Having recently been diagnosed with ADD at age 49, I am looking back over the years to see if certain challenges/behaviors of mine could have been attributable to the ADD. Some clearly are, while I'm not sure about others. Do you think any of the following could be ADD-related:
- Difficulty with meal planning for my family, and then following through with purchasing the groceries and preparing the meals. I cannot tell you how many groceries I have thrown out because I couldn't get myself to cook them.
- Being emotionally hypersensitive as a child. I remember an aunt mentioning my name in casual conversation and me running out of the room in tears to hide between my dresser and the wall.
- Letting friendships fade away because I cannot get myself to pick up the phone or send an email. Also, not answering the phone or returning messages. I no longer receive Christmas cards because I haven't sent any in years though I intended to.
- Letting my house get so gross that we couldn't ever invite anyone over.
- Not paying bills until receiving "final notices."
I would appreciate any thoughts that you can share. Thank you!
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Lioness817
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The second one, emotional sensitivity, sounds like the emotional disregulation which often accompanies ADHD.
* It's not a trait that's used to help diagnose ADHD, but well-known ADHD researcher Dr. Russell Barkley believes that it ought to be, because it's so very common for us.
Indeed every single one of those are behaviors that are characteristics of our shared condition. Every one.
Post diagnosis I had to review my entire past to reframe it in a completely new light. I had internalized most of those as choices I made and thus character flaws and moral failings. It takes time to root out a lifetime of internalized shame, hidden from others, because your brain had to create an explanation for all those situations and more. It came to the wrong conclusion, but now you can reevaluate. It can be very liberating.
I and many of us also went through a form of grief and resentment that this wasn't discovered or made known to us earlier, saving us from so much.
Yes to all of those things. The emotional dysregulation (extra sensitive, taking longer to calm down from things) isn’t in the list of official symptoms of ADHD, but many experts talk about emotional distress and dysregulation being common for many people they see with ADHD.
Yes to all of those and look, you're editing and being polite. There are lot more.
Can you keep up with your appointments, without forgetting them? Like doctor's visits?
Can you get to appointments on time?
Are you a night owl?
Do you recoil against a lot of structure? ...
And ... do you flounder when there is too little structure?
Are you late on completing tasks at work?
How are you at estimating how long tasks take?
Any anxiety?
Any depression?
Do you lose and misplace things?
Do you have friends and colleagues no smarter than you (sometimes a lot less smart than you) who are getting ahead of you in the workplace--because they can complete tasks on time and so on?
Do you struggle to exercise regularly?
Are you in any group activities that you regularly and consistently participate in?
Gettingittogether. I was diagnosed with ADHD in the 1980s. None of the information on executive functioning was available to me at that time.
It’s been these past two years that I’ve been able to identify “why” I struggle with things that neurotypical friends breeze through! Meal prep, wasting food because I change my mind on what we will eat, etc.
I was able to read Sari S’s book in the 1990s. It was helpful. I could explain to my son’s teachers about Executive Functions and why he struggled.
As a wife, Mom, Daughter and Professional, I assumed that I had character flaws— stop my ADHD. Learning about NeuroDivergency helped me recognize I do not have character flaws. It’s what makes folx with ADHD unique
And, the ADHD taxes are a bit steep and costly at times.
The ADHD taxes are brutal. And I really have to keep telling myself that I'm not bad as a person. I have to also remind myself frankly that I work a lot harder than some other people to complete the same tasks--and I can credit myself for the efforts I make and determination I show instead of blaming myself for incompetence.
You're checking a lot of the boxes for ADHD we all share. Sounds like you possibly have anxiety as a comorbid disorder which is pretty common but obviously a trained professional would be better suited to diagnose. I was officially diagnosed at age 47 but all the signs were there throughout my entire life, and when I read "Driven by Distraction" it could have been my autobiography. Knowing the reasons for a lot of the past madness certainly can bring some relief, but the struggle will remain and you just need to educate yourself, find the support you can, and move forward with a smile on your face as you surely have some wonderful qualities to share with others.
Your Christmas card reference made me laugh as I’m staring at a pile of 2 years worth of cards from friends and family on my desk. Many unopened. Because this year, I tell myself, I’m going to send out cards. 🙃
Welcome to the place where people understand! Yes to everything you listed. For me, the most frustrating component of having ADHD is the mental paralysis you describe as just not being able to make yourself do things. I can quite literally sit in a chair, look at my clutter, tell myself I need to just start at one spot for five minutes, and feel glued to the chair and not move a muscle to actually do it. Yet, ten seconds later, I can jump up to make myself a cup of coffee. The resistance to doing certain things that I know logically need to be done is like invisible ropes tying me down.
I was diagnosed at age 54. Looking over my past as you have done, I suddenly understood dozens of incidences through the lens of an ADHD diagnosis. Now almost 67, I see how it continues to play out in my life with more understanding, but still frustration. I took medication for a couple of years and saw a huge difference, but became unable to tolerate it after 16 rounds of chemo. We did try seven different meds, but doses that were sufficient to help me also caused TD symptoms. This is not normal for ADHD meds, but my body chemistry is different since chemo. Hopefully, you will find a medication that helps you because the difference is amazing. I highly recommend reading "You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?" Kate (Kelly & Peggy Ramundo) written by two women with adult ADHD. It's a great starting point to understanding and living with our diagnosis , and even harnessing some of our "superpowers!"
I think this is a really tough part of a late diagnosis. At least it has been for me. We are trained to harshly judge people who are unproductive or don't have it "together." AND we're trained to not see behavioral health issues as a "good excuse." So even ourselves, the people who should be most forgiving with ourselves, often look back and still feel guilty, ashamed, etc. I'm currently on the journey to finding peace with the past and only looking forward to possibilities. But it's a tough row to hoe, as they say. Also, I always think of this meme when I'm doing that internal work.
I went through a period of grief and loss for my non-diagnosed years.
Twelve years later I feel activated and challenged, I’m finishing my projects, and I’m off my ADD meds.
Check out my past posts, in them, I write about lessening your most hurtful or impacting behavior; with self-awareness come copping skill sets. My reactiveness caused me deep emotional scars, taking days and weeks to heal. I realized that by reducing this behavior I could mitigate its impacts.
I created a context for awareness that was achievable and then committed to refusing self-deprecation and embracing self-compassion and forgiveness.
I have my down days, I have my mistakes and oversights; with my ADD, reactiveness can be mitigated but not eliminated.
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