Hello, Anyone in here I can fit in?

[Iwanttobenormal]

I guess but I'm not sure I was born with ADD, now that I recall my behavior as a child. I recall memories since I was 4. I was different. While everybody nap. I get bored and wonder around the house. As a teenager, I was convinced I was different. I felt myself different. I had only one friend in school cause nobody liked me: and I was happy with one friend only. I never liked crowds nor loud people. Even my dad I could tell he didn't liked me, but my mom did! My sisters didn't liked me. I was like a frame on the wall. I see myself like an hugly poor girl. Some of my sister abused me verbally emotionally telling me I was uggly and keep comparing me with other girls. Suddently, I become so pretty, and the tallest of my sister. I had a beautiful personality and I see myself so beautiful but because people outside my family keep telling me how beautiful I was, but I did not knew I was so pretty . To be honest I still see myself as ugly . Then I got married and he abused me verbally sexually emotionally and physically. He was a narcisist and destroy my children and myself character and spirituality. For 16 years I live my life as a robot but I don't recall me seeing hearing or talking, and couldn't defend my children because if I did he would get angrier and would beat them worse. My children didn't had a mom because I was another scared little girl along with my children. After we escape from him I went back to school and obtain a MS . I had a envidiable job position but I struggle so bad because I couldn't focus. I couldn't reasoning and I had a supervisory position I travel all aro un the US for job related conferences . Plus university plus full time job and dealing with a rebellious teenager who got pregnant at age of 20. I lost my job of 20 years and I wanted to die Suddenly I lost everything my job my home my children. Cause couldn't deal with me anymore . They were already adults. I was devastated not understanding what had happened to me . My coworkers and my boss at work were the only people who give me love and treating me so nice with dignity, but the new director noticed my ADD and get rid of me. She was cruel he diminished me humiliates me put me down . I reported to human services and they get rid of me. I spend 3 years in bed crying and sleeping isolated from the world . Then one of my dear friends forced me to go to therapy and now I'm better but there is two things I haven't been able to help myself . 1- to over reacting when I witness my daughter screaming at her children while playing baseball ridiculice him in front of his little friends. And my mind went back when my husband would do the same to my children and I explode and tell my daughter to stop being mean to my grand-baby . She would scream at me , I do it because they are my children . You are nothing . She wouldn't let my Grandbabies to hug me because my Grandbabies love me so much and I love them Then she wouldn't speak to me no more unless I ask her for apologies. I can't stand when a parent scream at their children when they are playing . This turns me into another diferent women full of rage. SECOND thing I can't have a romantic relatiinships because if they said a phrase that reminds me of my abusing exhusband I explode. Last but not least, I can't keep a job cause it's overwhelming only to complete that longs ridiculous job applications it's too much for me. I can't keep focus for long time! I get upset frustrated depresed anxious! I can't seat on the computer not even for 3 minutes . One day I feel my mind so clear and can focus perfecttly but next day I can't even remember where I am when I woke up and spend the rest of the day on my bed just looking at the ceiling . I try myself so hard! Every day I found something new to do and got very exited but that interest end up very soon and need to look for something else to stop my depression . I still think I'm diferent people treat me diferent and not even pay attention to me not even listen to me not even let me change to speak . I'm so so alone!!but I don't like people around me ! Who can help me!!!

[CloudsRlovely]

I'm sorry to hear this. If you need to talk to someone right away call 988. Have you tried the basics to help you stay in a better mindset. Yoga, meditation, hiking, exercising and breath work. It's a small task that might get you going enough to start other things mainly help you get out of the funk. Have you tried CBT. That may help you too.

[Iwanttobenormal in reply to CloudsRlovely]

I've tried many things but I get frustrated cause I can't keep focus or get angry when I can't understand or get discouraged easily . I can't do things by myself . I need a jimminie cricket Pinocchio councious to be with me all the time I get out of my home to wakes me up when I'm having a trigger

[Mamamichl]

things like this are always hard. You need to remember, this feeling will not last forever. Something that has been helping me is doing dialectical behavior therapy (DBT). I’ve been where you are, and it took 12 years with my safe partner to finally get rid of my triggers with my ex.

Speaking of triggers, have you written any of yours down? I like to list mine and write how to avoid them or how I want to react to them in the future. Making a plan has helped me.

[Iwanttobenormal in reply to Mamamichl]

Hi... But how to do that? It's not easy for me to do it by myself. I can't walk alone . I need someone to take my hand and guide me 😞

[Iwanttobenormal in reply to Mamamichl]

Dialectical behavior therapy, Where location is available? Do they accept insurance?

[Mamamichl in reply to Iwanttobenormal]

DBT does accept insurance (depending on the practice though). I needed to get a referral from my pcp to do it, but it was worth it. Look up “dbt institute of (state you’re in)”. I found mine through my PCP.

[Mamamichl]

Tell me one of your triggers, and I can walk you through it.

One of mine were my parent's house and hearing my mother's voice. I have gone no contact with her and it helped. Another trigger for me is the smell of marijuana. For that one, I made a plan to be straightforward about my PTSD and ask people to tell me if they want to light up near me. My partner and most of my friends do this, and so I am able to brace myself and not be caught off guard as often, which helps me suppress the urge to have memories and remind myself that these people with marijuana have nothing to do with what happened to me. If say, you have issues with a certain corner in town, you can move out of town or just plan a different route to avoid that area. If you see someone going that way, you can blare music, close your eyes so you can distract yourself from knowing where you are before getting really triggered.

[Iwanttobenormal in reply to Mamamichl]

One of my triggers is when I witnessing a father screaming at their child ridiculo zing him in front of his friends. The father of my children did that since children to adolescence and he beat me to and they are now traumatized with triggers and alcohol problems . I explode and attacked verbally to the person in this case my daughter and her husband then my daughter get upset and won't talk to me 😞but I can't help myself . The other trigger is relationship problems I can't keep a parent because I start seeing in them my ex abbusive husband behavior and walk away . The other one my boss I was victim of workplace abuse and when I complain with HR they get rid of me, Sone of my sisters juddamental behavior towards me because I'm diferent . I have no tolerance for criticism because I had so much for 20 years from my ex exhusband and my boss

[Mamamichl in reply to Iwanttobenormal]

Ok. So with the fighting, you could call child protective services or the police to handle it as a plan. You can also put in earplugs and recite a chant to not react to it (I have to tense up my body to walk away).

Maybe for the kids, you can explain the trigger and ask them to make an effort not to exhibit that behavior around you? If they don’t, then you can go low or no contact. If your kids care about you, they will try. Definitely talk to them when both of you have an open mind.

To try and help my workplace trauma (I’m a teacher), I’m about to start a position where I am teaching online schooling. This will give me a different environment to work in. Think about similar situation.

You can use the same strategy with your sister. When not triggered, you can talk to her about this need and that you want to keep the relationship, but you need her to hold her judgements to herself. You already know your issues and don’t need to be triggered. If she cares about the relationship, she will make an effort too. If she doesn’t, you can go no/low contact with her too. I had to do that with my parents, unfortunately.

[STEM_Dad]

Welcome to the community Iwanttobenormal .

Thank you for being open enough to share all that you shared. A lot of how you describe yourself, both now and when you were younger, does sound very much like ADD (which is now officially called ADHD, even if the person has no hyperactivity).

Trauma and being mistreated by others, especially by family, can be very difficult to overcome. Working with a good mental health practitioner (e g. counselor, therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist) can help.

CloudsRlovely gave some good suggestions. Mamamichl did, too, especially about how to deal with triggers.

Many people who have ADHD also experience something that is called Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), which is similar to being triggered (but I think it doesn't require a specific trigger, just anything that seems like rejection to us (words or actions, intentional or unintentional, actual or even just our perception of it happening).

• I don't have any childhood trauma, and only some relationship trauma, but I know that I've experienced RSD a lot.

• I don't know if people with ADHD are just more likely to experience it based on how we are different in our neurodevelopment.

• However, I do know that people with ADHD are more likely to experience rejection by others. Most notably as children: having few or no friends, being excluded a lot, and being treated differently. Many of us also experience a lot of rejection, exclusion, and mistreatment in relationships and in work environments.

Many of us also experience Imposter Syndrome (aka Imposter Phenomenon). That's what it's called when you feel like you don't really belong somewhere or in a certain role. It's common in work or academic environments, and even social aspects (friend groups, relationships, formal groups like churches or clubs, etc).

• You mentioned that you earned an MS. That's a notable achievement. (I went to college for 9 years, but was unable to complete a bachelor's degree.) Having completed a Master's degree, but now feeling like you're unable to work, might be a form of Imposter Syndrome.

Then again, even though ADHD is a lifelong condition, the symptoms can change over time. They can get better or worse on their own. But from my own life experience, I've learned that anxiety or depression can make my ADHD symptoms much worse than normal.

~~~~~

And that brings me back to the topic of therapy. Or, more generally, getting your needs met for your mental well-being.

• Therapy and medication can possibly be very helpful. Everyone responds differently, though. Finding the right help for your needs might take a lot of persistence.

Things that you can do even starting today to help yourself can include any of the following. (Regular use of these can be much more beneficial over time, but even a one-time try might help you when you need it.)

• Meditation, mindfulness, or prayer

• Exercise (even simple forms of exercise can help, but some types like yoga, martial arts, or exercise routines/sports that challenge balance and coordination have been studied to be particularly helpful for ADHD)

• Eating a healthy diet

• Being well hydrated

• Getting adequate rest on a regular basis, especially getting enough sleep (being short on sleep is one of the things that reduces attention the most)

• Avoiding (or at least reducing) use of recreational substances, if you are accustomed to using them. (Some people say that use of marijuana helps their ADHD, but medical studies say that it makes attention worse. It's much debated whether CBD is helpful or not.)

[Iwanttobenormal in reply to STEM_Dad]

Thank for your kind response and suggestions on things to do thst might help me. I have never use illegal drugs nor alcohol But isn't doctors prescribed medication is the same ? I believe that the only difference is that what I use it's "legal drugs" because they are prescribed by a doctor but to me it's the same . It's soooo devastating feeling rejected criticized, feeling like I'm not from this planet. I can't tell them things that happen to me because they think I'm crazy . The truth is that I see or dream tragic events that eventually come true and many other things when I have this dreams I woke up feeling very depressed without energy . Do you think that dialected behavior therapy might be a good fit to me?

[STEM_Dad in reply to Iwanttobenormal]

DBT might be a good therapy for you.

I haven't tried it, so I don't know what it's like. I've tried cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which did help me a lot. DBT is a specialized form of CBT.

~~~~~

Regarding ADHD medication, it's actually quite safe if taken as prescribed.

Jessica McCabe, host of the "How to ADHD" YouTube channel has an excellent video on the topic of ADHD medication. (Both Jessica and the doctor featured in this episode have ADHD, too.)

youtu.be/38qpm6VKBFc?si=9io...(Not working as expected?)

If you don't know Jessica's story, I recommend watching her TEDx Talk, which is titled "Failing at Normal: An ADHD Success Story", which is also on YouTube. (It's several years old, and a lot has changed for her since then, like the fact that she's a new mom this year.)

• Her YouTube channel has lots of informative videos about ADHD that are not too long and definitely not boring, including strategies and accomodations, and relatable stories. I recommend checking it out.