Hi everyone. I was just diagnosed with ADHD, and I'm feeling a lot of things right now.
In some ways, it was a relief - something I've known my whole life and was finally validated. But it's also bringing up a lot of feelings. Making me remember all the times I've struggled and felt different and tried to adapt but felt that something was wrong with me. Feeling like I'm faking it to fit in. Working twice as had to get the same grades in school, being unable to focus and wondering if I'm dumb, even though I knew I wasn't. Getting a math tutor, having to apply for extra time for math exams, still getting a D. Feeling bad at my job, wishing I could "just focus," feeling so unsatisfied because I want to take on more work challenges but I'm not sure if I can pay attention.
I have just started taking Adderal XR - 10mg. My psychiatrist wants to see how I do. I feel very scared so far - it's not what I was expecting. I don't feel increased focus, instead I just feel high and sleepy. Does it get better? I want so much to finally find an answer to my lifelong struggle with what I now know is ADHD. I know it's not simple and takes time, but I want so much to believe it will get better. With medication, support, anything.
About me: I'm a Project Manager and live in Denver and love to hike and swim with my Great Pyrenees, Moose. I started having panic attacks in 2017, was diagnosed with anxiety, went on Prozac (20mg), felt a lot better. About the anxiety, at least. I'm in counseling and love my therapist. But I've been talking with my PCP about some ongoing issues - extreme tiredness (sleep 10 hours every day, still take a nap, never wake up rested), depression, weight gain. We did blood work to see if it was anemia or thyroid or anything else. I even got tested for Lyme. She told me the next step was to see a psychiatrist, so I did. I had my 1.5 hour appoint where she asked me so many questions, as well as my and my family's health history. At the end she said, "I think you're going to be surprises at your diagnosis, but I strongly believe you have ADHD."
I've thought I had ADHD my whole life, but people told me that wasn't possible because I got good grades and I was good at planning and organizing logistics (project manager here after all). But I've always had to work extra hard to do well in school and have had a lot of trouble paying attention. I also have major impulsivity about spending and shopping that has gotten me into debt, and have been very bad at keeping my finances in order. Food impulses too - I can NOT deal with having to wait in line at a buffet, and I always need to be snacking just to occupy myself. I'm incapable of keeping my house clean and organized, and I think my calendar is only organized because I hyperfocus (I can spend hours researching activities tiny little details, and plan things out months in advance and people have always told me that's weird).
What I'm really wanting to hear right now is that other people have gone through this too, and it's going to be ok, because right now I just feel a little helpless, lost, and overwhelmed.