I don't know what to do anymore. My ADHD is taking a toll on me.

[Codebox42]

My name is Chey Langley and I'm 24 years old. I've been diagnosed with ADHD since I was a toddler, and until a couple years ago I never realize how much it affected my life. During my entire school life it actually proved to be hurtful looking back, I had super hyperactivity/impulsiveness as a child (though it was merely innocence and at the time neither me nor my parents though it was as serious back then) and I never had any real long lasting friends. Or rather in theory. (I did have some friends, but it was never on the same level, as in we all had different lifestyles and interests and overtime I just couldn't keep up, always feeling like the odd one out every time. So I just stuck to being alone or feeling alone, and I was felt so clueless as to what was happening around, not because I naturally never understood, but because my ADHD made it limiting to understand a lot of things naturally that I felt stupid)

And overtime because of the constant change in interchangable friends, I pretty much accepted I was meant to feel alone. So I have been for about 4 years now. I'd often come home and cry because of my own isolation I build myself. And this also ties into how it effected my grades. Because I had a hard time paying attention my grades flip flopped (not in getting good and bad grades, but going back and forth with understanding and not understanding) the thing that hurts the most is I never understood my ADHD back then, even all the way up into High School it never came to me as a thought. It wasn't until I graduated and entered college (where I'm currently at now) that it began to click with me, and is where problems began to spread worse. Regardless I still did decently well in school.

When I was 21 that's where things started to click. I started noticing behavior issues and such and then it occurred to me, it was my ADHD the entire time that has been effecting my social life. And overtime it has gotten so much worse. It all started when I realized that its frustrating to even do the most basic of tasks, stuff that you should be able to do by at least 14 years old, and it feels very embarrassing that I never liked to discuss it or always felt the need to hide the issues because of how embarassing it was being unable to do the most basic things, but not out of general ignorance or being incapable. But because I'm stuck limited in doing so because of something I can't control, and it got worse as my home life became a struggle to live in. Having people who barely understand the true extent of what ADHD really does.

While I have explained to at least a couple of them the problems of my condition, and they understand how it effects me, I still can't get people to understand how it effects me mentally or emotionally. And sometimes I'm even treated as half of my age as a result of the limitations placed on myself. And having to watch other people grow in society and even people younger than me, it hurts, not because the concept of younger people growing up more fluid than me, but because I shouldn't have to feel so limited because of it, but I do. And sometimes I'm indirectly talked down too, but not in a way that's demoralizing, as it's basically innocently insensitive, and I can't really blame that on people, because they don't understand or aren't meaning too, but it does take effect on me because I feel trapped. It even effects my motor skills too, and I do feel a slight urge to get annoyed whenever I feel someone is carrying me along when trying to explain something. Again it's because of the disconnect between understanding how it works (sometimes I feel as if it goes too far down) I just feel like I can't do anything but watch the days go back, and thinking of my future with this problem scares me everyday, sometimes even into depression. I don't wanna still have these issues past 26. And I feel like I should be doing a lot more now, but I can't. And honestly I've gained an inferiority complex to the world because of all of this.

I do have some friends online, and while the experience has been great in that regard, due to the personal tastes in same interests, humor etc it can still be frustrating at times when it feels they're evolving in terms of everyday life and I'm feeling further away at the bottom. And I mostly shift mood swings, I feel sad and depressed as a result of my ability to not be able to communicate very well. I honestly feel like I don't exist a lot of the time, a lot of times when I try and make friends people forget I'm there because of the disconnect in being social.

And it's even effecting my college work. I decided to take College Online due to the constant frustration of being socially awkward and tired of being ignored by peers due to communication disconnect. But at the time time its sacrificed my ability to make friends and I now feel lonely and insecure. While I have been keeping a decent track record as far as consistency goes I still struggle with the task to focus on what I want/need to do. There are so many things I've been wanting to improve/have interest in that fall behind because my procrastination takes over my concentration and focus, even if my goal/desire to want to focus and finish my task is still in my mind, by body doesn't follow through. Speaking of mind, I often have a strange habit of keeping things stuck in my mind for long periods of time and those things will act into my mind, almost as if I'm thinking or acting them out myself, this also factors into my I have a hard time focusing, so many things go on in my head at once. I'm uncertain if this is a sign of ADHD. I just wanna feel like I belong in this society, but I don't. Apologize for being so long, but its been three years and everything is manifesting everyday into a worse problem, especially in regards to communication where I feel like everyone is evolving and I'm devolving and motor/society skills. And I'm isolated and sheltered.

I feel like I wanted to share this with the community and hopefully people with this similar experience will understand me. So tell me, does anyone else feel the same way?

[Irshadali]

Hi,

I am 26 and have bee suffering from ADHD from my child. I was diagnosed recently. while reading your post it felt like as if you are describing myself 3 year ago. I have improved a lot since then.

I haven't been able to make good friends ,or at least keep them for long time. It is still sometime so frustrating and tiring to make new friends.

"But at the time time its sacrificed my ability to make friends and I now feel lonely and insecure".

But don't lose hope and feel insecure it does get better. I would recommend reading this book.

amazon.com/Driven-Distracti...

It helped a lot of people and I hope it will give you confidence to accept your shortcomings and make the best of your abilities.

This community is your friend, we will always be here to help you. Don't worry.

After reading your post , I can say you are a very good commumicator.

[Codebox42 in reply to Irshadali]

It feels enthusiastic to know people can understand the personal level of stress and self defeating nature I go through everyday. I have a feeling I'm going to enjoy this community. And honestly not really, I've only gotten this good with being descriptive simply by watching people, not personal experience. Thank you so much for your comment.

[Hidden]

I completely feel where you are coming from. This has been a story of my life. Falling behind. But try to find help, keep at it. It can be exhausting but in the end you’ll get there. I’m fighting my way through this now. Keep me posted.

[Codebox42 in reply to Hidden]

I've been trying to, but it's been a situation where I book an appointment but never get any calls back. But I do try and remain optimistic. But it can be hard to maintain. I really only give that image publicly, but I'm actually an insecure wreck. And glad to know I'm not alone, I hope you come out victorious in the end while fighting this. And I'll do my best to keep posted if my procrastinating doesn't get in the way.

[Hidden in reply to Codebox42]

Sorry for a late response, it’s an HDHD thing I guess 😕 but the same thing happened to me. I keept calling the mental health clinic in my county for 2 years and leave a meassage. I only learned recently that, that clinic had folded and there had been a new non profit organization running the thing for the whole time.

The weird thing is that the old phone number was working with an answeing machine in a defunct mental health department that doesnt exist at all so none was calling me back. I was in the system of the new organization but noone called me or checked on me.

I only found out what was going on, after I went to the hospital in an ambulance because i expressed here that i was on a suicidal mission. Maybe something similar is happening to you. Maybe you are calling the wrong number and a place that doesnt exist but has a phone.

[Hidden]

I'm only 21 and you just described my daily mental battle. I work from home so there are some weeks when I never leave home unless it's to run to the store for something. The few limited friends I do have live more than an hour away from me and are so busy with college it's rare to meet up at this point in time.

I have struggled and still struggle to make new friends. Even online I have few friends because they are actually out doing things and are in school or working. I was homeschooled through middle school and high school so childhood friends from school are nonexistent. I understand the loneliness you feel because I go through it most days.

I do find comfort to know that this is not just me who deals with this because I haven't met another person who struggles to make friends and often wondered if there was something wrong with me. I'm still fighting in every way I can to make things better for myself and I'm glad to hear I am not alone.

[Codebox42 in reply to Hidden]

I really crave to have a job and I do wanna work, but Idk if my ADHD will allow me. Especially since I feel I lack in responsible nature to have a job, it sorta scares me since I've never had one. I have been thinking online jobs, what kind of good ones can you get online? And that's the same with me, the only "true" friends I have live long distance apart from me in other states or countries.

Well until recently I didn't know what to do, even a few thoughts I had were suicidal. And same here, I'm glad to know I'm not alone either.

[Hidden in reply to Codebox42]

Well I'm not sure if it qualifies as an 'online' job but I make and buy stuff to sell on ebay and etsy. I as well have actually never had a formal job outside the home for certain reasons. I previously did work have a temporary employer that sold items I made at their booth for anime conventions, all I had to do is make and ship them and they sold the items for me.

Lots of people make a living off of just buying quality items at garage sales and estate sales and selling them on ebay, that's what interested me because it is a job but a low maintenance job. Plus, when hunting for items to sell you get some social interactions.

This is what worked for me but if it's not your thing then keep hunting until you find a job you feel confident you could preform well at, I have two family member with ADD as well and one has been at his job for 15 years because he loves doing it and the other who has struggled for most of his young adult life to hold a job for more than 6 months due to his ADD now has been at his current job for 2 years because it's a repetitive job, he does the same thing every day and he performs well with that kind of job.

Hope this helps at all? 😊

[pschoess]

Hello!

Loneliness from staying at home with work as caused me some days to stay in my "relaxing sleep clothes" all day. So...today I got up and exercised. It really does help with focus and attention to my work this morning. People have told me for years that exercise helps and I also do some Yoga type stretches that help focus and slow my mind.

I have a family member who also struggles with ADHD and it is a trainer commitment 3 x a week that makes sure she goes. So now I want to commit to her that I will work out at home the same days I know she is going to a trainer. I am better with accountability in the early stages of creating a habit.

And...Driven to Distraction and Delivered from Distraction - great books. It was really Hallowell's work as well as the book "Is it You, Me, or ADHD?" that helped me feel more "normal" and take ownership of where my attention issues stem from.

Also...eating matters! Bright Line Eating is my newest read that gives me some insight on how snacking during the day and other practices are keeping me an ineffective mental state.

Glad to have a community of people hear to share with too!

[kami73]

I can relate to EVERYTHING you are you going through. I'm so sorry and I can relate. I just got diagnosed and it was like shining a light on my entire past and explaining everything, behavior, isolation, inappropriateness, loneliness, struggling, relationship failures............. I just wish I knew at an early age instead of just finding out now at 44.

Hang in there!

[unfocused]

You're not alone. I'm 36 and haven't had a real friend in about a decade, but I've come to realize I don't really need or want friends either. The biggest impact for me is career wise, because my social skills are garbage. Not so good for business!

You're still young, and your brain is still developing, so you may not have fully settled into your adult self yet. It took me years of self reflection before I came to realize that I'm ok alone, and that I can get what social interaction I do need from cashiers or other strangers and not have to worry about the rest of the relationship. I can tell you it wasn't easy letting go of that-but necessary to move on. Now I'm trying to let go of my lifelong dream of running a business, because I just can't. Someday I could hire someone to run it for me, but I can't do it. Took me, again, ten years of trying to figure that one out. (And so much wasted money... ugh.)

Point is, what you're going through sucks and it hurts and going through it is hell. But you're still young and you've got a lot of time left to figure things out. You are also in a place where you see SO MANY PEOPLE who have what you can't, and that is like needles in your soul. But that is also temporary. If you can make it through school and get out into the world, you might find that nobody really knows what the hell they're doing, and there's a weird comfortable camaraderie in that. You will also likely meet more people like you, living on the edges of functionality, that you can relate to.

I know it's not exactly helpful advice, but giving yourself permission to not have it figured out or know what you're doing is ok. Put your best self into the things you can control or focus on, or that interest you, and eventually you'll have the brain space to handle the other stuff.