Struggling to let go

[Yellowsunrise]

Hey everyone 👋 I just needed to see if this is "normal" or i may need to seek external help.

I got broken up with about a month ago, due to communication issues and misunderstandings and it really was a surprise to me and everyone we knew. It happened while i was going through an incredibly tough time and i was not aware he had already started checking out the relationship way before then. He had been acting completely fine and happy when we were together.

I said we should go no-contact and we both agreed to it.

3 weeks into no contact, and I have been completely unable to stop thinking about everything i did/didn't do in the relationship, the possibility of him completely choosing to move on, because of the blame i put on myself for how things turned out. I feel an incredible emptiness and sadness in everything i do. I dont know if i really just want him back or to just forget him and move on.

I'm aware that thinking this way is no help towards my healing but i really did love him and understand why he made that decision in hindsight.

I just dont know what to do at all. I wake up, go to sleep thinking about the same things over and over. Its like a plague. I really want to know if there's a way i can cope better than this, because ive tried meditating, breathing exercises, journaling and nothing seems to work.

Any feedback would be appreciated :,)

[Reformschooldropout]

Argh, this is a horrible situation that I can relate to so much! I don't know how 'normal' it is, but I also struggle with letting go of relationships, more than most people seem to do. I think ADHD + anxiety definitely creates a hot mess of swirling obsessive thoughts, fears, desperation to understand etc... I have been there many times.

However I would say 3 weeks isn't at ALL long to be out of a relationship, especially if you didn't see it coming. Healing does take time whoever you are. The coping methods that you've been using are good, but they aren't going to give a quick fix... And you said you were already dealing with a tough time, so it's going to hit particularly hard.

Oh and also, if you're tempted to break the no contact and get back in touch, you will struggle loads more and loads longer to get over it... From my own negative experience!

Sorry, I don't have any solutions, but lots of sympathy. All I would say is don't beat yourself up for struggling to move on as well as all the other stuff you're worrying about, try to give yourself some compassion!

[wtfadhd]

awe, im sorry. unrequited love is such an awful feeling.

try not to ruminate n circle the drain dissecting the “ whys” . you can do all that later when its not so fresh and hurtful.

allowing yourself to think about the relationship is practicing the problem n that never leads to a solution even though us humans like to think it will. its equivalent to grocery shopping when hungry.

distract yourself with the hobbies n life activities that will help u heal n rebuild yourself outside that relationship

❤️❤️❤️❤️

[Carolinepink]

break up are difficult for everyone. However, one of the most impairing symptoms, but the least addressed, is Rejection Sensitivity Dysmorphia. This makes any rejection amplified and affects a person’s ability to regulate their emotions in a healthy manner.

Also, with ADD relations are more difficult due to impulsity and communication issues. So , you have the added guilt knowing that your behavior may of added to the difficulties in your relationship( or not.) I recommend that you find a professional that specializes in ADD- not just a generalized therapist. This is not a general break up issue - you need some educated in this area. Also, there are many good books to help you understand yourself and then you can explain your challenges to a new partner- who hopefully will be more understanding, Dr Russel Barkley and Dr. Thomas Brown both have several good books. However, you shouldn’t feel as if asking for external help is a weakness, it’s a sign of being self aware and taking positive steps to make your life better in the future. Wishing you more happiness in the future, you’re on the right track.