[Stigma] Thats what you felt as you clicked this post. And thats what I fear when I try to open up to anyone. But let me tell you my story:
I am 30 years old and have never been diagnosed with ADHD. I am currently "doctor shopping" to find someone to prescribe me drugs. [stigma]. Thats the response illicited by you as you read this and think im just a junkie tryna get a fix. I am at the 100 hour mark of my undergrad in Chemical Engineering and have somehow never had a grade other than an A. Only took me 13 years to get this far. I have 9 children. Was in prison from age 21-25 for aggravated assault. I am a drug addict and alcoholic. I was shot 9 times on Christmas Day 2017. I have PTSD as a result of that event. And am being treated (somewhat) for that diagnosis. Please here my story.
When I was young. I was such a smart kid. Speaking full sentences before 2, reading before kindergarten... I mean I was bright!I was so smart. In Kindergarten, Id get bored with the work and would go visit a 3rd grade classroom and try to learn what they had to teach. Pretty much did that until 2nd grade and by 3rd grade I was advised to join the spelling bee, I won. Joined choir, I sung. I loved those things. But I was so bored with school, they decided to let me skip a grade because of my perfect standardized test score. I LOVE tests. (I scored a 99 on the CHEM I ACS exam) I still love tests. I love Calculus as well. But back to me in the 5th grade. I began acting out, yelling at teachers. Occasionally I would just get up and leave class. By 7th grade I was constantly in AEP and always in trouble. Id actually get to school, lat as always because I never could wake up, and end up sitting in class and something would happen and I would yell out "F**k" or another bad word, get suspended and repeat the next week. By 9th grade I was awful, failed and my first week of my 2nd round in the 9th grade was locked up for banging on a friends door who wouldnt answer and then getting so mad that he didnt and kicking down the door and then ransacking his house because I just felt like it was justified. I was drunk when I did it by the way.
I ended up in a boys ranch where I straightened out so well. Did very good there and the only thing I hated is having to take all the damn psych meds they made me take. When i came home a year later, I never refilled my rx. 9 months later I was a father. I basically became an addict at this time. I smoked marijuana everyday. I constantly lashed out at family. Made everyones life hell, fought, drank, I was bad. By age 17 Im locked up again. once again I hated the meds and TYC was awful at this time. I witnessed several rapes and beatings so bad that kids were left physically disabled. Ive never seen bullying on that level ever! To this day I havent. So I mined. I did what I had to do and followed orders to the T.
Came home and discovered I loved to drink and enjoyed a little cocaine now and again. I had a baby, ruined a relationship, began a new one and somehow managed to have 4 kids in a 13 month period. 21 and now in prison until 25. And in Texas prison its either mind or get sent off the unit in a helicopter to the hospital. So I did what I had to do to make my first parole. And was blessed with Cognitive Therapy inpatient for 9 months and 2 years of it upon release. And then I became hooked on METH. I was awful. in and out of prison on violations, could not keep a job after breaking my back at work, abused my norcos and after a year decided to quit taking them. Decided to straighten up my life, seek help went to rehab. Came back home prepared and was shot by my old friends and left for dead.
The thing is my whole life. the addiction the problems with the law, the alcoholism its all because of the adhd. I know this. And no matter what I do. I see counselors and therapists. I meditate. I do all I can. My PTSD is making the adhd come back full force. Im getting ready to have myself committed to a mental institution to try to get real help. Because as soon as I mention ADHD I know Im gonna get that look. I just dont know what to do. I cant focus on anything and it has never stopped. My whole life I have sufferred because of the way I am. I am trying to be a man. I already have a job offer at place in 2021 starting off at 90k. I mean my life can be so good in such a short time. But I am not going to be able to do that. I cant even remember to grab my keys walking out the door.
I had a deep discussion with my mom and am basically now turning to seek help. I just dont know how to approach a dr saying hey Im an addict give me drugs. But if the cognitive doesnt help, meditation doesnt therapy doesnt then what am I to do. Keep suffering because I am an addict. Im a member of NA and have 13 months clean time this time around. I seek help... but only for my ptsd. But its not treating the root cause. And I just dont know what to do.
I feel like if I go in to see a dr and tell him my story hes gonna look at me like a drug addict and felon drug seeking and thats what happenned with my last dr. I just dont want to lose my wife and I am about to. I cant keep making my familys life hell. I am so lost and Its ADHD.
Someone help me
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Lujan
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I don’t know what to say... this is a lot to take in.
You need to see a psychiatrist or neurologist to do a battery of tests and see what medications can help you level your chemical brain deficiencies. Seems you might have more than one comorbidity.
Search Dr. Amén clinics or buy his books on Amazon to start narrowing down the path to take for coping with ADHD.
I wish you best of luck in your search for balance and happiness 🙏
First thing first, see a doctor who will assess your ADHD. Your in attention and impulsive behavior are benchmarks of this chemical imbalance in our brains. We are disconnected and you need help getting back on track. So many creative and great minds suffer from ADHD so despite your addictions, there are ways to get focused that involve non-stimulant treatments for ADHD.
Secondly, commit to making everyday your best day. You can be redeemed. You can be a better man. Trust in the doctors to help you get there.
Now, not all doctors are the same. Not all are good psychiatrists or great at therapy or counseling so there may be some bumps in the road. Don’t be discouraged. Don’t backslide to your old ways. Commit to getting better.
Cocaine, molly. Never went to super hard stuff. And luckily for me I stayed out of jail (barely a few times).
I took an online adhd test that diagnosed me. Found a doctor that would treat adhd (I have combined type). And he read my whole thing (even the cocaine addiction. 4 years clean) I started adderall a month ago.
Find a doctor to prescribe. You dont have to disclose that you were an addict. Most wont even ask. Just dont abuse it otherwise it wont help.
I'm not trying to be insensitive to your difficulties so do not get defensive. I'm just a person who has ADD/ADHD, who also deals with anxiety and depression/who has also been in a beavioral unit twice, trying to have a serious conversation. How is ADHD the root of all your problems? Please, help me understand. You were successful in school. Nowhere do you speak of struggles with symptoms of ADHD besides forgetting things which can be due to mental health issues. Being smart or having ADHD does not cause a person to behave in the manner that you have exhibited during school or in your life. It sounds more like an internal battle or mental health issue due to life experiences. If you are addicted or have been addicted to meth, I can see why doctors definitely are not willing to give you amphetamines because they are in the same class or family of drugs. I say this because I have my own mental health issues, but medication does not cure your problems, they help you to independently solve your internal battles. It is painful, it is a pain you wish upon no one. It is a battle you ultimately have to fight and solve yourself because it is your mind. People can help but can't fix it for you.
Okay addition to my comment, yes some people with ADHD can act out but its because of their struggles with how their symptoms with ADHD impact their lives. Behaviors are usally lessened by understanding and knowledge from teachers and doctors who provide accommodations while you are in school. You do not explain otherwise how so. So I believe your actions are a result of your mental health rather than ADHD. As from my understanding of your life and current situation as you have explained in your own words.
Very offended. But would love talk about it. I agree with you fully. I want to start by explaining further.
I do have symptoms. And this is my 4th time in college. its taken me 13 years to get three years of school done. I always end up dropping out. Basically as a child i could never sit still. spoke at about 100 mph. HAve never been successful. Not once. The only way I ever get As in class is because I ace exams. I have missed just about every deadline for assignments. I can not focus at all.
I can never remember to follow up on deadlines. IO cant keep appointments. I said the thing about the keys because thats basically what it is. I lose everything. from my keys toremoptes to wallet. I spend a larger portion of the day trying to find studff i cant remember where i put. And thats exaggerating a little. I have had a well upbringing loving family. All that good stuff. I have always yelled or cussed or said things out of imoulse witrhout thinking. I have nev er been able to control my thoughts. I'll be focusing on a conversation while thinking about a past event and about drawing something in my mind. ITs like The machine in my mind is always proccessing multiple things at once. and it never stops. I can not stand to be idle but then all i do is idle because I focus on everyuthing. I have lost three relationships due to my impulsivity and inability to function. I cant hold a job. I know I got alot of issues. But If I were to show you videos of me as a kid there is no doubt that i have typical adhd.
I believe that as I matured I was able to stop with the hyperactivity and kind of grew out of all but the impulsivity and inattentivceness. But I think the PTSD has kind of brought back the ADHD alot more. I may just think that cuz I read some stuff. But honestly I can find a dre to give me adderall thats not the problem. THe problem is I dont know if it will help. I have spent years in CBT in the forms of penal institutions. I do alot to maintain but havinf adhd and then getting ptsd is making it all worse.
MOst people with ADHD also have ODD or SUD or PTSD. Our brains workl different. But the thing that makes me believe it most. IS when I use to smoke meth. I would get calm. Everyone else would be fixing things or trying to do this and that. TWEAKING as they call it. But it would level me out. It was only when I began to consume larger amounts that it destroyed my life. ANd yes I am an alcoholic, and many alcoholics end up being easily addicted to drugs as well. I know I ended up abusing my hydros when i broke my back in 2014 and am scared to do the same if i have adderall.
I said don't get defensive which meant offended! Ahhhh okay that makes better sense now. Haha should of added that in the beginning. Thank you for understanding. I reply again with more but I have class.
Okay so. I think you need to print out what you have explained in your first post and in what you have responded to my post. So that they have a full understanding of why you need ADHD medication. You need to keep up with CBT. You also need to take a hold of your alcoholism because I think that will be a problem with doctors. You need to tell your story and really stick with your will to change and show doctors that. You have to be willing to work with them. You need to be ready for what they have to say and you have to ask them for all the advice and assistance they can give you. You have to be ready for the commitment to change your life. You will need to prove yourself. You will probably keep up with therapy appointments and AA groups.
This is your time to advocate for yourself. You need to have motivation to change your life and stick to it. Again medication will help you to some extent but won't solve all your problems. You will have to put work in yourself.
You will also need to differentiate with your doctor your symptoms because symptoms of anxiety or depression can affect cognitive abilities as well. You could ask if you can take a test for ADHD.
ADHD medication helps with concentration and possibly impulsitivity, not remembering things. You will need to find strategies that work well for you to compensate for forgetting. Sorry to bombard you with replies.
I really want to see if what I need is amphetamines, but thats not what is going to happen. And since Im so against drugs yet want them so bad, maybe ECD is the best treatment option for me. Ijust want to let yall know that there are people out here who have no idea they even have ADHD. I grew up with it and by the time anybody knew anything was wrong with me, I was justa bad kid and was in jail. I hate to nblame it on the ADHD I hate to blame it on the drug use as well. I need to accept the fact that I just can not function normally and just accept my punishment for my disease. I cant keep inflicting suffering upon my loved ones. I hope I get to read yalls replies
I really should do that. My family doesnt think Im seeking help on my own I guess. ANd here come the paranoid delusions from the PTSD and thinking everybody is out to get me. I basically became severely depressed due to the discovery of some infidelities I discovered about my fiance. So I slipped into a low place. Acted like I was committing suicide ac couple times by popping a firecracker in my bathroom while on the phone with her. And then when I couldnt get attention I kind of threatened to kill myself her and my kids. So yeah that was the line I should have never crossed. But come on now. If I wont kill the people who shot me(WHO HAVE NOT BEEN PROSECUTED) then how the hell am I gonna do that? Thats my reasoning but its not right. Well to make a long story short. My mom ran for judge awhile back and is connected with the legal system pretty well, So she kind of had some strings pulled and Im awaiting a knock from the constable to escort me to begin a 90-180 day involuntary commitment for being Homicidal/Suicidal. It sucks because the way that ODD manifested as a child is back full swing and after being stuck in a hyperaroused state from the PTSD it makes me lash out like no other. Crying and screaming and I just hate it. But I dont really think that I qualify to be committed against my will. Not when Im willing and Idk. I just hope that the electro Convulsive therapy works. Im tired of living with this sick mind of mine. Its like it never stops. Hopefully they can shock the crazy out of me
Yeah honestly I have alot of issues. WHen I was younger I was in a Boys Ranch and was treated for ODD and Im guessing ADHD as well. I know I took rissperdal and even lithium, but that part of my life is like a blur because of everythjing else that was going on in my life. BAsically. My mind never stops. ITs like I ant get anything done and I cant focus on anything. I'll be trying to wash dishes and I can never do more than run the sink waTER. I cant sit down ong enough to get my assignments done for my college courses. I cant remember when anything is due or when I am supposed to even be somewhere. I did the little symptioms checklist and evn had my mom and my fiance do them and answer them for me and they basically checked every box, I left a few unchecked. But yeah I think I have more issues than just ADHD. I also have SUD substance abuse disorder. Im codependent and I am totally obsessed with anything that alters the way I fee;l. Sex Loves Anonymous helps, so does AA, NA, and even Celebrate Recovery. I got this PTSD shit really acting up lately though. And Im trying to self diagnose myself with Bipolar. ANd I dont mean m,oodswings. I mean full blown manic depressive. I fit that criteria as well. Always have. And PTSD makes it so much worse. So basically I obsess with trivial issues such as catching people (READ FIANCE) in lies. Totally consumed by things that dont even matter and I slide into these manic episodes, then backslide into Depression to the point that I say suicidal things. But I cant diagnose myself. I realize that I have a disease. My brain. And I cant fix my problem with my problem. Honestly if I wasnt an addict I could probably function better with amphetamines. Once I tried Meth and could actually sit still and be calm I abused it. I dont like drugs. Im actually going to try to see if Electro Compulsive therapy helps. I guess my family has had enough of my shit and are actually doing an involuntary commitment in a couple hours. Wish me luck . I really want to get help.
Good luck my friend. I am always here to listen and be that straight forward person with you. As a side note, you are not your disease or disorder. Its just a way our brains are wired but that doesn't mean that we can't change the wiring of our brains. Our mental health or mental disorders don't define us. They are a part of us and there is a difference. I don't say I am an ADD person or anxious and depressed person. I say I am a PERSON first and foremost just like everyoned one else, who has ADD and deals (not suffer) with anxiety and depression. We are people with feelings, likes/dislikes, goals, dreams, go through similar everyday problems just like everyone else. Our symptoms or other things are just something we deal with on the side which can impact our character from time to time.
There are SO many like u lost in the jails, juvie's, group homes. Your story is a very real /honest, raw emotionu. U should keep it All in a Journal & write a book to help others some day. Please seek treatment for your PTSD asap. A separate PTSD Journal can help. Try Yoga or Biking or Any regular Exercise that u Enjoy. Proven to help for depression, Anxiety, ADHD, etc. Also stay away from Sugar & artificial foods. Start watching Dr. Amen's ADHD Video's Asap to find your "type". Try slow deep breathing to Slow your mind down when u can't find things. Put a giant lanyard/bright cords on Keys, Remote, Sunglasses, etc. So many little solutions to help us keep track & focus. u Luv tests ? "Life is a Test" ☝
Bright colors are about the only thing that capture my attention. Its just I cant focus on anything and I self medicate. I lash out I act a damn fool. And now Im 30 years old and have no excuse for my behavior. ITs like as soon as I began to get ahold of it its like the whole world caves on me and I ended up with a body full of pain and a mind full of crazy. I really think that I can not get ahold of it with out support. And its like I guess its not getting the right amount of progress. So its a Civil Commitment for me. Im afraid to go. Its gonna cost me my degree. Im supposed to start a CO-Op for a chemical Engineering company out in Borger Texas and thats out the window. I just hate that I have put my family through so much and that I cant get tright. And I know that at the bottom of it its ADHD, and then the PTSD just brought it back and Im coming up on the anniversary of my shooting and Im seeing threats in every corner. I dont think I need to be institutionalized. But Im looking forward to seeing if ECT will actually work somewhat so I dont have to medicate. I willl keep aq journal and continue to reach out to yall if I make it back out. I dont want to get lost in an institution, Ive already been lost in the Juvenile syste=m and in Texas Prisons. I just want to get help. But I guess its too late for that.
I understand the tendency to shop around for providers. That being said, with a history of addiction one of the things that is important is to find a provider whom you can trust and work on building a relationship. Once that relationship is there and the provider can begin to trust you, then they may be likely to prescribe stimulants.
You may want to start by introducing the history of ADHD, and mentioning that you also have a history of addiction. Tell them that you think one has influenced the other, and you're hoping to establish a relationship with someone who will help you explore that and the various options to help. Let the provider know what you're willing to do to get there. Things might include: coming to weekly appointments, doing trug testing, trying non-stimulant medications first, attending therapy, reading books or articles suggested by the provider, getting cognitive testing, attending support groups, attending sobriety groups, abstaining from substances, involving other people in treatment like family or friends that the provider can have permission to speak to. If you're willing to give in certain areas, the doctor may be more likely to trust you.
The second thing, though, is don't put all the expectation on medication. Medication is a piece of the plan, but not the plan entirely. It's important to identify what goals you have and what challenges you face. There are very real things you can do without medication to tackle some of those. And in the end, medication may make some things easier but other things will remain just the same. So it's good to have a game plan. That's where something like therapy can be helpful. If it hasn't been in the past, then there are ways to address that too.
Ultimately if you want to get a doctor to listen to you and believe you, it takes time and also takes patience. You have to be willing to work at their pace and not rush them to arrive at yours.
Thanks for the motivation It means so much to me. Honestly Ive never been given Stimulants or Benzos because Im an addict and a felon, so basically they are gonna skip the controlled substances and say that I dont respond to medication or therapy and do ECT. Im scared to get strapped down put under anesthesia and shcoked like that. But if it will help then lets do it. I guess I have spent the last 2 decades pushing my family so far into the corner they feel this is their only option. I just wish I had a say so in my own treatment. But I guess I wont. I wish I wouldve reached out to a community like yall years ago. Maybe I wouldnt have lost so much time. I just want to be able to reach people with this story one day. Maybe I will. I wannatahnk you. Because I have nt been able to be honest with anyone. This is the honest Ive been on this post. And I realize that there is more I can do then self medicate and go crazy. Thanks
ECT isn't as awful as people fear or as it gets depicted. I worked in a hospital inpatient unit for years and ECT was one of our treatment options. It's actually pretty boring overall. I'm sure they're advising you of the risks and benefits. I hope that it works well for you. Good luck!
I spent 10 years as a drunk. From 17 to 27 I used drinking as a way to turn my brain down from 80mph to a nice in the city 35. I felt it allowed me to communicate with normal people better. After quitting, I unintentionally got hooked on tramadol. My other bandmates took it and one day I mentioned back pain and someone handed me one. During my time as a drunk I avoided rx because I was scared to mix. So, I had no experience with rx drugs. A year later, after finding out I could buy tramadol online in mass quantities, I learned what rx addiction and withdrawal was all about. Once authorities cracked down on online rx, I had to start seeing doctors and that went as expected. After much awfulness and several attempts, I was able to end that dependency. At 36 I decided to treat my ADHD and was scared that I would be treated like an addict. I was honest with my doctor and I went along with his non stimulant treatments for months. Once it was clear that those didn't work and we had a good rapport, he suggested Ritalin. I suggested the XR form just to make it difficult for me to abuse because I was seriously seeking help and not yet confident in my self control yet. I wanted to give the medicine a chance to work. It did work for quite a while and after about a year I switched to the as needed version. I had allowed myself to see the results of using it properly long enough to not want to risk messing up all the good it has done.
Moral of the story is that it took patience, time building a rapport and trust between the doctor and I. It was well worth it. Even though I wanted and needed an immediate cure for my symptoms of ADHD, the time I took learning more about it and seeing how different meds helped or didn't was super beneficial for both me and my doctor.
BTW, to those who do not know about tramadol, it may seem like a mild rx. It doesn't get the attention that other drugs do but it is not one to be messed with. It's effects are mild but withdrawal is long lasting and terrible.
Youre telling me. I broke my back in 2014 and was on Hydrocodone for about 9 months and then switched to tramadol. When I came off the tramadol I thought I was gonna die. I was sick,. Shaking. To this day I wont take pain meds. Well thats a lie. When I was shot I was given a script of 5 mg oxys, think maybe 20 of them. And then after that I just learned to deal with the pain. It keeps my mind focused and centers me, but yeah Im all Effed up. Tramadol is bad
I know everyone is different but Its hard to go this long without diagnosis and to have your loved ones be ignorant to the truth of mental issues and to just think Im bat shit crazy. I am kind of prepping myself to be rigorously honest when I get to this state hospital that I am forced to be committed to. Its awful because I just want to explode right now. And maybe the whole reason Im so stuck on this is JOYNER LUCAS album ADHD. I know that I need help. I need someone to tell me what I need. because I cant fix my problem with my problem. I really hope that I can actually be treated for the right things when I go. I know the PTSD thing is real. But I dont think a person can have PTSD ADHD ODD and SUD all at the same time. I mean shit. I dont want to rely on medicine. ANd honestly I am in chronic pain and choose to live with it. I dont want to get hooked on anything. The relapses I suffer from constantly are bad as it is. I just hope I can find a treatment plan that will work.
People with ADHD are more likely to have criminal records as well as drug abuse, you aren't alone. I think in your situation, the only way to get medications is to actually become comfortable with your doctor and for them to be comfortable with you.
My advice is that, don't start by asking for medications. Start with "I think I have ADHD" and describe the problems. There are ADHD medications that aren't stimulants and there are medications that are almost never used by recreational drug users. Mention to the doctor that you are worried about your drug use and criminal history - be honest with them, ask them if there's a way to get to a solution despite that.
Your doctor isn't just going to send you away without helping you unless they have solid evidence that you're faking.
In order for any type of therapy to help, you have to be 100% truthful to all parties involved. First and foremost, you have to be truthful to yourself. You have to find out the why's to your younger selfs choices. Then accept it. It's like AAs 12 step program. It's a life long process.. You asking for a legal form of amphetamines isn't going to help you stay clean or sober. It's not going to help your marriage. It's just not. Your making straight A's in undergrad in chemical engineering, you make it without the so called drugs for ADHD. You have bigger mental health problems than that. You probably don't even know about it Find out the why's first.
Somewhat of an addict here myself but taking stimulants. Been on for years recently went to inpatient for oxy abuse and my facility agreed I need medication. My doctor continued my vyvanse. I recommend vyvanse because it’s not abusable as much. There no rush associated with it.
Most addicts are self medicating. I was. I’d do anything to stop feeling the way I do. From racing thoughts, impulsiveness, procrastination, and RSD severely. Find a compassionate doctor that deals with substance abuse and adhd. It’s unlikely you’ll get adderall and even more unlikely to get Dexedrine. Need to be diagnosed first though. Try vyvanse or mydayis. Mydayis is adderall xxr. Like extra adderall xr. Insurance doesn’t like it though
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A question, or maybe a journal entry, any thoughts? 
Informal poll: Do you remember your childhood?
I'm new here and confused inexperienced and worried
I don't know what to do anymore. My ADHD is taking a toll on me. 
