I will appreciate some advices and help pls

[B907]

I was dating someone with ADHD, I really felt in love with him, I did everything to understand his situation and I was willing to go through and struggle. I could say this relationship was pure, lovely, communication was great, we understand each other, we argue and talk about it at night before we go to bed. All of a sudden he changed, he totally became a different person, he recently got out of the army, he wanted to stay at the beginning but I wanted him to go home, and at least see family and friends. I was worried about him, he stopped doing the things that he likes to do, and lot so I thought him being around family could help. Unfortunately he cut me off, didn't tell be the reason why he is breaking up with me, all of the sudden his mom didn't like me, he became cold and hurtles, he never stop by to say goodbye even though he said he will stop by ... I'm just confessed on how this person just turn out to be like this ...

[BlessedLady]

Has he recently started taking medication for his ADHD ? I know he was not taking medication while in the military because it is not allowed. How long he was in the military, what his duties were and his ages are also important.

[B907 in reply to BlessedLady]

he was in the army for 3 years, he is 24 and he was a specialist soldier. Omg you might be right about his medication because anytime he is grumpy and has a lot going on, he always says it’s not your fault, I need to talk my medication

[Rodster]

He probably stopped exercising when he got out and depression kicked in. A person tends to cut people off when they are depressed.

[B907 in reply to Rodster]

sounds like something he will do because he left without not saying goodbye, just left

[FindingTheAnswers]

Hi. From what you wrote, you did all you could (in my words, you did right by him). Obviously you don't know all that was on his mind or in his head. Did he get scared or felt overwhelmed because you two were getting too close? As Rodster wrote about him possibly being depressed, I wondered about that also. The change from military to civilian life? The military is a lot of structure that,,,, I don't know, but structure is good for me. Also for me, ADHD has played a big part in romantic relationships, and usually not in a good way. This includes me staying in unhealthy relationships. With my mind running 100 mph, it was difficult keeping everything in perspective (this is still tough to put into words).

You cared for this guy and as you already know, for any relationship, ADHD or not, you have to look out for you. What you think or feel is just as important as his. Some people will make themselves better, by sucking the life out of you. You can't fix, change, anybody. All you can do is be you. And hopefully by him spending time with you, he'll figure it out how good he's got it.

[B907 in reply to FindingTheAnswers]

I keep on asking myself what went wrong, because I honestly wasn’t expecting things to go this way, I wasn’t expecting him to totally change to be cold, heartless and rude

[B907 in reply to FindingTheAnswers]

we have been close for six months, he always say him getting out won’t be easy and I was willing to be his backbone while he fix himself. I wanted nothing but good things for this guy

[wtfadhd]

Are you sure that his ghosting has anything at all to do with his ADHD?

In the event his ghosting is due to ADHD…. it sounds like he was doing great in the military. Us ADHD folks do awesome when we are doing something we like. Even if being in military personally sounds dreadful to some people, it sounds like he had a hard time transitioning out of it.

I dont think it was to your benefit that You decided he should go home and You decided that being around his family n friends was the answer. to His problem. He told you he didnt want to do that but it sounds like he did it because you wanted him to. So honestly, its not shocking to me that he has cut you off.

I know that kinda sounds mean, but as a person with ADHD, i read your post and i kinda knew where it was gonna go and how it was gonna end. Ya gotta let people make their own decisions, especially ADHD folks, cuz we are super sensitive.

im sorry you are heartbroken and miss him. Unrequited love is the absolute worst. i think we have all been there. Find some supportive girlfriends to have some fun and help you heal. He has made his position clear with his actions. Try not to spend too much time figuring out why he does what he does n instead use that time to find someone who can truly meet/ match your energy n commitment:)❤️

[B907 in reply to wtfadhd]

😔 I was worried about how he suddenly cut off his friends, how his job was draining him, also being away from home for a while I honestly thought him going home will be helpful, but apparently it wasn’t. Thank you for the advice i really appreciate it

[Gettingittogether]

This kind of shift happens all the time in romance--and not just with people with ADHD. Sure, people with ADHD might be more flakey because our emotions are harder to regulate.

Just a tip. I have ADHD, but I learned this tip from dating someone who had another condition, worse than ADHD in my view.

Don't volunteer to be there for someone else's struggle. No, date because you're having a blast. Period. We're human--there will always be issues that come up later in a relationship. But if you enter the relationship in helping mode, you're already lost. You're already tip toeing and being careful and putting your needs second.

You want to date someone because their great qualities dwarf whatever issues they have, including ADHD. Don't grade partners on a curve because they have a condition.

The person I was dating with a serious condition didn't want to go get help for her condition. So be careful to assume that people really do want to get treated.

[B907 in reply to Gettingittogether]

I wish I knew this earlier 😔😭😭

[wtfadhd in reply to Gettingittogether]

That was such epic wisdom. thanks for that post!

[FindingTheAnswers in reply to Gettingittogether]

Gettingittogether - Yes. Well said. But there's still some difficulty to accept this. Is this because I'm (still) looking for/wanting for someone to fix me? Oh, Hell. Back to Therapy

[Gettingittogether in reply to FindingTheAnswers]

We all fantasize of someone to fix us ... but we don't take that fantasy totally seriously. I doubt you do. Love your humor!!!!!

[Rodster]

I would like to point out something that I have noticed over the years. When people leave your life they make room for whoever is supposed to be there. There may be someone much better for you right around the corner and your ex boyfriend needed to leave so that much better person could show up. Sometimes bad things happen so that your life can get better.