagnosed with ADHD Recently?”

Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast episode 12 “ADHD and Overwhelm with Coach Ian Wehlert”

[Old_Owl in reply to NYCmom2]

Thank you for your kind reply. I've recently learned about ADHD coaches reading through articles on the CHADD site and have reached out to five to do an initial assessment/interview to find the right fit. (now I am trying to figure out what my right fit "is" before next week when I start meeting with them) Right now my approach consists of: learning about my condition and what tools will allow me to manage it; taking the meds I have been given (took it for the first time yesterday); continue with my therapy; and find and work with a coach. (today's approach at least)

To be honest, the coach kind of scares me- goals have never been my friend- they aren't at all nice to me and not even sure if I have ever met a goal. (but starting to see that maybe that's tied to the ADHD and my ignorance of how to deal with it )

Also thank you for the podcast suggestions- I will check them out.

thank you again.

[NYCmom2 in reply to Old_Owl]

You just listed at least three goals you’ve already achieved! Congratulations on taking all these first big steps! Wishing you luck on your journey.

[Old_Owl in reply to NYCmom2]

I laughed when I read this seeing the disparity between what I'm doing versus my own self perceptions of my ineptitude.

Needed light shined on that, but I'd like to keep my dislike for goals a bit longer, at least until I've selected a coach and they place me under the yoke of my own goals. 😆

In all seriousness, I do appreciate you pointing this out and I've downloaded your suggested pod casts. Again thank you.

[NYCmom2 in reply to Old_Owl]

Pick a coach you feel is warm and encouraging. It seems you’re hard enough on yourself and would learn best with a kind and accepting coach.

Yokes and punishments are obsolete. : )