How my ADHD shows up

Hey all, I’ve just realized that I often tell stories in order to deal with feelings. And writing helps me let out my rambling thoughts that like go off at the speed of less than a nanosecond. That’s why I have journals. Also, taking walks really helps me. I love looking at the trees and at the blue sky and at the rocks. It sparks my imagination. I would stare at all the things listed and more in elementary school because I didn’t often have many people to play with. I hope everyone’s having a good day. Have you noticed that sometimes you don’t notice people? I mean I can pick up how people feel in movies and books, but never in real life. In middle school and high school I never knew who the snotty ones were and if I found out about something, I was usually the last one to hear about it and I heard it from someone else and then I wonder where was I? But I was often in my own world aka my own head. And one of my high school teachers said “you’re very aware of yourself, but not of other people.” I think he’s right. I just don’t know how to read people in real life and when stuff that’s touchy happens I don’t know how to handle it or what to do. How do I get good at reading people?

[Brigid14922]

I think meaningful relationships are more important than an arbitrary measure of being able to “read people” - after all, no one is really a mind reader. It sounds like you’re really emotionally aware, and that you care deeply, which would make you a really great friend. Instead of focusing on what you think you can’t do in regards to people in general, have you tried sitting down with a specific person and asking them for some quality time to talk and get to know each other? This could be a friend, a classmate, a colleague - anyone that you have some curiosity about and would like to know better. And instead of trying to read nonverbal cues, just really listen to them, and ask them questions in response that show you’ve been listening. If you need to move in order to pay attention, a walk would be great for this, or a phone call (not a video call) so you can pace around your space while you listen and talk. I wonder if some of the reason you feel like you don’t know how to handle “touchy” situations is that you’ve built up a narrative (the stories you tell yourself, like you said) that you aren’t good with people, and that narrative is blocking out your ability to be present in the moment. Have you tried mindfulness? It can be hard for ADHDers (like me) but can definitely pay off if you find the right approach. The point is that learning to be present in a given moment (rather than letting narratives and anxieties make all the noise in our head) and practicing listening to people (rather than trying to read them) will equip you to really respond to people where they are instead of trying to guess or anticipate.

[Hidden in reply to Brigid14922]

Thanks! 😊👍🏽

[Stardustdaydreams in reply to Hidden]

I remember taking a mindfulness course in college and our homework assignments were just mindfulness practices. I would put them off until the very last minute until I was actually doing thing and thinking, "why don't I do this more often?" And then turn in my assignment and rinse and repeat. But, mindfulness DOES really help and if you get into the habit of doing the tasks it does wonders.

On another note, I too, am very emotionally aware of myself and other people's verbal and non verbal cues, but I also freeze in touchy situations. I have a psych degree because I love getting to know people and talking through their problems BUT I recently started working with LNI to get injured workers back into jobs and I don't know how to talk to them. I have to call these people I've never met and be like, "so how have you been?" And they're like, "Well, I would really like to tear off my arm because it hurts so bad and no one can help me and I don't want surgery because last time my lung collapsed" and I don't know how to deal with that??

I should start keeping journals again, too. I would go though an entire gel pen in one night just writing out my thoughts of the day.

[Hidden in reply to Stardustdaydreams]

Thanks. I continue to use journals. I will never stop using journals. Writing is so therapeutic for me.

[Stardustdaydreams in reply to Hidden]

Don't stop because it's so hard to get back into the practice

[Stardustdaydreams in reply to Stardustdaydreams]

At least, it's been hard for me.