Feeding the black hole

[fanglorious]

My therapist told me that aspects of ADHD mimic obsessive-compulsive disorder in that there's an area of my mind that hyper-focuses on whatever it sucks in and then ruminates on it. I used to do this on whatever I was anxious about and my brain would grind on the topic so much that I kinda wanted to die just so it would stop. Is this an experience anyone else has? I was once diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and medicated with alprazolam and that devolved into a nightmare years ago. Since I've been off alprazolam and I've been working on coping skills it's never happened again to that degree. My therapist says I need to give my hyper-focus area (I think of it as my black hole) something to play with and focus on that's purely innocent and not anxiety-inducing, so I tend to pick a playlist with catchy guitar parts to loop through my head. I also find some relief with a fidget cube.

[Hidden]

Thanks for the post I have for sure experienced the hyper-focus hell mode. 🤣 I just read a book that explained it pretty well. DR. Amen -Healing ADD . He calls it over focused type 4. Personally, I have anxiety ADD type 7 where the anxiety is feeding my needed energy boost and dopamine, however, when I do go into hyper focus mode, I try relaxation techniques or very loud music to try to help the thoughts to process out of my mind.

[fanglorious in reply to Hidden]

That's another book to add to my list lol. It sounds interesting, but my attention typically only allows for 5 minutes of uninterrupted reading before I lose focus. I tend to use the loud music route too, as I favor metal. I can't make myself take relaxation techniques seriously because I feel dumb when I do them.

[Hidden in reply to fanglorious]

😂 I legit understand.

[wtfadhd]

Yep, 100% i like the analogy you used. I was never taught that concept. However, my ability to hyper- focus is my greatest asset in the workplace now that i have skills to harness this super-power and use it to my advantage. Left unchecked, i will get extreme anxiety that dominates my entire being. Ugh!

[Horsesarebeautiful]

I was diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder several years ago. It got to the point where I called up a nurse line and was begging for help. The nurse I just happened to talk to knew of a doctor at a clinic that I could see that was very good and very knowledgeable about OCD. She asked me if I could be at that clinic within the hour because he had an opening. The clinic is close to my house and I somehow managed to get myself together and get out the door and make it over there in time to see him. I sat in the waiting room crying with everyone staring at me. Then when they took me back to the examining room to take my blood pressure Etc I continued crying. I was at the point where if nothing got done immediately I think I was going to end it all. It has gotten better overtime since I was started on medication which was actually an antidepressant that also has an effect on OCD. More recently I was diagnosed with attention deficit disorder. And I was started on generic Adderall. That's all my insurance will cover is the generic. I still have a few times a day where I get stuck in my black hole. On a really stressful day or when I'm really tired I really get stuck in my black hole for longer periods of time. I'm not in therapy. The referral I was given by my PCP office was to a place that had really bad reviews. So I did not go. Focusing on guitar riffs sounds like a good option. I'll try something like that. The last couple of days I've been trying to get some stuff done to my old house including painting and it's been really stressful because I don't know what I'm doing and I don't have the right tools. The last couple of days I've caught myself walking around the house with the song "Shoo Fly Don't Bother Me" going through my head. I haven't heard a child singing that song in many years. LOL. I've gotten a lot of songs stuck in my head but never that one. My OCD is still pretty strong but it is quite a bit better than it used to be. I am always in the fight or flight mode. I think my brain must be hardwired that way. I was abused in many ways as a child and as an adult. I think I just developed that way as I got older. How much of that has to do with OCD I don't know but I feel like it's all tied in together. I pretty much feel like my brain is fried all the time. I drove my daughter crazy when she was growing up having to be around me and several years ago she quit having pretty much anything to do with me because she said our relationship was toxic. It broke my heart but we have been on the mend a few years now and it's much better. But I can't get all that time back to redo anything. So there's always the guilt and I go in circles over that when I'm stuck in my black hole. I wish you the best and just know there are others out there that do know exactly how you feel. God bless you and stay safe.

[fanglorious in reply to Horsesarebeautiful]

Have you considered an online therapist? I use betterhelp.com and you can request counselors with experience in specific areas. It's pretty affordable, and my therapist is awesome. I literally couldn't see my ridiculous dysfunctional thinking patterns until he pointed them out to me. My life isn't perfect, but perspective I've gained has improved it.

[Horsesarebeautiful]

Thanks I've never heard of that. My daughter has been suggesting lately that I should try online therapy. She was seeing a therapist in person and then when the pandemic started they went to online. She gets a lot out of it because she has a really good therapist also. I've had some good ones and some bad ones in the past. It's kind of a hit-or-miss situation with me as to if I get a good one or not. Thanks for the tip though. I'll try them.

[Shnookie]

Hyperfocusing is a double edged sword.

I was an insurance defense paralegal

4 over 5 years and one of my main responsibilities was to summarize

medical records. I was able to use my

hyperfocusing skills to organize, analyze

and summarize large volumes of medical

files successfully. At the same time,

My ADHD weaknesses were that I had

Papers strewn around my desk. My supervisors noticed this and it caused me

problems in this job which was so stressful

For me that I had a mini meltdown. My

shrink wrote a note and I was out of work 4

a few weeks. Hyperfocusing also helped

me when I needed to drive home in teeming rain. I literally spoke to myself and said Shnookie just focus and stay cool 😎

It could be scary but I got thru it each time

It was as tho my hyperfocusing became

mind mind over matter in this situation.