Cannot seem to “get it together” — what is the best avenue for meaningful improvement?

[Jadhda]

I am a busy mom of two little kids with what feels like 1,000 responsibilities between kids, home, and work.

I can execute to perfection under the shortest deadlines in the office or create a magical holiday extravaganza overnight for my kids but I cannot seem to master the basics like taking my meds each morning, eating consistent meals, washing my face/changing out of my work clothes before bed, or getting my kids to school on time (or getting anywhere on time). Embarrassingly, I even commonly disregard the need to pee until I physically can’t any longer.

Years ago I believed that my “problems” were due to lack of motivation/laziness etc. despite my high school diagnosis and would only take my medication when in educational settings but after having kids a few years ago, I decided to educate myself, get back on medication, and now feel much more accepting of myself and my diagnosis. I no longer believe these toxic un-truths (HOORAY!) but… I still have ADHD (lol!) so my execution “problems” remain.

My father struggled his whole life with many things including bipolar disorder and unmanaged ADHD and did not seek nor receive the help he so desperately needed; he died by suicide 5 years ago. I want to take a more active approach in protecting my personal health. I was to feel confident in managing my ADHD vs feeling completely controlled by it.

How the heck do I get to a point where I’m consistently tending to my basic personal care needs and parental responsibilities? My doctor has offered additional ADHD meds but I can’t even remember to take the ones I have now with any consistency. I don’t know what tools/community/provider/resources to seek from here but I know I need more support. Advise anyone? Thx!

[Wasted71years]

The differences in performance you described are very ADHD-like. That is, when you have an exciting new activity like planning a major vacation, you can hyperfocus. When you face urgency with external consequences like short deadlines at work, you are motivated. Typical for ADHD.

If you job is well structured with lots of near term assignments that can overcome the motivational challenges. However at home you don't have looming deadlines with fear of being terminated.

a buddy who can call every morning to help you remember taking your meds might help.

my personal experience - the medications had to be tuned to the right levels (and medication) before I had the ability to work on all the rest. At that point I looked to books, webinars, and virtual support groups to help me build up the skills to do better. Not perfect but I am reducing the impacts and doing better all the time.

[Jadhda in reply to Wasted71years]

Thank you so much for the reply. It all makes total sense. I’ll definitely connect with a (new) doctor if taking my Rx as prescribed doesn’t help. One step at a time 😊 I never considered asking someone to call me for a morning reminder, I’ll give that some thought too! Thanks again!

[Knitting20projects]

Do you have a phone where you can set alarms with labels like “medicine” to repeat daily? I think at least taking meds consistently would be goal #1. I’m actually about to shell out for an Apple Watch 8 because of its EF support features. I feel your pain, as a mom who went undiagnosed until 50. I suspect my dad had ADHD & was successful at work (self selected into a good career fit) but was very difficult at home with major fallout for us. Big hugs to you. I’m trying to see myself kindly and with compassion instead of being the cruel critic I have for so long.

[Jadhda in reply to Knitting20projects]

thanks so much for the reply and suggestion! I do have an Apple Watch now, but it is it is an old generation. I have tried to set up reminders and alarms, but I struggle with two things there— I will turn the alarm off when it goes off because it is annoying and then get up to find my meds. 50/50 chance I make it straight to the bottle and then the kitchen for water and down the hatch without derailment. I also do not consistently charge anything—my phone/watch are dead half the time or misplaced 😑. Thank you so much for the support — I definitely need to learn more of the self-compassion piece you’ve focused on 💚

[Horsesarebeautiful]

Hi Jadhda, I'll try to make a good suggestion ☺️ but I'm struggling myself with massive disorganization. I'm retired, 66 years old and recently diagnosed with ADHD. I took meds about 2 years ago that were helping but my PCP at the time made me do urine tests. I have a prolapsed bladder from my hysterectomy and it doesn't drain completely. I tested positive for alcohol and it had been over 1 week since I drank some wine. Different PCP now, getting meds at a different pharmacy, and they are not working very well. I can't switch back to the other pharmacy because there is the shortage and my PCP helped me find the only place that, so far, always has it in stock. But, at least I don't have urine testing now. I also had problems with shaky hands on my antidepressant. When I used to get it at my old pharmacy I had no problems taking it. I've heard there can be differences in quality of drugs from one pharmacy to the next, depending on where they get their shipments from. I'm finding that to be true. If, after some time, you don't seem to respond well to medication you might try a different pharmacy.

I have tried keeping my car keys next to my sunglasses etc, to remember what I need to take when I go somewhere. (Have still then locked myself out of my house before). BUT, I am trying to now keep my medication next to something else I use frequently so I can see it to remind myself to take it. I tried a shelf about 3 feet from my bed that faces me, then I switched to the bedside table in plain view. I'm a visual learner. Still not working well all the time because I have too many other things on the table, now. Of course, I know you can't leave your medication within your kids reach. Is there a place you go to everyday, several times a day to use something you use frequently? Maybe place your medication next to a few objects you use throughout the day and you could then see your meds sitting next to those items? I'm going to try using a pill divider with the Sunday through Saturday sections, and the Morning, Noon, Evening and Bedtime dividers. I stopped doing that because I couldn't find one big enough to hold all my meds and supplements/vitamins. Now, if I do see my medications on the bedside table, I then can't remember if I already took them for the day or not. I'm still looking for a larger pill organizer. I just remembered I (think) I have seen battery operated pill organizers on Amazon or somewhere that have talking alarms to remind you. We can look into that. Also, I had a large wall clock close to the kitchen sink that just went kaput. Every time I walk into the kitchen or through it, I am now automatically looking up at that blank space on the wall. I HAVE to get another clock for that space soon🙄. I'm going to try to put a shelf by that clock for my pills, or at the very least a hanging empty plant basket till I can put up a shelf. I'm glad I was sending you this message when I thought of that. If I don't write something down pretty much immediately I forget within minutes. God, I hope that helps me. Maybe it would work for you also, and be out of reach of the little ones. I wish you the best!🤗

[Horsesarebeautiful]

I found these on Amazon just doing a quick scan through the top entries. I typed on Search "talking medication dispensers." There are lots that are really expensive so I kept scrolling lol. The round gray one hangs up and has a lock. One of the white ones has a magnet on the back. When I have more time I'm going to look at them some more. I'm hoping all 3 pictures went through to you. I'm on my phone and can't tell if they did.

Alarm.

[Jadhda in reply to Horsesarebeautiful]

Oh my gosh this is a game changer! I did not even know this existed, but I am buying one right now! This might be the perfect solution because I set alarms for my medication on my phone, but between turning off the alarm from bed to actually finding my medication, getting a glass of water and taking them, I often get derailed. Maybe I can mount it in my bathroom next to the sink or something that forces me to stand up and keep little Dixie cups next to it something. I really appreciate the suggestion!!! Thanks again.

[Horsesarebeautiful]

Here is the gray one that hangs up.

This hangs up and has a lock.

[Horsesarebeautiful]

This has a magnet on the back.

This is alarm only but could possibly go on the fridge.

[Highlysuspect99]

A smartwatch can be priceless for things such as reminders and since it's on your wrist you won't lose it, but if you don't program it then it's useless. It helps me a lot without having to count on a phone, which can easily get lost the more time you spend using it for tasks etc.

[Jadhda]

Thank you for the suggestion! I struggle with consistently charging my devices, but I have a very odd Apple Watch and it doesn’t last through the full day without dying. Maybe the newer ones hold a charge longer and I could try that again! I programmed a lot of tasks into my phone but commonly immediately disregard the notifications… I clicked them off, so they go away on my screen and then I don’t follow through 🙈 Maybe I can ask my Husband for assistance in charging at night and reduce the amount of reminders to the critical only and see if that helps. Thanks again!