How did you find a specialist to help you deal with your ADHD? I'm a married white dad, diagnosed a week before I turned 60. Help...

[SteveRosen]

I was recently diagnosed with ADHD. It was an amazing moment when at intermission of the symphony I realized I was listening to the music and there weren't a thousand voices in my head. This was 13 days after starting 40mg of Atomoxetine. It keeps getting better as time goes on and I realize the narrative of my life is a lie, I have ADHD. I started with a therapist, but he was not well versed in ADHD. How do I find a good one?

[STEM_Dad]

Welcome to the forum SteveRosen !

It can be tricky to find a specialist who really understands ADHD. I've met with a few counselors and therapists since my diagnosis.

The counselor who first diagnosed me was familiar with ADHD, but mainly in children and teens. She was immensely helpful with my anxiety, though, because that was her primary focus area.

With the next couple of therapists that I saw, my need was dealing with marriage problems, anxiety & grief, and my eventual divorce. One has ADHD himself, and initially he intended to focus on my ADHD, but he soon realized that my anxiety & grief over my failing marriage were the primary treatment need at the time. At the very least, the was knowledgeable about ADHD.

The most recent counselor that I met with (the beginning months of this year) helped me with depression and post-divorce self-esteem issues. She had some knowledge of ADHD, but was not a specialist. (I suspect that she has mild ADHD, based on our interactions, but either she's undiagnosed or didn't feel that she should share that information, or she doesn't have ADHD and I was misreading her.)

The best help that I got was from an ADHD coaching program, but it was also the most expensive. The coach has ADHD, had special training in treating ADHD, and was part of a team of ADHD coaches. The program also put together participants into accountability groups, which I think is one of the most helpful parts of that program.

• I didn't get as much out of it as I hoped to, because at the time I was also slowly slipping into depression due to a number of factors (but didn't realize what was happening). If it wasn't for the coaching program, I probably would have succumbed to the depression faster, so I think it acted like a parachute to slow my descent.

• It was three months later that I met with that most recent counselor, who helped me get on the road to recovery.

~~~~~

I'd like to go through that ADHD coaching program again, but as a volunteer to assist one of the coaches. I know that I learn so much better when I teach a skill or concept to others, and that would be part of my motivation... but I also just love helping people.

(That coaching program that I went through is the ADHD reWired Coaching and Accountability program, ArC for short. They just dropped the rates back to pre-pandemic pricing, but the cost might be more than some people can afford. I couldn't afford it now, with my current financial situation. There are other ADHD coaches and specialists out there, but this was the program that I went through: adhdrewired.com/arc/)

[SteveRosen in reply to STEM_Dad]

Thanks

[Netjester]

I'm curious about two things. Why did we need to know that you are white? Secondly, why do you think you are living a lie? Your statement tells me more about you and it seems like it's a lot less about ADHD and more about depression. It's not to say you don't have ADHD, but you seem to be feeling a lot of shame because of who you are and that's taking you down a very dark path. I'm here to say that I was there and at my worst about 3-4 years ago. That shame and depression led me to act out in ways that were very unhealthy for me and my family. Yes I have ADHD and was diagnosed at 45 (now 58). However that shame and depression came because of something that triggered a past event in my life that was traumatic. I was molested between 8-9 years of age. Through therapy with my psychiatrist 3 times per week, I've come to realize that my whole life was being lived throw a window of shame and anger. ADHD became secondary at that point and I'm happy to say that I have been able to come out of stronger than I ever thought I would have.

I'm going to give you some advice that my psychiatrist, that I've been seeing for 15 years , gave to me when I started going down this dark path. Read or listen to the book, "The Body Keeps The Score." I know that's the last thing you want to hear, but that book is life changing and what you will discover is that you are who you are due to very specific events in your life. You will also learn about what types of things trigger the "I'm living a lie" thought that you suffer from each day. Once I finished that book, my psychiatrist then expanded my care to 3 times per week, with him being my therapist. That book allowed me to understand my therapy and made me push hard through it to get where I am now and I feel like I am thriving.

As far as finding a psychiatrist or therapist that specializes in ADHD, I always tell people to ask this one question, "What percentage of your patients have ADHD?" If they say anything less than 50%, then that is not something they specialize in. I know it's difficult to find someone, but do some looking online for those who have written books on ADHD. Those who have videos talking about ADHD. Those people also have patients and you might be one of the lucky ones to become a patient of theirs. If you where in the SF Bay Area of California, I'd refer you to my psychiatrist. I don't know he's taking new patients, but his clinic does have other Psych's that only treat ADHD. I know of others in other parts of the USA too, so I might be able to give some recommendations if you can tell me your location.

Good Luck and get angry and fight this fight. It's worth it in the end and you will come out on top.

[SteveRosen]

I'm sorry for your trauma, I bid you peace. Thanks for the book recommendation. A book recommendation is never the last thing I want to hear, that would probably be "we are out of ice cream."

[Gettingittogether]

Just google ADHD and therapists for your area. Some names will pop up. The bad news is that a lot of the best therapists don't take insurance, so would be paying out of pocket.

But there are some excellent therapists who do take insurance. The trick is you gotta be willing to fire 4 or 5 people before you find the excellent one. You just schedule an appointment and you'll know after one (two appointments at the max) if the person is outstanding. And that's what you want in a therapist: someone outstanding and inspiring and who you look forward to seeing.

[adburger]

What does your skin color have to do with the topic?

[adburger]

Really, "a personality type"? It was my personality that made it nearly impossible to focus as a child and adult?

[Knitting20projects]

If you live in a large metro area, you might find an expert therapist by googling “therapy neurodiversity” or similar. I am 51, was diagnosed 6 months ago, & am probably switching to someone who works for a group that specializes in ADHD & autism. My husband and I have 2 kids, both of whom have autism & ADHD. We originally found that group for couples counseling because we wanted a counselor who understood the parenting stress we have. I’m actually now probably starting individual therapy with 1 of their therapists because I need support for ADHD after going undiagnosed so long. I hope this helps.

[Netjester]

ADHD is not a personality type. It's a psychiatric disorder. Please don't minimize ADHD because it's very reckless.

[G7BK in reply to Netjester]

psychologytoday.com/us/blog...

[Netjester in reply to G7BK]

An article written by someone who has absolutely NO expertise on ADHD. You get these nutcases often writing articles to just get free publicity. He may be a psychiatrist, but at the end of the day, he gets paid to write controversial articles for Psych Today. So many other Psychatrists have spoken out against his recklesness. But alas, you have found a single article... Congrats on the find.

[G7BK in reply to Netjester]

Thank you x

[Netjester]

Not sure where you got your information from, but I don't know that any real medical doctor would agree with you. Like you said, however, it's your opinon.

If you are able to spend some time and understand how the brain works, you understand how ADHD works... I guess it really doesn't work because of the brain neuron disruption that happens to those who suffer ADHD.

Also, labeling yourself should not depress you. That's now how mental health works. Are you sure you've seen a doctor??? Labeling is acknowledging and acknowledging is what puts you in the right direction to healing things like your depression. That labeling is what moved you forward. It's okay to be down and it's okay to be up. Accepting it is what you want. That's the only way forward.

You are right. There will be haters and that's because your logic is not with the medical community and although this group is crowdsourced help, most people on here are looking for advice that is inline with what is currently being practiced.

Good Luck and remember...you did find a way to be positive once you wee labeled. It really is a good thing to label yourself.

[G7BK]

I found a good one by using the filters on a directory website, just type in ADHD etc and those that list it as specialism will pop up, choose a few and see if they are a good fit. Hope you find the right person this time.

[BlessedLady]

Often it can take seeing several doctors or therapists before finding the right one for you. Hang In There

[SteveRosen]

Thank you all for your feedback. I started seeing a new person yesterday I found via the CHADD website. It was a productive meeting and I look forward to learning from them.

[Rayray2]

Hello. The first two therapist/counselors I went to were unable to diagnose the disability even though symptoms were classic. It was during the pandemic even. She said I seemed clueless.

So that may be true but the symptoms were textbook.. The second counselor had been an addictions counselor. He concluded that I was addicted. True enough I suppose. The real diagnosis came from two neuropsychologists - one to diagnose and one to confirm. Then I looked for a therapist working with ADHD challenges. That person had a link with a provider or psychiatrist for meds or whatever.

I’m sharing this because I was surprised by the lack of diagnostic skill to identify ADHD. Maybe because I’m older? Maybe because of lack of knowledge? Maybe because of my past achievements? If I were you I would get a written diagnosis with profile characteristics - from a neuropsychologist. Then search for a therapist or psychiatrist who has some specialty with adult ADHD / or says so at least.

Best wishes.