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[OldADHDer]

Hi all, I'm a 61 year old who was diagnosed less than a year ago. I grew up in a family of many depressed people, so the trauma existed a very long time. I masked very well until COVID hit and I started to unravel, emotionally, and neurologically. It got to the point that I was burning out and I knew something was wrong. A colleague of mine told me about her ADHD and what she described was me! I struggled for a long time trying to figure out how to deal with what was going on. When I finally got diagnosed, things became clearer, but I was still struggling. I'm getting some therapy and am on antidepressants, but unlearning the crap that has been with me my whole life is so hard. I can't help but regret my life and I fear my future.

[wtfadhd]

hello,

what u r experiencing is super common when ya get ADHD diagnosis( formally or not) later in life. the flood of “ why didn't anyone detect this, this all makes sense, and then mourning the life u might have had if you just would have known it was ADHD….

i totally hear ya!

[ValkyrieAngelic in reply to wtfadhd]

Yes this! The regret is so intense. It's heart breaking.

[wtfadhd in reply to ValkyrieAngelic]

yep

i ended up going to therapy for a year. definitely not to learn “ life hacks n ways to be neurotypical with timers, aps, n sticky notes!” but to cry n rage n mourn all the what ifs. like many women, i had been diagnosed with bipolar n on tons of mood disorder n anti psychotic meds n got face tics from all the meds, n etc etc…. but i dont have that at all! instead im just very smart, have a big personality n ADHD- thats all. in my mind, stupid incompetent doctors who spent 5 min with me n misdiagnosed me, n when those meds didnt work they kept switching to heavier one or increase the dose😭 i lost 10 years of my life over it- therapy helped me process all those intense negative thoughts n feelings …n figure out who i am n how to maximize “ adhd me”. my therapist knew nothing if adhd and it was awesome! bc we kust focussed on the grief n loss of it all.

loooong journey! but im super happy n total bad ass now. im in control of my life ! 😂❤️

[ValkyrieAngelic in reply to wtfadhd]

Yesss! I feel all this so much. The "What could have been" is just so intense. The life I could have led etc. But since we are women we were treated (typically) and things were blamed on our mental soundness. "Oh you're just depressed" was common. Or "oh you're just lazy" etc etc etc. The list goes on. Never once did someone say I had adhd when I was young. It wasn't a thing back then. Such a shame. It makes me angry too. Because I was also smart! And could have become anything. I wanted to be a surgeon when I was a child. It's unfortunate that most of us developed co-morbid conditions which made it even harder to recognize. But they could all have been avoided! That's the worst part. I'm 43 now and just seeing what's happening and what happened. What a shock. Trying to move forward. But it's so hard. I feel your feelings. You aren't alone at least! ❤️

[Tigger4me]

Welcome OldADHDer, I hope that you find this chat group as helpful as so many of us do. I'm 73 and started taking stim meds (Ritalin) when our son got his diagnosis in 2000. Now I take adderall to slow down my ADHD tendencies as well as wellbutrin for anxiety. One reason that I mention my medication is open the dialogue into whether you are taking any meds for your ADHD. If not you should be aware that stimulant medication has been proven to be most effective in allowing us to begin managing our ADHD tendencies. Yes it works as well on us older folks as in children. I was fortunate to be able to attend (virtually) a two day ADHD conference for therapist to learn (more) about ADHD and to earn CEUs. One saying that was repeated several times during these two days was "pills don't equal skills" meaning that it is best for those with ADHD (and their families) to develop a wide range of behavioral skills to increase the effectiveness of our medication. There is a great deal on this website and others to help us.

Again, welcome

[OldADHDer in reply to Tigger4me]

Thank you for the welcome! I am actually doing well on bupropion ( generic Wellbutrin) and fluoxitin (generic Prozac). It took a while for me to get to where I feel better. I kind of fought taking the drugs, but they have regulated me pretty well. I still have some therapy to do, both for depression and the ADHD. I'm working on it. But, it is so hard to get over the disappointment of my past.

[Zoe1964]

The regrets is the thing, the regrets are held in the psychological damage caused by always feeling wrong or excluded or lazy or useless. That held me back from carrying out any of the what would have been fruitful plans. Feeling that look.

I'm also starting to look back and recognise my uniqueness. The boundaries I pushed have had a positive impact much later down the line. The thing I said that I shouldn't have, has had an effect and brought clarity for others even if it annoyed some.

But I'm still in the fog as I haven't been diagnosed.