So I'm not going to make a long post...so I'll keep it short...does anybody else seem to burnout very regularly? I do so at least once a fortnight..How can we mitigated the run up to it, I'm noticing it a couple days before the full burnout in the hope I can control it...but then this morning I'm full of anxiety (fuel for adhd) and out of no where I just broke down in to tears...my burnouts presents itself as deep depression, anxiety, upset stomach and adhd paralysis..
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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Hello Pro-masker,I'm sorry you are in this cycle. If you regularly burn out like that then just knowing it's coming won't help you very much.
I'm guessing that your regular routines, living situation, job, partner, or roommate, etc are not a good fit at all. Something major in you life is too much and an exceedingly bad fit.
It sounds like something has got to give and right now it's you. You are taking the brunt if it and your system can only make it 2 weeks before it needs to shut down and protect itself and recharge.
The best thing you can do is get some support, ADHD informed coach or therapist, and figure out what you need to change. Then come up with a plan to change it. Then take supported action to make the changes.
CHADD, ADDitudemag.com both have directories with ADHD coaches & therapists, my suggestion is to start exploring your options. You deserve a peaceful life, you deserve to not run out of gas every two weeks.
Thanks for your reply. I'm waiting on life coaching at the moment.
I've had the same job and same wife for over 20yrs I work for myself in construction...I feel its work related...that end goal just seems to be a huge struggle for me...j wasn't like this 4-5yrs ago prior to my diagnoses...its really taken a toll on me...my wife keeps saying 'your trying to take on the world even though you live on an island, thinking its going to help control things when it's actually you being too hard on yourself' self care is near on impossible for me I just can't put myself first...always being the ppl pleaser...a yes man if you like.
This co.e up yesterday evening and I think its what I need to listen to..
I experience the same thing. Are you on meds? I notice if I take fewer doses and sometimes skip a few days I can manage the fall out. Though it’s not ideal. I have an appointment this week for this exact reason and am looking to change my meds. Also addressing balance in your life is important as the other person posted. Time in nature is a huge help for me. I’ve started hillwalking and it helps me regulate and counter the anxiety.
Thanks for your reply.. I am on meds, I have a meds reveiw tomorrow... my adhd is the opposite to hyperactivity so I have to take my meds to simply function... if I didn't have my meds my life would be even more of a shit show.. I have to take dex at 6am so I can get up and fight paralysis, then i take elvanse at 9am (these last about 6 hours for me) then dex again at 1.30 to stretch them out for a busy day and to stop me crashing before I finish work at 5...I've had to self regulate my meds as I was on the reveiw list for 2 yrs and they wasn't working effectively for my routine... I've been counselling for 2 yrs but I'm finishing there to then go to life coaching...I am trying 😔
I’m the same… inattentive ADHD. I’m on methylphenidate and then fluoxetine to manage the anxiety it causes. Hoping to switch to longer acting Concerta or Elvanse (UK) to stop the roller coaster. Some days are better than others. Importantly, be kind to yourself and go with how you’re feeling x
I sometimes wish I had hyperactivity lol.Methylphenidate doesn't agree with me so I'm left with elvanse..amongst other meds for depression, anxiety, sleep deprivation/insomnia although I'm really good at insomnia I can easily run on zero sleep in 48hrs and then spring back with just 6hrs sleep....totally stupid thing to do but I'm good at it 🤦♂️...
I just really need to learn this self care bull crap..😅
Pro-masker,Love that clip. You can act on it. You need to get some ideas out of the way like "I don't need help" or "I just need to get used to this cycle, I'll be fine."
Then you will see a path forward that you can't see at the moment. And that's ok!
I hope you don't have to wait too long on the life coach.
You have already started the process of getting ideas out of the way by creating this post - that wasn't easy.
BLC89
I'm an ADHD life coach and offer a free 45 coaching session, if you're interested.
I love the real Jimmy Carr off the stage, he's such an intelligent person... I take him as a pro neurotypical (although dyslexic 🤔) he says things and explains in a way I've never been able to or most of the time even consider trying..
I very very very slightly starting to give myself some self care...I only worked half day today to have a small break for myself but I'll work all weekend now...normally beating myself up because I took the easy route and had a day off...totally counter productive... I always take the hard path, its like my brain is going 'if you don't do it the hard way your just slack just like you always do' when in reality I slack because I'm burning out.. it really is about thought process, I've only been learning what everything adhd about this last couple of months, I've been diagnosed 4 yrs didn't even really know what I was taking these meds for...never got sat down and had it explained to me.
Thank you for the offer. I really appreciate that. I'm definitely interested.
Hopefully the life coaching I've been suggested to isn't going to be too long...I've had to contact my local social services to get anything done...I'm even having a place for respite put in place for when I have my MEGA burnouts because I could be in a room on my own and I'd still feel attacked and defensive 🤦♂️ I go into full protective shield and shut down to all reasoning, completely unapproachable, it affects everyone in the house...then I just try to cut and run when I come back down... I'm full of embarrassment and self resentment...OK I'm taking accountability, my wife is FINALLY starting to see that these outburst aren't just me being a d*** there's actually a reason behind it, more going on then just a hissy fit...but it doesn't stop me hating myself for it...I fight adhd like its my worse enemy...totally the wrong way to go, I know it is but I just somewhat freeze when it comes to the idea of allowing the adhd in...would you sit in a room 247 with you most despised, hated, worse enermy of your life? That's how it feels in my head 90% of the time..
God sake👆 🙄i talk far too much I'll shut up now and give my thumbs a break 🤐🤦♂️
I hear you, it's tough to let go of the self-hatred because somehow that feels like you are letting yourself off the hook. You've been fighting your ADHD your whole life how do you just stop fighting? Not easy, it takes energy to forge a new path. You may not feel like you have that energy right now.
It's getting to a place where you can look at you ADHD as part of you, like having brown eyes or curly hair, it is part of you. You can fight those things if you like - wear colored contacts or straighten you hair - but that takes a LOT of extra work.
That's what you're doing with ADHD but because you've done it since you were a little kid you can't see all the extra work, you can't see that there is a way to work with ADHD rather than against it, and that's OK!
It sounds like some mindset shifts are underway.
He's an exercise I love:
*Just notice when the negative thinking comes online, no change needed just notice it, and look at the thoughts.
That, in and of itself, changes the dynamics in your mind. If you want to take it further here are the next steps.
*After you've noticed for a while (sounds like you might be there already) find the theme. The thoughts usually cluster around an idea, what is it? If the thoughts were lyrics to a song, what's the title of the song?
*Once you have the title, get your DJ hat on and do the color commentary when that "song" comes on "ok folks, get you dancing shoes on, it's an oldie but a goodie, up next 'why am I such a sh***' by the the Internal Critics!"
*Make it silly if you can.
The thoughts are all made up, from long ago to protect you from humiliation or something equally scary. You don't need them anymore but like an old friend they are hard to get rid of. You can't imagine life without them, and that's OK! I say that a lot😁
That's one tool I really like. See if it resonates with you. Even doing the first step can have a positive impact because you are looking at your thoughts they are not you, they are something to be observed.
Hope that kicks off some ideas for you.
It sounds like you have begun the hard work of identifying the unkind thoughts, kudos! This part isn't fun but must be experienced in order to get to the other side.
This is just so helpful...I'm slow at processing things so I have to keep going over things...to have it written down I can process better and quicker...so I will keep repeating your tips to myself till the penny drops lol...it will happen...I'm a big believer in, you can't control your brain easily with adhd but you can change things around you to reduce the negative effects...I'm very interested with what you have to say...
Also, I had a med review this morning I've only been waiting 2 yrs...but they listened to me and actually when I first suggested what I feel I need as a change he wasn't keen...by the end of it he gave me what I feel I need based on the information I gave him...🤞 I maybe able to have more good days then bad... I thought I only had inattentive adhd but on my records I was both hyperactive and inattentive...I was surprised...he said 'Gary you have been here for less then 2 mins and you have just rolled everything out SUPER FAST, you are definitely hyperactive too....doh! 🙈
Hiya...thanks for checking in...I'm feeling very near a burnout but I think I'm hanging in there lol...I'm taking next week off work so I can relax, go fishing, eat loads of food, family time and some gaming...thats right you heard me, im taking some ME time...my son is off work on leave and I found out yesterday (even thou she had already told me 🤦♂️) she is off too from today...I'm a bit apprehensive about it as too much time together isn't always a good idea...this is where my fishing helps alot as I live on the coast there's lots of places to go...
Wahoo! Have a great time and remember this is for you, if it starts to feel like your doing things for them, breathe and pause and go fishing:-)Have a great time
For me it's more like a complete shut down. About every 6 or 8 weeks or so I just STOP. I miss work, I barely do anything at all beyond watch tv and eat. I don't take calls, I don't make calls. i don't look at emails, i don't text and I'm filled with anxiety, remorse and shame because I missed the day and yet with regularity I do it again. I have been doing it my WHOLE LIFE. I literally just had one of these days on Monday. Sadly, i have yet to figure it out either. but i did recognize this time, that this has been going on since i'm a small child.
I can be like that regularly, not answering phone, not pricing jobs even thou it's a job with reward...I just freeze...everything seems impossible...I watched a YouTube short about adhd paralysis...it referenced to putting you hand on a hot cooker hob, you can touch it, of course you can if you really wanted to, but your mind will stop you everytime no matter what you do you just cant do it, the brain is there to protect you...like a computer or electrical goods it cuts out when it over heats to protect it for catching on fire...that's how paralysis is, we're not being lazy...our mind is just shutting down to protect self...and hello BURNOUT...
Yes. Having adhd for a lifetime (71), but only really learning and understanding what this means fairly recently (within past 10 years), I can tell you this will not change. Yes, I regularly experience "burnout". Exhaustion is a characteristic of adhd. It can manifest as depression, extreme tiredness, weakness and if you're trying to push through your day like this you end up with new problems. Good sleep is absolutely essential. Having meds on hand when things get really hard is a good idea, but meds that help one year, may not the next. I used to try to push through, but ended up feeling so weak that just to brush my hair was a chore. I used to think over & over again that I could control some of these things only to be disappointed in myself as a human being. Living with adhd means that every day you will unconsciously struggle through your day, as you have become used to. You may not notice that you're having trouble, until you find yourself exhausted. ADHD means that we do things very differently, we see things differently, and the world around you can't see it. It takes more effort to do nearly everything that other people seem to do effortlessly. But we get used to it.
Don't let them make you think you are lazy. You need more rest at certain times than others. Then when you get enough rest you're busting at the seams with energy, which shows the world that "there's really nothing wrong with you". You take it as a good day, others assume you've been faking. Balancing your life is the bigger picture, you have to constantly be aware of this. I used to cry because I believed and tried with all my heart that I could control my self and my body, only to be disappointed in myself again... which only reinforced my helplessness. All I can say is that you have to know yourself well, all the time. You can dodge some things, go around it, go over it, or go under it. That adhd thing is always there.
I'm complaining at the age of 39...you are like a great legend of the adhd world pushing through 71yrs 😳!!! That's strength in itself...I do exactly what you say...I'm always pushing back against adhd constantly and it just don't budge...I ended up feeling defeated everytime...if I feel like I'm winning its always short lived...then the maladaptive coping strategies kick in...I become so negative in my head that RSD starts kicking in thinking I can't do this, I'm shit at everything...no one wants to be a friend with someone like me, even adhd don't like me...then it's just a cycle over and over again...burnout here I come...I've only learnt over this last month about burnout...I was a bit hesitatant to learn about as everytime I learn something, it another thing unmasked...another thing to struggle with...It was actually a revelation for me as I now know what is happening to me and know it not just me being lazy...I do feel alot of the time adhd is just an excuse (totally wrong way to think and simply not true) and it's can easily be dealt with if you 'just put your mind to it' only to fail everytime
People will always tell you to "put your mind to it", and other cliches and they look at you as if this is a simple thing. That's why I rarely talk about adhd or try to get others to understand. They will always make you feel as if you're making excuses. IT IS NOT AN EXCUSE, YOU ARE NOT LAZY, having adhd is miserable, like having insulin dependent diabetes, you constantly have to monitor yourself.
They won't understand (at least nobody in my life ever did -except for a couple of therapists). Even therapists will treat you like that. I've found that if you get a therapist or a prescribing doctor, you will often feel like they don't get it. I'm sick of following doctors orders. After years of trial and error, I do what works for me.
There is no cure or fix with this thing, every day can be different. Two things have helped me: One, routine is key. As much as I always felt restricted by "routine", having one and sticking to it helps immensely. Also, sometimes it helps to "let go". When you're stuck, just allow yourself to be stuck. Allow yourself to be drawn to whatever you want even though you need to do other things, don't focus on the stuck part, just do whatever you feel like doing at the moment... float along with it... do the adhd insignificant things that make you happy for a while, ...after a short while you won't be stuck anymore. You have to trick yourself sometimes. Set yourself up. You know you're stuck, and fighting it is useless, so go with the flow wherever it takes you for a little while, (if you are at all in a position to do this). I used to have to call in sick some days, and I would lie and say I had a migraine or I was vomiting... because there is no way in hell your employer will understand a sick day for adhd. But sometimes you need it.
I totally relate, I'm 63, I realized I was ADHD at 59. Then had my therapist, who'd diagnosed me bipolar years earlier, say "huh....I can see it". I did get a formal diagnosis. For a while, I was like ARE YOU KIDDING ME, all those years in therapy and I had to figure it out myself??? But finally having an answer to my age old question of "what the heck is wrong with me" has been very helpful. It has allowed me to accept a lot of my challenges, quirks, etc. that before I could not and I had no grace for myself. Learning about the paralysis was really helpful and now with your input, wrapping my brain around the thought that it too is something I must just accept as it is what it is; there's some freedom in that.
I've done similar...I've been doing therapy for 2 yrs straight...and its only a couple months ago I was thinking 'I'm missing something cos I'm struggling to stay on track, so I started thinking adhd and now I know I've wasted some much time on what can't be changed
in my experience, self care needs to be more often and longer duration for us. I haven’t burned out in my current job because I actually have my hobbies and don’t work nights and weekends usually.
Well I have had my first weekend off this weekend in over a month, at one point I had 1 day off in 3 weeks...I think this is my biggest problem...I don't make time for myself...thinking 'if I don't do the extra work customers are think I'm lazy'...again, all in my head which is draining my energy from an imaginary battle, a battle that can't be won straight away...
We really are people pleasers. Hence the burnout. What helps me is knowing I work better if I put it down. I literally have to schedule my breaks and set alarms or I will work all day without lunch. It’s REALLY hard to pull myself away because helping my students drives me… but what helps is telling myself I am a better worker when I make sure I give self care. Would you want to cover everyone at 60% of your quality and have mental health breakdowns or have 100% quality and make yourself happy? I’m pretty sure if you explain to them you want to give them quality work but it may take a bit longer, most will totally understand. You don't want to lose who you are outside of work. It’s what makes you a good worker. Since pushing myself to do self care, I have a lot better outlook on life and am a lot less stressed.
Yeah them days off havnt done me justice because now the customer is saying its taken to long...so here we go again whipping myself to do better...trust me, what I'm doing, is simply no easy task...very time consuming...although having time off has helped my head, plus my med change, I didn't over worry myself I just got in there in the pissing rain and smashed a load of work...hopefully 1 more day I'll be done and I can get the hell out of there...I told myself I just can't do what I use to, my brain isn't as sharp anymore so I'm giving it all up...I'm excellent at what I do...but does adhd fit this life...I was thinking a big fat NO...my dear friend phoned me after i said dont put my name forward anymore i cant do it, and said ' look mate we need a chat' 🤦♂️...the lad has a heart of gold tbh, he said to me ' don't give up your so good at what you do if you have given them a PRICE not day rate then you should take as long as you need, this job is not your next 10 jobs'...that really made me to start thinking more positively...he's right... out of all the jobs I've done and only 2 have made me feel like this...I loved him for that...he told me 'if you've been working all weekends and they still not happy about time then that's their issue not yours, you can't keep doing it, you need time off your a builder mate it's hard graft'...from now on right from the start of a job there will be no more weekend work...they can't start expecting it then...maybe then my burnout won't happen as much..🤞
That’s a true friend. Don’t quit the job until you find one that suits you better though. He’s right that it’s not sustainable. You do need to find something better.
For me I work for myself and in reality I don't want to give up my buiness and work for a company as that would just fail over and over...its my release for my creativity...I restore old victorian houses...I can't see me doing any different...I just need to learn ways to keep the focus going and not burn out...
First thing to keep in mind... you know you aren't lazy so don't allow the facial expressions, body language, and outright attitude you receive from others to get to you. It's them telling you that you are lazy. They don't know what you have to go through. Maybe the "normal" world is a little messed up? You think? Just think about how kids get taught to be a part of the machine... Adhd is problematic for us, but there are traits we have that others do not that can be considered special abilities and will come in handy in certain situations.
Watch youtube... there is a TON of GOOD information out there. Youtube and this site have helped me more than therapy or meds alone. Anyone who says the problem is laziness - ignore. M. Scott Peck wrote a book long time ago-the 80"s I think... Very popular prominent book "The Road Less Travelled" - I threw it in the trash. His opinion was that the problem was laziness. What is "lazy" but a negative criticism...screw that. WE don't want to be lazy, on the contrary we have a lot to offer and want to give. But we get stuck, and there is a range of other roadblocks to life that come with adhd.
What would you do if people said you were unattractive? Or stupid? It's the same thing and it's unfair, not to mention WRONG. Lazy is a dirty 4-letter word in my book.
Oh I'm very far from lazy...although I'm always made to feel like i am...I burnout to please the customer which always messes my life at home as then I'm burnt out and neglect my house...it really is a constant struggle and a repetitive cycle...drives me mad... I want to explain to them I have ADHD but when you do and get told 'well don't eat smarties then' It makes me climb back under my rock because I then feel like i get so invalidated...even though they are the ones that should be ashamed because their stupid comment is really upsetting...I have to tell myself all the time that THIS IS NOT MY FAULT!!...Maybe one day I'll listen lol
Thank you so much...that's has cleared up a lot of issues watching that...I sent it to my mum and my wife...now I know what actually stops that connection between our neurons...he said how I feel 'its like being in an area where your phone signal is crap and it keeps cutting out then back then gone again...I'm glad a professional had clarified that for me..
You understand the disorder, and you know what helps! When you always have something to do that keeps your interest, adhd is less bothersome. Heaven help us when we find ourselves alone for a while.
We who have adhd share many similar traits, but we all don't have the same ones at the same time. Some have more problems with time management, some have problems with focus, hyperfocus or inability to organize and focus and on & on. One thing is true, it's a struggle and we who have adhd understand this. I ask myself, what is wrong with wanting to do a thorough job? The world doesn't like it. I hope you get a chance to watch the video I posted. Everyone needs to understand that it is not something you can beat out of a person, and it doesn't help to be labeled. Most of the world, for all good intentions, does not help. Keep it to yourself at work.
I miss this comment so my apologise Choya526...prime example as why I can't deal with other ppl...5.54am the person who has been bugging me about work, I contacted him Tuesday and after giving him first refusal, he said he wanted to do it, so I put the job off by day and rearranged other ppl to come today(thursday) for him to say he won't be in today...now I'm super stressed because I now have 2 man job to do on my own and it has to be done before clearance guy comes...I've told the customers I'll be done today, I'm going to have to tell them I'm there tomorrow too...they just want me out of there...We would of been done by 2pm and i would of still paid the full day I go off what we need to do not how long we're there because im nice like that, no one ever did that for me...I f******* hate ppl I really do...apart from my ADHDer friends of course, we need to stick together...well I'll just beat myself with the whip like a race horse and once again...if you want shit done do it yourself...I'm taking the next week off to get myself recharged for my next job...going to do lots of fishing!!
I hear you on the burn-out this is part and parcel of ADHD I’m afraid 😟!! It took me a long time to reconise this but when I feel it coming on I will take rests ( sometimes having to force myself ) I stop and ask myself have I drank enough water have I ate yet , then tell myself to take 10 mins sit down and chill . The anxiety is hard as like you I can wake up with it but I tend to challenge it now also I take some good supplements to ease it . Hope this helps in anyway 😀
I've got to say that taking vitamins, eating a healthy diet and drinking plenty has definitely made a difference in my energy levels and I find my vitamins help a lot with the crash...I set my afternoon alarm for 1pm for my last dose of meds so I use that as a reminder to have 10 mins...cup of coffee and a soup, I'm ready to go again...of course it helps and I'm very grateful...
That’s great !! Sounds like you’re doing amazing 🤩! Yes my supplements really help me ! I had to stop talking them for a month due to me having surgery 🙈 oh gosh I didn’t half notice the difference in my energy, moods and focus !! But back in them now and starting to fell normal again …. Well I’m neurodiverse so never be normal hahahaha what is normal anyway 🤷🏻♀️!! Oh gosh I’m waffling 🤣
I totally hear you on this... burnout with ADHD is so real and feel like it sneaks up on you. I’ve been there too, more often than I’d like to admit. That cycle of pushing through, thinking you’re holding it together, and then suddenly...bam...it hits like a truck.
Meds work for some. you can try that. Talking to friends always help. I was working with an occupational therapist. Huuuggge help. My OT helped me understand how sensory overload was contributing to my burnout, like how certain environments or even too much screen time were draining me more than I realized. They also worked with me on coping strategies for anxiety and that overwhelming “stuck” feeling, teaching me tools to manage stress before it builds up to burnout.
Thanks for the input GreenGrass24 now im free from my therapist I'm can now go on to new things...OT is one of them and life coaching...when it happens...my therapist said I can only work on 1 at a time...she was right otherwise I could get overwhelmed and get conflicting help...onwards and upwards from now is all I say..😉
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